New Annie
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Jeff has a new girlfriend he met in therapy, and despite herself, Annie doesn't take it well at all at first. Her subsequent extreme guilt and Jeff's relationship then starts her on a hard emotional journey. Complete; AU after Contemporary Impressionists
1. Chapter 1

**This is based on the premise of a fic from called "For Her Benefit" from author CrispyBaconBits, in which Jeff finds a new serious girlfriend and Annie struggles to adjust. Her struggles may seem a little….shrill at one point in this opening chapter, but this is as bad as it gets for the whole long story.**

**Nevertheless, this was all planned out and halfway finished before "Virtual Systems Analysis" came out – an episode that made me a bit uncomfortable finishing this. I now feel that after seeing that episode, the Annie on the show is at a place where she wouldn't overreact like this now. Plus, that Annie would have already learned the lessons she winds up learning later in the story, or at least not have gone through as much effort as I have this Annie go through to learn them. This troubling contradiction almost made me scrap the entire fic, but thanks goes to Hypnotoad76 for talking me off the ledge.**

**Therefore, this is an AU story to a point – in that here, all the events after "Contemporary Impressionists" never happened, including "Systems Analysis." It's not like Annie is really that bad or Jeff-obsessed here, but I feel like if I included those episodes, I would be regressing Annie too much – not a lot, but too much for my liking. But hopefully that doesn't scare you all off of this too.**

Annie knew that Jeff was probably expecting her. After what happened, how could he not?

She would have gotten to the apartment earlier, but she needed time to plan out what she'd say and ask. This likely gave Jeff time to plan ahead for deflecting all her questions, yet it was a risk she had to take. If she wasn't _very _careful, this could be a complete disaster. Of course it might be one no matter how careful she was.

After all, Jeff having a secret girlfriend that she and everyone else just met on the last day of school _was _a special circumstance.

So Annie suppressed her legendary overreacting gene, as she had for the last hour, and at least _looked _calm when Jeff answered his door. He hardly looked shocked to see her – and was probably expecting an ambush, all things considered. Annie suppressed the part of her that said he _should _be ambushed, and just started with, "I'm only here for information, Jeff."

"Annie, summer vacation _just _started. We're not supposed to learn things again until September. I'd hoped you'd at least hold out until June," Jeff joked although Annie was not laughing. Yet to her credit, she wasn't snapping at him, and Jeff at least knew enough to know this wasn't working.

"It's not like I _want _to learn this stuff, Jeff. But I'm not here to bite your head off, I'm here to hear you out," Annie assured.

"As if I did anything wr-" Jeff started before he actually caught himself. "You're right, you're right. I'm in no mood for biting today, either." Annie would normally be proud of Jeff for stopping his snarky impulses. But it was probably due more to _her_ – was what Annie wanted to stop herself from thinking.

"Look, Jeff, we were all….taken by surprise, that's all," Annie started, as if Jeff really believed she was referring to the group – although they _were _surprised. "One minute we're recovering from today's madness, and the next you get hugged and kissed by some woman! You can't go the whole summer without explaining _that_. So if you tell _me_ first, it'll be easier for you to tell the others later," Annie theorized, proud that she was still stable enough to make an intellectual argument.

As a bonus, it actually worked, as Jeff had his "Crap, no choice but to come clean" face on. But instead of talking, he went up to a nearby drawer and took out a picture. Once he handed it to Annie, she understood why he led off with it.

It was a shot of Jeff and the woman that hugged and kissed him after today's 'finale event' as Abed called it. She had short blonde hair, but it was straight instead of curly, so she couldn't accuse him of seeking a Britta replacement. Her eyes were a bit wide but green, not blue, and she was clearly older than Annie, yet still a little younger than Jeff. Her figure wasn't as….well defined as Annie's although it was easy to look at, but it wasn't the typical super hot model type Jeff always aimed for.

Since she was already defying Annie's expectations/theories/hopes, Annie didn't know what to think. A few words from Jeff would help more, so it was a good thing he finally started talking.

"First of all, her name's Alison. Second of all, she does go to Greendale, but in classes that are far away from ours. But she was worried about me today, and she hugged me in public because she was relieved I was okay," Jeff cleared up. "We didn't meet at Greendale, though. It kind of happened three months ago in group therapy."

Well, at least that was one more new mystery to distract Annie for a while. "_Group _therapy?" she wondered aloud. "_You're_ sharing your issues with more than one person?"

"Well, individual therapists and Britta weren't exactly cutting it. And the study group has been one long group therapy session for three years. So I thought that method might work outside of Greendale too," Jeff shared.

"_Why did you need that when it was working so well here? When I was working so well for you here?_' was what Annie kept herself from asking. Instead, she went with the slightly less inflammatory, "And you proved it by getting involved with your therapist?"

"Annie, why would a _real _therapist let herself anywhere near Greendale?" She had to admit that Jeff had her there. "She was part of my therapy group, but she didn't lead it."

"Were there seven people in this group of yours?" Annie started to joke, trying to lighten the mood and/or delay hearing about Alison more.

"No, and they weren't all study group doppelgangers from another timeline, _Abed_," Jeff shot down. "And Alison isn't a double or polar opposite of _anyone_ I know," he continued pointedly. "She's her own person, and she's a pretty good one too."

"_I'm pretty good, too. You told me a bunch of times, but I'm just not good enough or bad enough. Is that it?"_ At that thought, Annie very quietly told her brain to shut up. Once she made sure Jeff didn't hear that, she made herself press on peacefully. "So tell me about how good she is. Did Greendale drive her into therapy too?" she asked evenly.

"No, there are things other than Greendale that can make someone nuts. Hard to believe, but it can happen," Jeff informed. "Her mom left her before she turned 13, and living alone with her dad….wasn't a picnic." Annie resisted the urge to compare how Alison's _mom_, not her dad, left when she was young and doomed her to a rotten single parent home.

"She couldn't handle a real college, so she dropped out after about a year. She was in pretty bad shape living on her own for a while, but she got herself in therapy before she….made herself worse off. Since then, she's been in some form of treatment for six years. She doesn't need it _that_ bad anymore, but it helps her unwind and relax every week anyway. And she's been in Greendale for three years too, so you can imagine how much unwinding she needs." Annie laughed at the truth of Jeff's statement – although it didn't help her unwind that much now.

"And you just happened to meet someone from Greendale in group therapy?" Annie nitpicked. "Isn't that coincidence a little….odd? Like Abed-level odd?"

"Oh, she knew that too, don't worry," Jeff assured. But this made Annie a little less assured, actually. "Wait, she knew about Abed-levels of weird? So she actually knows about us – the group?" she corrected.

"Annie, she's been in Greendale for three years. Even Greendale couldn't make her dumb enough to not know who we are by now. She doesn't go to our classes, but…..come on," Jeff gestured, as if not knowing who they were was impossible. It kind of was in Greendale, but still. "So she's some Jeff Winger stalker- uh, fan?" Annie corrected herself again.

"Not at first, really. She actually _likes _going to classes, and we kind of make that impossible sometimes," Jeff said, barely hiding his pride in that accomplishment.

"So she's one of those uptight schoolgirls, then?" Annie asked before she realized she used the wrong words – in more ways than one.

"She just turned 30, so school woman would fit better," Jeff countered, which was a mixed bit of information for Annie. "And she's not uptight, really. She likes learning, but she does more things than study. And after she forgave us for our class-canceling antics, I got to see that for myself."

"For three whole months?" Annie checked in a quieter voice.

"We've been secret dating for a month-and-a-half, really. If we lasted through the summer, we were going to tell you guys on the first day back….after we had a full three months to figure out how. But today's chaos made her forget that plan, and now we're….ahead of schedule," Jeff resigned.

"Was it her idea to keep it a secret? Or did she know – think!_ Think_ that we wouldn't react well? Does she know us well enough to think that already?" Annie made herself go on.

"She only knows you guys by reputation, and I filled in the rest as best I could. But she knows dealing with you guys is delicate, even for veterans like me. And it's not like we've been good with outsiders before." Annie knew that could just be an innocent reference to Todd, Buddy and Rich – or at least _hoped _it was only that. "So she agreed we could put it off until fall, and see if we could work during the summer first. But I guess we'll have a bigger audience for that now."

"Do you think it'll still work anyway?" Annie checked, keeping her voice 90% stable.

"I'm not _that _secure yet, don't worry," Jeff quipped. "But I can imagine it working with her."

"_Funny, your imagination wasn't that strong with me,_" Annie's inner voice called out. Her real voice muttered "Shut up" again, although it was a little louder and a little shakier. Yet she managed to ask Jeff, "How do you figure?"

"Well, if anyone can put up with me, it'd be her," Jeff started. "She sees me in therapy every week, so she's seen me vulnerable more than anyone. She knows how screwed up I've been and still am, and she accepts me anyway."

"_I accept you!"_ Annie struggled to stop thinking to herself.

"I mean, she's a little messed up herself and she still has a hard time getting attached to people, but she attached herself to me," Jeff wowed at. "I'm finally making progress in this therapy thing and working out a lot of stuff, and it's largely because she's there to hear it. She even said I'm helping _her _too, and knowing I have that kind of impact on someone is….not as lame as I expected. And it's really helping me get the hang of this boyfriend stuff too."

Jeff looked almost as carried away as he did during one of his Winger speeches, which was…..something. "I know it's only been for a few months, and we just got forced into public today. But if I reached all these milestones in private, who knows what could happen now? I don't know….being with Alison is finally helping me be….a little better."

"_Are you kidding me?_" Annie heard her inner voice call out.

Wait. That was a louder inner voice than usual.

"What?" she heard Jeff say with shock and a frown. Oh God, there might be a very good reason for that. "Did you _really _say 'Are you kidding me'?" Yeah, there it was.

Annie dragged out a high pitched "Ummmm….." about two seconds longer than she should have. Yet she still tried to use the best excuse she had anyway. "What I meant was….how do you know this isn't another quick fix, like the pills? Do you _really _want Seacrest Hulk to come back, Jeff? I mean, you probably take your shirt off all the time with her anyway, but…." She quieted down, since that was the absolute last place she wanted to take that argument…..consciously.

"Interesting theory, now let me shoot it down. I took those pills for _a week_, and I've known Alison for three _months_. By that math, Seacrest Hulk should have returned 12 times already. But he still hasn't shown up _or_ gotten robbed for any more awards! So I'm pretty sure she's _stopping _him from coming back and claiming his rightful trophies," Jeff concluded.

"Well, leaving that aside, you've only known her for three months! Isn't that your limit for actual relationships? Aren't you worried she'll be another Slater?" Annie inquired, relieved that she still sounded more concerned than….anything else.

"Slater flaked out because she _didn't _get therapy. Alison's had it for years," Jeff reminded.

"And she still hasn't been cured, what does that tell you?" Annie shot back, before making herself calm down – a bit slower than before.

"Considering how unhappy she was _before _she took therapy, it tells me some good things," Jeff confessed. "It puts my problems and slow progress in perspective, that's for sure. But she's helping me and showing me I can get better, even if it takes years. So I'm starting to think there's something to this stuff after all."

"And it took you three months to see that?" Annie repeated. "After _three years _of help from us, you see the light from someone else in three months?"

"From _us?_ Really? Is that who you were referring to?" Jeff countered, before deflating a bit and sighing. "Annie, this isn't about finding a replacement for you, or someone older than you, or something else that has to do with you. Not everything I do is about you and me….and I thought we were getting better at separating that. I thought we were getting our friendship back in order now, anyway! Unless you were playing the long game towards the other stuff."

"What? How can you suggest that?" Annie responded, legitimately offended. "Jeff, I'm not friends with you just because I might want….the other stuff! I know we weren't ready for anything more yet, and I wasn't going to push it! I like where we are now, I just thought…..when we were both ready later, we'd…." Annie stopped and regrouped. "I, I just didn't think you'd be ready first, that's all. Especially with someone else after just a few months!"

"You think I was looking for it? I'm as shocked as you are about this, but it happened anyway. And I'm actually feeling good that it did," Jeff admitted.

"I guess it's nice _not_ to be ashamed to find someone attractive again. Even after all the misleading looks!" Annie let out before finally hearing what she was saying. But before she could backtrack and apologize, Jeff had a quick retort of his own.

"Annie, I haven't been ashamed of you in quite a while. In fact, I'm pretty comfortable saying you're one of my best friends, if you still want to know," Jeff laid in to induce maximum guilt, although he still deflected the looks question. "And as one of my best friends, I had some hope you'd still be happy for me. You know how bad things have been for me, you know it better than almost anyone. But now I found someone to make me feel and act a little better!"

"I thought I – I mean, we…..made you feel better more," Annie said a bit quieter, before getting louder again. "I mean, you've gone through so much with us for years, and some outsider makes you feel so much better in one semester? Abed would tell you it makes no sense and it's bad storytelling!"

"I'm fully ready to hear that all summer, don't worry," Jeff tried to semi-joke before getting serious again. "You can nitpick the story all you want, but it's still true. If this keeps up, I can be the better person you wrongly thought I was from the start!"

"You've been better all along, Jeff! You just didn't believe it coming from me! But you have no problem believing it from her, I guess," Annie resigned. "Why is it easier to hear it from her? I've believed in you and thought you were really good the whole time! But…..but why did you believe her right away and not me?"

"Why does it matter _who _I believe it from?" Jeff asked back.

"See, you're _still _deflecting the real issue! If she really made you _that _good, you would have answered something about _us_ this time! But I guess that's just _too _much progress for you to make. And _I'm _just not enough to inspire you, unlike her. Even after all these years….."

Annie was crashing down and still somewhat aware of how irrational, childish and somewhat bitchy she was being. She didn't even have alcohol to use as an excuse – so she still knew somewhere that she was getting out of line for the wrong reasons. Yet the situation was spiraling too out of control for her to do something productive about it. All she could do was stay a big jumble of emotions and hear Jeff rub it in – intentionally or not – even further.

"Annie, I actually _didn't_ deflect from the real issue here. And that issue is that no matter what….is or isn't between us, you should still be happy that I'm getting better! I'm still a wisecracking jackass a lot of the time, but I'm not letting that define me as much now! You don't have to like how I did it, or who I did it with, but I know part of you is happy that I'm happier. If it isn't, then it says more about you than it does me," Jeff risked saying.

"You mind filling me in more on that, Jeff?" Annie insisted, although not all of her wanted to hear it – for various reasons.

"I feel like I could finally be fine again someday. At least now that I'm getting real help and I have someone like Alison to help me! I want to hope that you care about that, even though _you_ weren't the one who pushed me along!" Jeff insisted.

"I've been pushing you along for three years, Jeff!" Annie reminded again.

"And Alison took me the last step of the way! Does that mean it doesn't count because it wasn't you? Does that mean more to you than me actually being better, just because it's with someone else?" Jeff drove home. "If us being together means more to you than my progress, then like I said….it says more about you than me."

"But….but they don't have to be mutually exclusive…." Annie sadly went on.

"I'm sorry, but it's that way right now," Jeff stated. "I really like this woman, and being with her is really helping me. The fact I'm even saying stuff like that _out loud _should tell you how big this is for me! And I'm not using her to get over you, or to settle for not having you, or anything like that! This is a real connection I have here, and that's really rare for me! Shouldn't that count even if it _isn't_ with you?"

Annie wanted to say it did count. She wanted to apologize for acting out, realize she was being unrealistic, and act better than Jeff did when Annie found other male attention. She wanted to say she was happy that Jeff was doing so well – because she did care about his well being even when she wasn't involved in it.

She _wanted _to do all that.

But the angry, jealous and betrayed side of her had other ideas.

It had been fueled by how Jeff was throwing away everything he had with Annie to be with someone they didn't know. Fueled by how he would continue to bury his feelings for Annie even longer – and that he was going to unbelievable extremes to do it now. And it was fueled by how freaking happy and well adjusted he appeared to be…..and that it _should _have happened more because of Annie than because of some therapy girl.

_Annie _was the one who put in the hard work on Jeff. _Annie _saw what was always buried underneath Jeff all along. _Annie _was entitled to get something for it after being strung along for two straight years – without so much as a freaking _apology _yet for all the times Jeff broke her heart! And now after keeping her at arm's length all this time, he was going to let some new character in just like that? He was _really _going to toss her aside like this one more time – for the _last _time?

No. Not without a reality check, he wouldn't.

"NO! It doesn't count! It _can't _count if it isn't with me! How _can _it? _I'm _the only one that's helped you grow as a person, Jeff! You think _Britta_'s done a better job than me? Or Pierce, or Shirley, or Abed? No, it's been _me_! This is all just a detour before you see what's been in front of you all along, and that's me! Just like with every TV couple that's ever lived! So don't treat it as anything more than that, okay?"

"Annie, you don't look drunk, so you really _should _know how awful you sound right now," Jeff said lowly – although it came across as condescending in Annie's current state. And she had felt like that long enough.

"Oh, I'm _awful_, am I? Well, since I'm so _awful _to be with to you, you would know, wouldn't you?" she rambled. "If you're still deluded enough to think that, then you're _not _better, Jeff! You can only be better if you stop feeling ashamed for how you feel about me! That's how this works, just ask Abed, he'll tell you! It's logical storytelling, Jeff, and there's no logic about _this_!"

With that, Annie took the photo of Jeff and Alison and started waving it around. "She doesn't get to be the one who makes you better! Not after I've done that for three years! _I'm _supposed to get rewarded for it, not her! It's mine, not hers! He's MINE!"

Annie was now yelling at the photo as she crumbled it in her fists and shook it around, before getting ready to tear it apart. She just had to keep her hands from shaking before she got started…..

But they wouldn't stop shaking.

Why wouldn't they stop shaking? Were they…..was she _that _angry?

She hadn't been that angry since Annie Kim, or Jeff dismissing Annie after the Transfer Dance, or the "Annie of it All" denial. They were all events where she wasn't proud of herself after a while. But she couldn't have been _that _bad here…..

That opened the floodgates for Annie to remember what she said, how she said it…..and what she was implying.

And the more she remembered it, the more she started trembling for reasons other than anger.

And then it fully hit her once she recognized what she did to that picture.

Annie just stared at what was now a paper ball in her hands, before she made herself try to straighten it out again. She turned away from Jeff and put the picture on the nearest table, trying to flatten it out and make it look normal again. Yet it got harder and harder as the words she just yelled kept ringing in her brain.

Along with the equally painful question, _"What have I done?" _And then came the even more painful answer.

She had let the worst, most childish, irrational, ugly parts of herself take over again. And she was starting to feel worse about it than she ever did before. She even acted worse than she did on that first day back from the dance. Worse than Jeff ever was against Rich. Maybe even worse than Jeff was when he denied the Annie of it All.

It even began to look on par with her Adderall freakout…..but she wasn't on pills or on any addictive substance here. This was all Annie. It was all ugly, jealous, terrible, out of character Annie…..if it really _was _out of character.

She just yelled that Jeff's happiness meant less to her than being together. That Jeff having a real connection for one of the first times in his life meant nothing, if it wasn't with Annie. That he was her's, even though they hadn't had a real romantic moment in almost two years. That she only viewed their friendship as a means to an end before they got together. That she was every bit the Jeff obsessed, co-dependent childish brat that she _didn't _want to be anymore!

But she was. A big part of her still was. There was a part of her that believed _all _of the nonsense she just spewed at him. And now Jeff had no reason not to believe that Annie wasn't this way – like she made him believe two years ago. And now all of the progress she made since then….all that _they _made….and all the strides they made in being real, true friends…..it was all gone.

She just killed it off for good. Not Jeff, not Alison – _Annie_ did it.

It took everything Annie had left not to cry, since that would only make her look worse – if that was still possible. Instead, she finished making the picture look a little better again, then finally made herself turn to Jeff. "Jeff, I'm so sorry….." she barely whispered out. "I am _so, so _sorry….."

She expected the riot act from Jeff, and all but wished he would give it to her. And yet he stayed almost….still. He didn't tear into her, accuse her of being a deranged child, spout out a snarky one-liner, or act out like a child himself. Dear God, he really _had _been made better by Alison.

In fact, all he had to say was, "Are you?"

And that was five times worse. Because there was a part of Annie that clearly _wasn't _sorry. That still thought her outburst was defendable and justified, even now. And Jeff knew that – he probably _always _knew it was there.

And the real Annie – at least the Annie that she _hoped _was the real Annie, but now didn't know for sure – had to get that Annie out of here.

So the Annies united to hand Jeff the wrinkled picture, then worked together to successfully leave the apartment without crying.

But not crying until they got back home was another impossible challenge altogether.


	2. Chapter 2

Annie kept her tears from falling too hard until the second she got into her room. They fell off and on for two straight days, as they were mainly interrupted by sleep and bathroom visits. But other than the bathroom trips, she didn't leave her room at all.

She didn't even turn her cell on, on the off chance Jeff decided to yell at her after all. But it just made Annie guiltier, since she _should _have been yelled at for the scene she made. She knew all too well that there was a dark, irrational, selfish bitch in her, but she thought she finally had it subdued by now. Instead, it came back worse than ever.

The worst part remained that part of her _still _felt justified to be upset. None of this changed the fact that Jeff had found help and comfort in another woman, even though Annie was right there. It didn't change how Jeff so easily put aside _any _feelings he had for Annie, and found it so much easier to fall in love with some outsider. It didn't change how he just fell head over heels for this woman after three months, while he was still ashamed of feeling anything for Annie after three _years_.

And now Annie had made sure he would never _not _be ashamed of liking her…..once.

No matter how much legitimate cause Annie had to feel upset and jealous, she went about it the absolute wrong way. Just like she went about the aftermath of the Transfer kiss the absolute wrong way. Just like she went about the "Annie of it All," Annie Kim, sexy Santa and the end of high school the absolute wrong way. She knew so much better every time and yet she let the worst of her take control over and over again.

It was so stupid – what right did she _really _have to be _that _jealous, anyway? Annie liked the way things were now, anyway. She liked how their friendship had become stable and supportive again, regardless of their other connection. She liked being with Jeff as a friend and not having their romantic past make things weird anymore. She liked having Jeff as someone she could still come to for help and comfort, even after all that happened between them.

And she _loved _how Jeff still came to her and trusted her with his deepest problems more than anyone else.

At least anyone else in the group.

This had made it easier to believe that there _would _be a future for them down the road. But it's not like _Jeff_ wanted it. And it wasn't like he could give her the common decency to stop stringing her along in the meantime – _again._ He wouldn't have even told her about Alison if she didn't barge in at the end of _their _last adventure this year! So who was really –

"No!" Annie yelled into her pillow before she could yell something far worse. "I'm not that person….I'm better than that…."

But all the evidence suggested that she really wasn't. At least a big part of her wasn't – a part that wanted to take full control of her again. "I don't want to be like that anymore….." she muffled into her pillow as she stopped _most _of her tears from getting out.

The last time Annie kept saying that was when she made herself go to rehab, in spite of what it cost her. Even when it looked impossible to get better, she wanted so badly to try. She wanted so badly to be the good, decent, selfless person she still so much aspired to be. And she made herself become that person – at least when Jeff and her desires for him didn't make her into something rotten again.

Annie still had every right to be jealous, but she had _no _right to vent it out like that. She had no right to belittle how Jeff was really making himself better. And no matter how she felt about his methods, she was still so, _so _proud of him for what he was doing.

And if this Alison was making Jeff into who Annie always knew he was, and did it _without _childish outbursts along the way…..then she must be an exceptional woman. And if she had really gone through as much as Jeff said she did, how could Annie _not _empathize with someone who beat her demons like that? Why couldn't she be happy that Jeff found someone like that to make him believe in himself?

Because Annie couldn't quite forget how _she _had been someone like that for Jeff this whole time. Or she would have been, if Jeff would have let her in as easy as he did with Alison, for some reason.

But Annie wanted to forget so badly. She wanted to support her friend so much, and maybe leave open the chance to make a _new _friend. And she wanted to prove to herself _and_ them – herself most of all, hopefully – that she _was _a sincere, supportive and fundamentally decent friend instead of an irrational, selfish brat.

There was only one way to do that, however. And it would hurt very badly at first. But she deserved whatever hurt she got.

With that fueling her, Annie finally turned on her cell phone. After sighing in relief/slight frustration that there were no calls or texts from Jeff, she scrolled down and began to text him. She probably should talk to him and face the music in person, but she had to take baby steps first.

That entailed texting him, _"Please invite Alison to our next group party_."

After waiting a minute for a reply, Annie realized she should go a little deeper. So she typed, _"If I don't feel good about it, I promise I'll stick it out, not say anything and take my medicine."_

After that, she further explained, _"If I cause a scene, feel free to yell at me and kick me out. I'll deserve whatever I get. But I only want to meet her, I promise."_

She only had to wait 30 more seconds before Jeff finally sent a response. _"Ok."_

There was nothing deeper about it. No bitterness or concern about their last talk, or _anything_ about their last talk. Even though this was a new Jeff, Annie was still certain that he just wanted to brush this aside and pretend it never happened –just like the old days. And still current days, really.

For the first time, it made Annie feel relieved.

She knew that after another week of celebrating their freedom from school – as repellent as that was to Annie – the group would get bored enough to hang out again. Indeed, about a week after Annie's text to Jeff, she got the word that they would all head to Pierce's mansion that Saturday to kick off the summer.

Annie and Jeff hadn't talked or texted all week, which wasn't that unusual on the surface – especially compared to past summers. At the least, no one would suspect anything had happened with them if they didn't give out any signals. And Annie trained herself the whole week to be calm, collected and peaceful when she saw Jeff, and Alison as well.

Therefore, she was tentatively hopeful when she, Troy and Abed arrived at the mansion that day. Since Jeff was even the last one here at these get togethers, Annie knew she still had time to prepare. But she knew the hot topic in the group would be Jeff's new girlfriend and any theories about her. She just hoped Britta would exhaust her _way _off base theories, and Pierce would exhaust his variety of gay beard ones, before they asked for her take.

But in the first break of the day, Jeff actually arrived before Britta was halfway finished. She pouted that she hadn't got to her theory/non-religious prayer that Alison was a corporate whistleblower. She'd only be here temporary if that were true, so Annie forced that thought right out of her head.

Finally Jeff came by with the woman they all briefly met on the last day of school. The woman whose picture Annie almost ripped to pieces – but that part could stay secret from the others.

"Well, you remember her cameo appearance to end the school year. But now she's here to help us kick off our summer arc. Is that the right word?" Abed nodded yes, leaving Annie to avoid reading anything into Jeff addressing him first.

"Anyway, let me finish the rest of this in English. Study group, this is Alison Jacobs….my girlfriend." Although the rest of the group knew who she was by now, hearing _Jeff _refer to her as his _girlfriend _was still a shock to hear. For Annie's part, she put on pretend shock to avoid suspicion, while still containing her real shock.

"Alison, this is Britta Perry," Jeff started as he moved toward one on one intros. His new blonde girlfriend went up to his ex blonde sleeping buddy and gave a fairly big smile. "It's a real pleasure, Britta," Alison began as she shook her hand. "I mean, the way you pick yourself up, even when everyone trashes you for screwing up _so_ much….you'd inspire _15_ therapy groups!"

She honestly sounded in awe of Britta without being sarcastic and snarky. Well, maybe there was a little snark layered in. But if she was Jeff's girlfriend, there had to be some of that in her. "Thank you…..wait, thank you?" Britta said, a little more offended at the end. But Jeff moved Alison along towards Shirley before Britta thought more about it.

"Next up, we have Shirley Bennett," Jeff explained as Alison shook Shirley's hand. Yet Shirley was more focused on the cross hanging off her necklace. "Oh my God, you've got God!" Shirley cheered, moving on to an immediate hug. "Oh, thank you for getting Jeffrey into Heaven with us! Maybe Jesus and I won't hang out alone on St Peter's summer cloud after all!"

"Uh….glad I could help," Alison concluded. So it seemed she was a more moderate religious person than Shirley, although it wasn't that hard to do. But if she was somewhere in between Shirley's extreme faith and Jeff's lack of it – well, that wasn't Annie's concern. None of it. "Okay, my apologies for that. And a whole bunch of apologies for letting you meet Pierce Hawthorne," Jeff offered.

"Oh, I loved Old White Man Says on Twitter!" Alison exclaimed. "Well, well, so I _do _appeal to the young boob demographic!" Pierce gloated. "Almost makes me forgive you for real, Troy! Not quite yet, but-"

"Oh my God, Troy and Abed!" Alison cheered, immediately turning away from Pierce to meet the famed duo. "I've tried for _years _to get in the 'Troy and Abed in the Morning' audience, but classes kept getting in the way! And I swear it took me _forever _to choose between pillows and blankets in the war….so I guess we should leave it at that," she trailed off.

"Spoken like a true citizen of Blanketsburg," Troy bragged before giving Alison a weird salute. So before she could spark Pillow Civil War II: The Reblanketing, Jeff took her over to an even more dangerous hot spot. "And last but not least….this is Annie Edison."

Jeff looked at Annie normally, as if nothing was troubling him. Yet he'd been good at that for years, so it meant little. Annie just focused on looking normal herself, as she got her first up close look at Jeff's girlfriend. Alison didn't jump up and down in excitement like with the others, but she did beam out an increasingly wide, warm smile, nonetheless.

"It's _really_ good to meet you, Annie," Alison exclaimed as she shook her hand. "Jeff's told me nothing but impressive things about you. But your grades speak for themselves. I've backed off more than a few classes where you threw off the grade curve."

"Really?" Annie replied, trying _so _hard to keep her ego in check. But she did manage to succeed, saying, "Well, if there's a class we really like next year, let me know before you drop out on my account, okay?" She did well to ignore the possibility that she'd be around that long, all things considered.

Yet Annie endured her sticking around throughout the day, which was a good first step. In fact, it was even a little fun when she could forget the awkward stuff. Jeff eventually told the rest of the group that he met Alison in group therapy – which inspired Britta's predictable rant about group think. This in turn made Alison lay into her about all the Britta psychiatrist stories she heard from Jeff. And considering her years of dealing with serious therapists, she had…..more than a few words about how Britta approached the field.

This was the group's first clue that Alison had a bit of a temper during an argument. Annie was somewhat relieved that she wasn't Ms. Perfect, yet considering her own temper, she had no right to judge her. She had no right to do a lot of things. Yet in lue of not doing those things, Annie instead listened to Alison's Greendale horror stories, found out how nearby she was to the group in some epic Greendale ordeals, and even grew impressed with her work ethic.

Alison also impressed Shirley with how she found God during her rough patches. Yet she was less impressed that she disagreed about prayer in school, on the grounds that Greendale was deranged enough without debating that issue. She won over Pierce by wowing over his mansion, but she lost a few points when she was _too _shocked at the difference between him and his pictures from 1975.

She loved hearing behind-the-scenes filming stories from Troy and Abed, although she was left a bit too confused about the Dreamatorium. And Jeff was reluctant to share too much about their therapy and how they started dating – yet Alison did get him to reveal some objectively sweet details.

Annie tried to look at this as if she wasn't invested in Jeff and his dating life so much. And by taking that out of the picture, it was much easier to like what she saw and heard. Alison wasn't an uncaring douche, yet she still had her obnoxious moments. She was sweet, yet she could get easily offended and quite defensive. She had a wall built up around her really private stuff, but she could still have spirited give and takes with everyone.

She wasn't a duplicate or an opposite of Jeff or Britta, or a new Annie, or anyone else. She just went back and forth between being funny, messed up, good hearted, oblivious, compassionate, accidentally hurtful, and everything in between. In short, she was the target study group demographic – imperfect while still having something to draw people in anyway.

She could even draw in people who tried to ruin their picture and yelled that her boyfriend was _hers _a week ago. That made Annie both more relieved and more frustrated than she'd ever felt.

And that was _before_ she finally found herself alone with Jeff, while everyone else told her the group horror stories she hadn't heard on the gossip mill.

"She is something," Annie dared to start off. "You two must be the life of your therapy sessions. Not that you need to confirm it or anything," she corrected.

"I should have told you about her right away, shouldn't I?" Jeff actually shocked Annie by saying. "I mean, I didn't want to sic the group on her too soon. But she's fitting in pretty well anyway, so joke's on me." So he was referring to how she'd fit in with the group, not with…..never mind.

"Jeff, I get it. Like you said, it isn't easy for new people to fit in here. She's beating the odds so far, but how could you have known that going in?" Annie tried to lighten up, to limited success.

"I had a feeling she might. But telling you guys about therapy stuff didn't work out before. So bringing up a girlfriend…." Jeff trailed off right after saying that word.

"I get that too," Annie tried to assure. "You have really private, really personal things to deal with in there. I know I butt in your business a lot sometimes, but I understand that those things are….hard to get into in public. That's why I didn't want to say anything when you had your pill problem."

"Even when someone who knew a _lot less_ about pill problems tried to help me," Jeff recollected.

"Yeah, even then," Annie sighed again at how she let Britta deal with Jeff then. "But that's not all she doesn't know about, according to Alison."

"Trust me, she gave her the very abridged version of that rant. At least compared to the uncensored cut," Jeff recalled. After they shared a relieving chuckle over that, Annie tried to put a positive bow on this.

"Jeff, you have every right to find stuff that makes you feel better. No matter if you want us to know or not, for whatever reason. You deserve to feel _so_ much better than you used to, and if that's what she does for you….what we think doesn't mean a thing compared to that." Annie kept herself from rambling further, one way or another.

She then remembered how Jeff once told her he cared about what she thought of him. It was one of those moments that she thought could have meant something deeper….but clearly didn't. It may have meant something, yet it wasn't the something she thought, or wanted. But that could _not _mean anything now.

All that mattered was that the person who meant…..a great deal to her was in good shape. And like she said, no one deserved that more than him, no matter _who _was responsible. Everything else didn't mean as much – _couldn't _mean as much.

Therefore, she turned to Jeff and asked "Resolved?" before the conversation went any further. They hadn't actually talked about her outburst, her feelings, his feelings, or anything that had to do with _them_. But they never did anyway. They were somehow friends through all that anyway, so they could do it through all this as well.

After another second, Jeff nodded and assured, "Resolved" before pulling her in for a hug. Yet Annie immediately felt the difference between this "resolved" hug and the one after student elections. But it was clear that _both _of them were holding back on this hug.

Although they had resolved their problem on the surface, the really big stuff was still buried there – and both of them were in no position to take it on here. That was usually the case all the time, albeit more for Jeff in most cases. Yet both of them were content to go through the motions here. Or they were just too afraid to do anything else.

So while nothing had truly been resolved, they still knew how to dance around it anyway. They knew to talk to each other regularly when the opportunity came up, as if nothing was really wrong. But they knew there was only so much they could talk about, regarding each other and Alison.

As such, they settled for enjoying each other's company while talking about everything else. And over the next two months, it got just a little bit easier – although rarely having one on one talks helped as well.

In the meantime, Annie adjusted to the rest of the new group dynamic. Like one night when she was called to pick Britta, Jeff _and _Alison up while they were drunk. Alison's efforts to get past her rough start with Britta had paid off, to the tune of a long night of bonding through drinks.

It was Britta who knew well enough to call Annie to get them – and Annie knew well enough to drop Jeff off first while Britta and Alison were still with her. For good measure, she made sure to drop Alison off next so they wouldn't be alone, although her apartment was more out of the way. Luckily, Britta was rambling too much about gender stereotypes in beer bottles to notice.

But things were interesting when they were sober as well. Like one movie night at the Trobed apartment, where Alison commented that the first "Star Wars" movies she watched were the prequel trilogy, and she actually liked them the best. This touched off one of the most memorable and heated debates in study group history – where even Abed raised his voice a decimal level or two.

Annie wanted to argue against Alison on more than a few principles. Yet she made the best case imaginable, in spite of how truly awful her argument was. Debating made Annie too focused to read into Jeff's reactions, so that was a victory right there. Along with the one they got against Alison.

Yet there was also that one week where neither Jeff nor Alison talked to the group much. From what Shirley eventually got from Alison, she and Jeff had been through a particularly intense group session. It ended with the usual Jeff anger toward his father, and anger at being forced to deal with him. Eventually, Alison came to the Trobed apartment – and to Annie – explaining she needed to recharge and relax before trying to help Jeff again.

To her relief, Annie didn't analyze whether Jeff and Alison were having deeper problems. Or whether Jeff knew that she came _here _to where Annie lived. She just genuinely worried for Jeff and saw how much Alison was worried for him as well. Yet before long, it was Annie who assured her that Jeff had been through these spells before, and would come out of it before long. Alison was ultimately pacified, realizing that since Pierce and the Hawthornes weren't around to aggravate him further, he would be easy to reach eventually.

Although Alison hoped to have fun with Troy and Abed to get in a calmer mood again, she wound up talking more seriously with Annie. They couldn't well ignore the major thing they had in common – their history with rehab and therapy.

Of course, Alison was never technically in rehab and had been in therapy for years, whereas Annie left after a few brief but life-changing months. In fact, Alison even confessed she was a little jealous of what a quick fix Annie had been, while she still needed therapy as a crutch to keep her level headed.

But once Annie shared examples of what a mess she still was – leaving out the Jeff of it all, of course – Alison felt a bit better. And after fighting with Jeff for days, talking to someone about serious stuff on a calmer, more reassuring level was a relief for Alison.

It was even a relief to Annie as well, as although she had been to Hell and back with the group, they couldn't all understand the kind of Hell she went through before Greendale. Not in the way that another therapy veteran could.

Eventually, Alison left and helped Jeff back to normal, as evident by how they both came to group gatherings with a smile the next week. Before they knew it, it was the beginning of August and Greendale was a legitimate topic of discussion again.

Somehow, the group talking about their final year led to a discussion about paintball, and whether there'd be one last war to cap the trilogy. Alison hoped not, since she was eliminated very quickly the first two times. But Abed then blathered out that Annie wasn't good the first time, then became "kind of awesome" the next.

And that was how Annie wound up giving Alison the paintball tips she learned between the first and second war. Of course, part of her still insisted on hoping that Alison failed in front of Jeff, or that Jeff would be way more impressed with Annie's skills regardless. However, Alison turned out to be an adept learner – and tutoring real learners was not something Annie was used to. In fact, helping someone who actually _wanted _to learn, instead of just copying notes off her, was quite thrilling.

It culminated when Annie and Alison held a paintball duel one day at the park. Annie figured that she would gun Alison down on the first draw, but she didn't expect to be gunned down by Alison on the second one. Or even the third or fourth times. But Annie won on the fifth and sixth to make them even – yet on the decisive seventh duel, it was Alison who dived out of the way and got Annie right on the leg.

Despite losing, Annie actually felt a sense of pride that she taught Alison that well. She really was a good student. But when she went over for a high five, Annie was the one who learned something. Or at least she stopped denying that she knew this already.

Annie really liked her. She actually liked Jeff's girlfriend. She actually understood why Jeff liked her so much. And she understood how what she and Jeff had could actually be real.

This wasn't just some TV placeholder relationship to delay Jeff and Annie getting together. Jeff could actually spend a long time with this woman. If not forever, then at least it might be long enough to set too high of a bar for Annie to follow.

This was made even clearer when Jeff came over to Alison, hugged her in congratulations and gave her a brief peck on the lips. Although this wasn't intense PDA, it was the first time he had been affectionate with her like this in front of the group. Annie assumed/hoped he was holding back with Alison in public to make things less awkward for her. But that wasn't a concern anymore.

Because Alison was the only one he had feelings for now. Because they were real and he and Annie weren't. Because he was over her and had every reason to be – even if Annie _still _couldn't move on from Jeff that effectively.

And after Annie saw him kiss Alison and further realized that he and Jeff might _never _be, she knew she wasn't getting over him anytime soon. And as long as that was the case, the part of her that wanted to yell how Jeff was _hers, dammit _wouldn't be dead anytime soon either.

And even now – _especially _now that Alison was a real threat—one false move could bring that raging psycho back worse than ever.

Though there was still a month left in summer, Annie knew then that playtime was already over for her.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few weeks looked perfect on the surface for Annie. The school year was finally almost here, the group was still all together, her and Jeff were getting along, and Alison was bonding with the group as well. It was all perfect – except for how it was decidedly not.

Jeff still wasn't a PDA kind of person, thankfully. Yet when he wrapped his arm around Alison and kissed her during a few get togethers, it took everything Annie had not to drink and let alcohol fully unleash her. And when Alison smiled at Annie, it took more than it should have for Annie not to think of _creative _ways to wipe that smile off.

No matter how much Annie hated herself for feeling this way, those emotions just kept coming. As illogical as she knew she was, the fact that Jeff really was fully off limits and might be that way for a long time…..even after they all left Greendale and possibly never saw each other again…..it did things to her. It did some unpleasant, hard to live with things.

Annie had done well containing herself around Jeff before he met Alison, so she knew it could be done. Yet it was different when he was attached, and securely so at that. A primitive side of her was more obsessed because Jeff was _even more_ unattainable – and it was growing the more she saw him and Alison together.

The worst part was that it made Annie understand how Jeff felt when she was around Rich. The difference was that Annie was fully aware of how jealous she was, and was more willing to admit it to herself and to others if she wasn't careful. When Jeff acted like that, he was as infuriating and hurtful as he'd ever been. So it stood to reason that Annie would be 10 times worse if this got the best of her.

But how could it not get the best of her? How would she hold it back at Greendale, once she had to see Jeff and Alison together every day? What if Jeff got her into the group like Annie tried to get Rich in, and what if Jeff actually succeeded? If Alison could even have Jeff in the study room – where psycho Annie punched Jeff after learning that he only _kissed _Britta – how bad would Annie snap then?

With that, Annie found yet another new low. She knew what she was feeling was wrong and stupid, and that she would lose Jeff completely if she let this continue. And yet she knew she would let it happen anyway. She just wasn't strong enough….or even good enough…..to endure it like this much longer.

If she didn't do something drastic, eventually she would just hurt Jeff, hurt Alison and maybe turn the others into collateral damage. And at that realization, Annie now sadly understood one of the main excuses why Jeff didn't want to be with her.

He was so convinced that he was too rotten and evil to be with her and would destroy her if he got too close, no matter how much it wasn't true. And yet Annie knew that if she kept being this close to Jeff and Alison, she would snap at least once before graduation and become too rotten herself. At least as long as she stayed the way she was now – all too obsessed deep down with someone she couldn't have.

But Annie had been obsessed and addicted before. Yet she found the strength to take the most drastic measures available to cure herself. And over the last few weeks of summer break, she started to realize that she might have to do it again.

She confirmed it at the group's end-of-summer party at Pierce's mansion, a week before school started. Although it was a really fun day and Annie enjoyed just being around both Jeff and Alison, her stomach still fluttered like usual when Jeff gave his end-of-summer Winger speech. And it really fluttered when she was at the center of the traditional group hug with Jeff.

Yet when Jeff both hugged and briefly kissed Alison afterwards, Annie's stomach nearly made her vomit out the worst snide remarks. And she knew that would have been the gateway to even worse words – and arguments, and maybe even actions – later.

As badly as Annie didn't want to do that, when it came to Jeff she wasn't strong enough to stop this. Even after months or over a year of self-control at a time, Jeff and her blasted feelings could still trigger the worst, most jealous, selfish parts of her at a moment's notice.

And when she finally exploded after months of build up, she could cross a line she might never come back from. She could lose much more than Jeff as a future boyfriend. She could lose Jeff in _every _way forever – along with her friends, her self-respect, her fragile adulthood, and any illusion that she really was a decent, kind, moral person.

Annie saw only one drastic way to stop all that. Or to at least try to stop it.

She then spent the next three days straight planning out how it would go. Then she came to the hard part – breaking the news to the most difficult person imaginable.

Yet she still made herself head over to Alison's apartment four days before school started.

She had texted ahead to make sure Jeff wasn't there and wouldn't show up. Once she knew he wouldn't, Annie resolved herself to get through this as best she could, and hope Alison could begin to slightly understand.

Things started well when Alison let her in, and Annie didn't look to see if she had any pictures of Jeff inside. She just headed for the kitchen and jumped into the first part of her thoroughly rehearsed speech.

"Alison, there are a lot of things I have to tell you. But I should start with one big thing. Something I probably should have led off with a while ago," Annie hinted. Alison just nodded for her to go on, looking too puzzled and concerned to say anything. So Annie enjoyed that while she could, knowing that Alison might be too furious _not _to say anything in a moment.

"I have romantic feelings for Jeff. And I've had them _long _before he ever met you." Annie waited a few seconds, but Alison didn't slap her or even frown. So she carefully went on and asked, "Do you know about that debate me and Jeff had together three years ago? And how it ended?" Alison just nodded yes. "Yeah, I've had them since then."

Annie figured that Jeff only let Alison know about the debate kiss because it was so public. She knew for a fact that he'd want every other….romantic hint between him and Annie hidden under lock and key. If Alison really didn't know about them, Annie couldn't tell her – and that wasn't the point of this anyway.

"I want you to know that Jeff doesn't feel that way about me. He's made it clear a bunch of times," Annie got herself to admit. "And if he wouldn't feel that way when he was single, he would never let it happen while he was with you. He's many things, but he's no cheater…." Annie regrouped before she got into the kind of Jeff-reverie she couldn't afford right now.

"_I'm _the problem here. Seeing him doing so well with you is making me….feel things I don't want to feel. I don't trust myself around him, and you shouldn't trust me with him. I _can _control myself around him most of the time, I really can! But I'm afraid if one thing goes wrong, or if one thing goes _right_ for you two, I'll act out in a way I really don't want to. And if I hurt you two or ruined your relationship because of it, I'd never _ever_ forgive myself."

Well, that first part was a tiny bit easier than she thought – if only because she wasn't getting attacked in the middle. Yet Annie figured she should let Alison know that it was on the table. It was common courtesy, all things considered.

"Well? Don't you want to yell at me and tell me to stay away from your man?" Annie cringed at her clichéd phrasing, and her memories of how furious the sometimes temperamental Alison could be. And that was when someone _wasn't _telling her she was in love with her boyfriend.

But still, Alison remained stone faced and seemed like she was actually _thinking_. As if this wasn't a cut and dry case against Annie still being alive. Finally Alison uttered, "I….I'm not sure what I _can _say. I mean, yelling at you is rather tempting, don't get me wrong. But I'm just surprised you _told_ me about it. If you kept this inside since we met, why tell me now?"

"Because this is the last chance I'll have for a while." All right, now the brutal second part of this talk was on the way.

"What does that mean?" Alison wondered. And then Annie said the words she never imagined – or wanted to imagine – she would say. But if she couldn't say it, how could she _do _it?

"It means I'm taking a leave of absence from the study group."

Annie willed herself not to cry now that it really hit her – and now that there was no way out of it. All she could do was keep her voice level and explain this terrible decision. "You're _leaving_ the group because of me and Jeff?" Alison jumped in.

"No, no, I'm not leaving forever! And I'm not leaving everyone!" Annie tried to convey before going back to basics. "I'm staying in Greendale, and I'm staying in English 101 with them. I just won't talk to them during class. And I won't join them in the study room either. Or sit at lunch with them….or go on any official group adventures with them. Not right now, anyway."

Annie stopped from dwelling on what she _wouldn't _do with them, and focused on explaining the things she could still do. "But I still live with Troy and Abed, so of course I'm going to hang out with them. And I want to schedule time to hang out with Britta, Shirley and Pierce eventually! And I'm still going to e-mail them notes from English class, but that's a given."

"So you're not really taking an absence from the group. You're just taking an absence from the study room….and Jeff. And from me," Alison caught on. "Well, I will insist they don't bring you and Jeff up while we're hanging out," Annie admitted.

"You're going on Jeff rehab, then?" Alison inquired, which actually made Annie chuckle. She knew, or at least hoped, that she would catch on that quickly. "Right! Since I'm afraid of what I'll do near him, I need to get away from him! At least until I'm _sure _I won't act out in front of him or you!"

"Wait, if you're only cutting _us _out of your life, won't it be harder to forget about us?" Alison nitpicked.

"I don't know….probably," Annie confessed before steeling herself again. "But only at first! I need to do things that _aren't _about Jeff, or at least don't have a giant Jeff shadow over it! Unfortunately, the study group and that study room are pretty….shadowy. And you kind of are, too," Annie quietly noted.

Alison stayed still and in thought, scratching her chin with her nails instead of scratching Annie's eyes. "We're not a real PDA couple," she spoke up. "We don't get lovey dovey with each other in front of you, and we don't kiss that much either. We just smile and banter, but that's about it. The other stuff is behind closed doors, where it should be. If we cut down on the couple stuff we still did in public, would that make you feel better enough to stay?"

After all this – and Annie still wasn't even _finished _yet – Alison was proposing ways for her to stay? This made Annie feel both relieved and even more envious of her than ever. But it did make the answer to her question easier. "No….no, I can't ask that. I can't ask you to cut down on couple moments because of me. You don't deserve that when this is all _my _problem."

"So just _seeing _us together is too much for you, even if we're not doing anything? Are you really _that _fragile when it comes to Jeff?" Alison asked, raising her voice a bit for the first time – but doing it on a pretty good question.

"No, not always. Not most of the time, but…." Annie carefully thought out her explanation. "There's a really childish, naïve, greedy part of me that's still inside me. Jeff usually brings it out, but that's more my fault than his! It's made me do things that I still feel ashamed of even now."

"I have it under control most of the time, but with you and him….if it makes me relapse just _one_ moretime, at _any _time, I honestly don't know what I'd do," Annie confessed. "I just know I'd never be able to respect myself, or face Jeff or _anyone _else, ever again when it was over. If there's even a _slight _chance that could happen, I have to get rid of it right _now_."

"But you'll just go back to face him and us when you're finished," Alison recalled. "I thought the best way to cure an addiction was to never indulge in it again. So how do you know you won't go crazy for Jeff again when you come back? Couldn't that start the cycle all over?" Alison wasn't asking it like she was _telling _Annie to stay away forever. She just sounded curious.

"I can't just stay away from him for good_,_" Annie revealed. "But if I take time away from him now, I know ….I _think_, I can control myself later. I can focus on all the other things and people that I love, and remember I have _much _more to my life than Jeff. And all that time away from him, and from the study room….it'll help me remember I could lose it all _forever _if I screw up. _Then_ I can stop myself from doing it and make it stick! Trust me, I _need _that kind of drastic measure to really get the message. It's my own personal therapy tactic."

Annie thought that would be a nice touch, and Alison indeed appeared to understand that. "Did you explain it quite like that to the others?" she checked. And that was as good an opening as Annie would get for the third, final and hardest part of this talk.

"Actually, none of them know yet. And I'm just sending an e-mail to the others when I leave here. Obviously I have to tell Troy and Abed more when I get home, and I'll have to _very _delicately fill in Britta, Shirley and Pierce. But I can't tell Jeff in person….we'd have such a huge fight that there's no way this will work. I just hope you can calm him down before the vote," Annie inched towards explaining further.

"What vote?" Alison asked in lue of a more detailed question. So Annie took a breath and prepared to make the toughest offer of her life.

"There's going to be an open seat in the group while I'm gone. And….I want you to take it. I want you to sit in my seat at the study room, next to Jeff, and go on adventures with them in my place. You're already taking English 101 with them, so you can do a _little _studying too. They'll have to vote you in of course, but with my endorsement, you should get in if everything goes well," Annie predicted, as the unease in her stomach bubbled up one last time.

Annie already let her take Jeff, and now she was handing the study group to her? Yet the fact that part of her still had those thoughts was the very reason she had to do it. If she was going to subdue it forever, she had to go _all _the way. That meant passing more than one torch over to Alison.

"Annie…." Alison started, as the offer really seemed to take her aback. But when she found her words, they weren't as thankful as Annie wished. "Do you know what kind of a burden this puts on me? I know the group isn't good with outsiders, at least in that study room! Me replacing you, both in there and with Jeff….how is that not a no-win scenario?"

"I know it'll be hard at first," Annie understated. "But you know us and Jeff so well already! If anyone new can fit into that study room, it's you! And since your boyfriend is their leader, he won't let them give you a hard time!"

"What if _he _gives me a hard time?" Alison pointed out. "Jeff's probably not going to take this well. Having me remind him of that every day, by sitting in _your _chair….you _have _to know what a risk that is! You say you're not trying to break us up or make our relationship harder. But this seems like a roadmap to _just _that!"

"It's better than the alternative, trust me!" Annie insisted. "This way you'll still have a chance! I know Jeff will be really, _really _mad, but if you talked him down from his father issues, you can talk him down for this!"

"So he would be _that _furious, then?" Alison noted, just as Annie suspected she used the wrong analogy. "Why would you leaving be on _that _extreme level for him? I mean, if your feelings for him are really _one sided_, why would you steering clear of him make him _that _upset?" _Now _she was feeling jealous and threatened, although she really should have been long before that.

Annie scrambled for a good defense while trying not to crumble under Alison's glare. But when she focused, she finally found a good counterpoint. "Because Jeff cares about me."

"Yes, but how much? That was the real point of my question," Alison reminded.

"He cares enough to let a type-A, high strung, nagging young woman with a crush still be one of his best friends. Just like he cares for a professional screw up, a preachy housewife, two unique but _really _hard to understand best friends, and even an old man who's a twisted version of his dad. No matter how much we annoy him, or make him do things he doesn't want to do, he's _never _stopped caring about us. Because we're special to him, and we're pretty much the only special people he's ever had in his life. At least until you got here."

Annie knew she should feel very uneasy about what she was going to say. Yet she felt more subdued than she expected when she started. "Alison, Jeff isn't with you to replace me, or to run away from any feelings he has for me. Trust me, I would have noticed if he was. But he's with you because he cares about you, and I understand why. I don't know how or why and it's none of my business, but he relates to you. You clearly make him feel stronger and better about himself, and you make him believe he can be better….and that he already is. Me and the others tried to help him see that for years, but I guess you outdid us all."

Annie held back any residual jealousy at that realization and powered through. "Above anything else, Jeff is my best friend. And I want him to feel the way he feels around you _all the time_. And I don't _want_ to care that it isn't because of me. That's why I have to get some distance from him for a while….but he might not understand. But I know you can help him, and I know you can keep the group together while I'm gone! What's more I….I _trust _you to do that."

This phrase took both of them aback a bit, yet Annie knew she meant it. "I know, I should hate your guts, and way too much of me actually does. But the rest of me trusts you. And though I don't know you _that _well, I think I know enough by now to know you're a good person. Jeff deserves to be with one so much! And I wouldn't trust him with you….or trust the _whole group_….my only real family….with you if you weren't…."

That was finally too much for Annie, as she broke down exactly like she didn't want to do. Everything she was giving up, temporarily _and _permanently, was just hitting her too hard all at once.

Yet after a few seconds of crying, she was composed enough to tell Alison, "These aren't Disney tears! I'm not trying to manipulate you or guilt you, I promise! I just…." But she couldn't finish as another couple of sobs overtook her.

She calmed down as Alison finally handed her a few tissues, however. After she wiped her eyes, Annie resumed her speech by backtracking. "I know, I'm putting a huge burden on you. You _should _kick me out and order me-"

"I'll do it," Alison promised instead. "Be in the group, I mean, not that other thing."

"Really?" Once Alison nodded, Annie breathed out a sigh of relief, as unlikely as that might be. This at least helped her shake off her little breakdown faster.

"How long would I have to do this? Does this….sabbatical of yours have a time table?" Alison investigated.

"Not a definite one. I don't see it lasting less than a month, but I _should _be back before Thanksgiving, at the least. Maybe sometime around Halloween. But when I'm ready, you'll be among the first to know," Annie promised.

"And when you're back, I'll just vacate your seat then?" Alison double checked.

"I think we should leave that to the group when the time comes. But as much as it might upset me even then, I wouldn't be shocked if you made a good case to stay. I really think being in the group with Jeff would be a big step for you as a couple. And when I come back and I see how well you're doing, by then I'll feel much better about it. And about letting him go completely. If I get to stay and see it, I mean," Annie corrected. "Not that you have to be a good couple for _my _approval, either!"

"I think I got the idea by now," Alison assured. Annie nodded that she understood, then realized she had covered just about everything. And that meant it was time to go away.

"Well, I've got a PDF to send, calls and texts to ignore, Troy and Abed to talk down, and the last year at Greendale to get ready for!" Annie recalled. "Maybe I can salvage the last semester, at least," she resigned before resolving to head out with her head high. So she got up and started to head for the door, before Alison made her stop with a forceful, "Annie!"

Annie froze and waited for Alison to catch up, wondering if she'd read her the riot act during this last chance. Instead, she spoke, "Thank you for being so honest with me….and trusting me."

"Well, I know honesty is really important in things like this," Annie replied. Yet she made herself ignore how she wasn't honest about Jeff kissing her, or his own repressed desire for her, or anything else about how he may or may not feel about her. Or Jeff's own questionable honesty about her over the years. But if Alison was going to find that out eventually, she couldn't be inspired by Annie.

"I haven't let many people trust me, or trusted them a lot in return. Jeff and I are alike like that," Alison linked. "We're just learning to be that close to people, but we went this far without that by choice. I know you went a long time without it, and it _wasn't _your choice. So the fact you're giving up all these important connections for us, even for a little while….and even though the reasons why must be killing you…."

Alison stopped herself from accidentally rubbing it in further and wrapped up with, "Well, that's not something a selfish, rotten child would do. You just proved you _are _better than that, Annie. And I hope you believe that and come back soon."

"I….I do, too," was all Annie could come up with. "But until then, I'll do whatever I can to make sure Jeff gives you your space. For various reasons, I hope it isn't that hard," Alison expanded.

"I hope you're right," was all Annie had – and a decent sized part of her actually believed it. On that note, she was able to leave and share one more nod of thanks with Alison, before she got away from her for the next several weeks.

As she walked down the halls, Annie couldn't help but think she just made this harder. She survived telling Alison the truth and got her to join the group, although she didn't plan to cry in the process. Yet it went well enough that now Annie might miss _her _too – and she was already going to miss _enough _as it was. Jeff, the study room, group adventures, being part of a family….and now missing the woman who partly made this all possible was just one more kick in the skirt.

But there was no way around it now. Annie just told Alison her entire plan, and now she had to follow through. Telling her in person was supposed to be the hard part. Although pulling up the pdf file with her announcement, and e-mailing it to the group on her cell phone, would be no picnic either.

Yet she had it ready to send by the time she exited the building. Then by the time she got to her car, she pressed her thumb that extra inch down and sent the file.

By the time Annie started her car, she had her cell phone shut off to avoid early reactions to her e-mail. But she felt she'd be ready to explain it to Troy and Abed once she got back home. Britta, Shirley and Pierce would be another matter, at least for tonight, if they got a hold of her. And she could only pray that Alison would stop Jeff from coming over or calling after all.

That's what life would be like for Annie, now that she had started going on Jeff detox.

Hmm, maybe she could use that as a private joke to Alison when she got back….4-8 weeks minimum from now.


	4. Chapter 4

When Annie returned home, she wasn't surprised that Troy and Abed had read her e-mail – or that Troy was pleading that he didn't want Annie to die. But it took six minutes – four less than Annie anticipated – to convince him that she wasn't dying. She was just taking a break from the group until she knew she wouldn't be affected by Jeff and Alison anymore.

Abed was surprised that Annie hadn't starred in her own drug addiction parody episode until now. He always thought she was a more ideal lead for that kind of satire than Britta, after all. But Annie was a little ticked that he compared this heartbreaking ordeal to a TV plotline, nonetheless. She even yelled if he realized that she was abandoning the study group because of her stupid Jeff issues.

But Abed recalled that she wasn't abandoning the _group_. She was still living with two group members, and her pdf said she still wanted to hang out with three more later on. He seemed thankful to her for putting that unique twist on the drug detox satire genre. Which Annie took to mean something sweeter in Abed language.

For that, Annie cried her remaining tears for the night on Abed's stiff shoulders. At the least, 20 percent of those tears were of relief for still having _some _dear friends left.

Annie gave Abed her phone and instructed him to delete any calls and texts Jeff left. She also asked him to text Britta, Shirley and Pierce and say she'd talk to them later on – as long as they didn't tell Jeff they would talk to her. After three more minutes of Troy thanking her for not dying yet, Annie finally went to bed – hoping no one who didn't live here would come to wake her up.

To her relief, she got a full night's sleep without Jeff barging in – and Jeff was nowhere in the apartment or in the halls either. After double and triple checking the area, she was relieved enough to start planning her talks with Britta, Shirley and Pierce.

To ensure that Jeff couldn't have them followed on the way to the apartment, she conference called Britta, Shirley and Pierce instead. After making sure none of them had Jeff in their house, Annie felt free to explain herself to them. Britta asked if this meant she had to take Alison out for her – which she was 60 percent willing to do. Shirley wanted to know if this was really about her and Alison outnumbering Annie, like they would in Heaven. But once Annie assured her she did this so she wouldn't become an adulterer, Shirley cheered that there was hope for her yet.

Pierce, on the other hand, wanted to tell Jeff to just bang Annie and get it over with. Before Annie could yell at him, Pierce explained that if it would keep around his favorite and the only supporter he had in the group, it was worth a good banging. Despite the crude words, the intent behind them still made Annie cry a few leftover tears.

When she was fully composed, Annie explained that she would keep e-mailing everyone notes – which helped pacify Britta and Shirley a lot more. She wouldn't come to the study room or take part in group adventures, however. And she would wait two-three weeks to hang out with the others again, once she was more used to her new schedule and Jeff was less likely to follow them towards Annie.

But she still didn't want them to bring Jeff or Alison up then at all, at least until she was ready to come back. Yet she couldn't tell them when that might be – especially since she herself had no idea.

Above all, she stressed that she didn't want them to give Jeff or Alison a hard time with any of this. It was _Annie's _problem and her own fault, not theirs, so she didn't want them to hear anything about it. She knew for a fact that she was telling the truth, yet it might still take a while to truly believe it in her heart. Hopefully that would be a side effect of the rehab.

Afterwards, Annie spent the next few days trying to distract herself with school preparations, one or two final talks with Britta, Shirley and Pierce, and a few lockdown moments where Troy and Abed hid her phone in case Jeff called. Annie didn't want to know if he called or texted, yet she was relieved he hadn't shown up at her door either. Perhaps Alison did get through to him and convinced him to give her space…..although it was too risky to even think about that right now. At least in the opening stages of treatment.

It was also hard enough driving back to Greendale on the first day of school. Annie had to find a far enough parking spot away from her friends, then stayed in her car so she'd be one of the last ones to go inside. That was sickening enough, to say nothing of following her new walking route away from the study room. But she narrowly avoided thinking about Jeff and the others in that room, voting Alison into the group with Annie's endorsement. At least too much.

The horrors continued when she was one of the last people to enter the English 101 classroom. To her relief, Annie still found a seat that was far enough away from everyone in the group. Just to be safe, she thoroughly buried her face into her English textbooks – even more than usual – to avoid taking even a glance at anyone she knew.

This got even harder during lunch, when Annie had to find the furthest table possible to sit in. But to get lunch without getting blindsided, she had to wait until the group got their lunch – which meant she'd have to look at them at some point. She just stayed at her table for 10 minutes before finally looking at the group table. Just to see if they were eating.

One quick glance told her that they did have food. And it also told her that Alison was sitting with the group – next to Jeff. Obviously the vote passed and she was in the group now. Right next to Jeff. With that, Annie left her new table in a rush, barely staying quiet as she went to get her lunch.

When she came back, she ate quietly, tried to read her new books and avoided talking to anyone. It was all too much like every single lunch she ever ate in high school – except she had much less food on her tray. Nevertheless, it took Annie back to a lonely, unpopular, miserable time she thought was finally over and done with.

Yet she was back there now by _choice_. Even though people did want her to be with them and eat with them now, she was staying away anyway. And it was all just because one of them would now never want her as much as she once dreamed of. Foolishly, at that.

Annie forced herself not to cry and make a scene for _him_, _her_ and _them _to notice on the first day. This sadness was actually a good thing, if she thought objectively. The more horrible she felt about being away from him and them, the more she'd make sure she didn't act out and get jealous – and then lose Jeff and everyone else _forever _– when she came back. And the only way it would stick was if she kept it up as long as she needed to, however long that might be.

She kept telling herself that at home, when Troy and Abed started raving about the "best semester premiere ever" until they noticed Annie. She kept telling herself that when she e-mailed the group her English notes, then had to give Troy and Abed her laptop and phone to delete any Jeff or group e-mails. She kept it up when she sat alone at lunch, when she wouldn't look at any of them in English, and when talking to Troy and Abed at home wasn't enough to fill the Jeff, Britta, Shirley or even Pierce gap.

Annie still needed a few weeks before talking to her other friends. Then in theory, Jeff would no longer be likely to spy on them, and Annie might stop hoping that he cared that much. So she threw herself into as much work as she could to pass the time. Of course, it was barely safe to go into the library – even the furthest one away from the study room, in case Jeff thought to stake that out. Yet she navigated her way through Greendale and somehow wasn't caught by any of her friends.

After almost a month of isolation from them, Annie still wasn't distracted enough. She needed a really good, busy activity that would fulfill her without needing Jeff in any way. Unfortunately, this made her pick the first activity she could find – debate. Something she only remembered the pratfalls of _after _she signed up.

So Annie went to the Dean and begged him not to recruit Jeff to join again. It was even harder since the infamous Jeremy Simmons would be captaining City College once more, and the Dean had already started work on Winger-Simmons shirtless rematch posters.

Annie admirably avoided looking at them and finally forced Dean Pelton not to recruit Jeff, or to accept his offer if he volunteered. Otherwise a few certain instances of e-mail hacking would be brought to light. After the Dean finally accepted that Jeff wouldn't be his lawyer in his trial, he managed to give in.

But Annie still needed another partner, so she tried to find one without many connections to Jeff or the group. Leonard would have made the cut if not for the "Shut up, Leonard!" running gag, and Neil reminded Annie too much of one of Jeff's most selfless acts. Therefore, she had no choice but to recruit Garrett, as damaging as that might be to their victory chances. Yet his shrill, out of breath voice might make Simmons's ears as handicapped as his legs, so there was that comforting thought.

It wasn't so comforting when Annie actually had to work with him to prepare. Even 13 rallies hadn't cured what was wrong with him, and Annie had no time to organize a 14'th. So she did most of her prep work on her own – although maybe that was for the best.

Who know how working with someone closely on a debate – even Garrett – would trigger certain old memories? Memories that looked so good, heartwarming and butterfly inducing, before Annie knew the terrible ending it was leading towards?

Of course this could all be traced back to the _first _impulsive, childish, stupid move she ever made on Jeff. If she never kissed him at debate #1, this would have all been avoided and Jeff would be just another study partner to her. Or if Abed never made that blasted movie saying they would kiss….or if Shirley never told them about it….or if Annie never let down her hair…..

Wait, that was before any romantic messes came up. Five seconds before then, in fact.

And she only did that when he said….

"_But if you want to win, you need to loosen up! Go off book, robot debater!"_

And she did. Regardless of how she did it, she did it. She loosened up, which was the first step she took towards loosening up in other areas too. And when she did, she gained so many things other than having Jeff so close to her. She gained balance in her life, she gained the ability to live with insane roommates…..she became happier the more open she was….

And she had Jeff to start opening the door for her. And none of it had to do with romance, repressed feelings, denial or things that may or may not have been there. It was about him helping her realize an important life lesson, even if it was just because he wanted to kick Simmons's chair in back then.

But he only finally wanted to kick his chair in because he trashed Annie. Not even a parking spot made him _that_ motivated to win. He just wanted to fight for her honor, before their romantic drama even started. Even before they kissed, Jeff did more for her than he'd ever done for anyone else to that point. He stood up for her like no one had ever done – not even her parents – and made Annie start to do something she'd never done before….relax.

And nothing from the next three years afterwards could erase that.

Somehow, this made Annie see things in a new light. Things that she already knew, but was too panic stricken and paranoid to remember. Not everything about her and Jeff had to do with romance, or friendship moments that bordered on them. If Annie left all those moments out, Jeff still had a greater impact on her life than almost anyone she knew. And it was still being felt now even though he was gone.

He was still with her when Annie decided to calm down and reexamine her debate strategy. He was there when she resolved to go off book, and not plan how she would go off book. He was there when she rehearsed speeches that had a little bit of a Winger touch in their delivery. He was even there when she decided to take a break and make time for TV with Troy and Abed.

Regardless of the Jeff rehab/detox/sabbatical she was on, Annie would never escape Jeff. But in some cases, that was okay. Considering the non-romantic, non-aggravating way in which he had reshaped her life, and made it better, it was suddenly more than okay.

And if they never became a couple, or anything more than friends….or never even became friends again after this….Annie's life would still be better having known him. It would still be better after all he had shown her, and all he had inspired her to become. And for the doors he opened so that she could then become better on her own.

And one such example would be in this debate.

This time, it would take place over just one day and cover a variety of topics. Plus for all of Annie's preparation, there was no way they could link her and Garrett's chemistry to a perfect duet or great…..stuff. Since Garrett regularly got trounced in his rounds, Annie would have to be virtually perfect to win this thing.

What she did was deliver a bloodbath.

She stayed completely focused on Simmons, the judges and her talking points, while leaving room for herself to be flexible. She didn't look out at the crowd once to see who was there and who wasn't. She recalled Jeff, but not because of anything sad or depressing. She did so by out Wingering Winger, by using as much style and more substance than him, and finding her opponent's weaknesses to tear them apart with well placed words. Better yet, not all of them were political buzz words.

Eventually, they finally figured out it'd be better to just send Annie out for every round. Although this gave City College a 2-1 advantage in debaters, it made no difference. It just made the slaughter that much more lopsided.

Simmons at least stayed even with both Jeff and Annie four years ago. But against just Annie – the Annie that had fully emerged, grown and refined herself after those first baby steps in the first debate – he was utterly pathetic. In fact, this would be the first ever Greendale win that wasn't from a last second comeback, a parody of a logic defying sports movie victory, or the opposition being too overconfident to show up on time.

For the first time in history, Greendale was winning something going away. Yet although City College was mathematically incapable of winning by the end, Simmons was still desperate enough to throw himself out of his wheelchair again. What he thought he'd gain by someone catching him this time wasn't clear. But then again, he wasn't usually in his right mind when he was _winning_ anyway.

Whatever he planned, it didn't work as he aimed himself at Garrett by accident. With his clumsiness, he couldn't hold onto Simmons and he wound up falling onto the ground, crushing Simmons beneath him. Simmons cried uncle and conceded the match in return for Greendale staff getting Garrett off him. Of course, he deliberately left out/ignored how he'd lost long before then.

Although it took a while to drag both Garrett and Simmons off stage, there was enough joy left over for Annie and Greendale to celebrate their easy victory. This was an historic kind of win for the school, yet it still paled in comparison to what it did for Annie. After a month of turmoil – almost six months, really – she had something to celebrate again at last.

She still didn't trust herself to endure Jeff and Alison again, as that was still a ways off. But the path towards that end game was brighter and clearer than it had ever been. She took the first step towards being fulfilled even without any chance to be with Jeff. And it was the first step towards appreciating Jeff's impact on her life, without wishing for anything more.

Annie did still wish for more than that, however. She wished she'd been stable enough so she could share this with her friends.

But then she took her first look out at the cheering audience.

Despite being inconspicuous by their standards, Annie could still see Britta, Shirley, Pierce, Troy and Abed out there in the cheering crowd. Once she finally locked eyes with them for the first time, they jumped up and waved at her – or at least Britta tried to make what passed for a wave. Annie had even missed that from her.

She wasn't ready to make her way back into the group yet either. But after this victory, maybe she'd start seeing her other friends more soon – as long as they didn't bring up Jeff or Alison, or accidentally lead them to Annie – and then work her way up to the bigger challenges. Nevertheless, for the first time in a month, Annie felt confident that this might all work out.

Yet for the moment, she just wanted to cheer that she won something again, and that those she loved guilt-free still loved her enough to see it and cheer. And that feeling stuck for the rest of the day.

Even when Annie thought she caught a glimpse of Jeff watching from behind the bleachers.


	5. Chapter 5

Academic achievement had always been the cure for what ailed Annie. Now that winning a debate all by herself reminded her of that, even in these dark times, she began to feel like the old Annie again.

She rededicated herself to schoolwork again, and not just to distract her from Jeff and the others. She even got a head start on looking for job and grad school opportunities, as originally planned. All of this helped her remember that grades and career dreams were the _first _great loves of her life.

Yet she had a lot more than she did back then, even with Jeff out of the equation. She had many more people that cared about her, missed her and cheered her on even while she was cutting them out. She was afraid that they would remind her of Jeff too much and derail her treatment, but over a month of that specific fear was enough. Besides, she still lived and hung out with Troy and Abed and even _they _knew better than to bring up Jeff or Alison. So Britta, Shirley and Pierce couldn't do _that _badly.

Still, setting up a girl's night with Britta and Shirley would be tricky without attracting Alison, whom Annie wasn't ready to face yet. So when Annie texted then, she offered that it should be in Britta's less attractive apartment – although she left out the less attractive part – and reminded them that they couldn't be hung over the next day at school. Shirley would be looking out for….hangover substances at Britta's anyway, so this gave Britta time to hide/flush her supplies.

Luckily, Britta's cats were also too distracting for them to get wasted. Yet Annie's cheer over seeing her friends again, and their barely under control cheer at seeing her, also helped distract them from drinking. It also killed a lot of time when Britta and Shirley struggled to edit stories of recent study group adventures, without mentioning Jeff or Alison.

But Annie could fill in how Jeff might have saved the day in at least three of them, and how Alison would have been his partner-in-crime. Imagining that did still hurt a bit, though. Especially when she thought of how well they likely worked together in that "Mad Men" esq story.

Yet when she snapped out of it, she recalled that she was still hanging out with two of her best friends, who she had missed so much. That was a lot better to think about than what she didn't have – especially when Shirley "accidentally" revealed some of Britta's more notable Britta's while Annie was gone. Instead of being sad that she missed those, Annie just laughed as discreetly as she could, and was happy to hear about her friend's misadventures again. Which _was_ easier when she was far away from the damage.

Annie's next step was to visit Pierce, although his mansion was where she first met Alison. But fortunately, there was absolutely no chance of running into Jeff in there. And apparently Shirley made it _very _clear to him that Pierce would….lose some things if he talked about Jeff or Alison in front of Annie.

Yet Annie liked to think she wasn't _that _fragile about them anymore, especially now that hanging out with other friends was making it better. Even Pierce was making it better, since he was genuinely relieved to see her again. And since he wasn't facing the preying eyes, suspicions and judgment of the rest of the group, he was….at least 5 percent less gross around just her. It went down to negative 5 percent when he talked about some of his cult's more elaborate rituals. But other than that, Annie emerged unscathed and happy to see him.

With these barriers crossed, Annie moved onto the much easier goal of more Troy and Abed time. Although they were the only two friends she saw for about four-five weeks, she was too wrapped up in work, her Jeff paranoia and her self-loathing to have a huge amount of fun with them. Yet now that she felt more ready, she was up for some Troy-and-Abed kind of fun, and even dared to enter the Dreamatorium again while she was at it.

By mid-October, Annie had set up a rather nice schedule for herself. She made her usual extensive time for school work, dioramas – which they even had to do in English – and studying. But whenever she had free time, she filled it with talks and meetings with her non-Jeff friends, instead of more studying and panic.

This time with them wasn't really filling in for lost time with Jeff, since she didn't spend _that _much one-on-one time with him before. But spending more time with everyone else she cared for showed her what a wide world she had beyond Jeff. A wider world than she ever had before Greendale, and one that didn't deserve to be collateral damage from her Jeff meltdowns.

But were Jeff meltdowns really a rational fear anymore? Annie certainly thought they were when she started this crazy plan. However, the more she remembered her life wasn't _that _Jeff-centric, and the more she indulged in everything else that made her so happy, the less plausible her absence from the group became.

Still, Annie remained aware that it could all be a trick. After all, she was relatively fine with not being with Jeff for about a year until Alison came along. She might be just fine when she returned, maybe even for several months. But if Alison then moved in with Jeff, or even got engaged to him, would she blow up again even after all this? Could she really kill _all _her desire to be with Jeff and make it stick for a year, or two – or 10 or 50?

Then again, how could she see the future 50 years from now? Especially when even _seeing _him was still too scary in the immediate future? Annie certainly wouldn't get any answers, or prove to herself and Jeff that she had moved on, until that changed.

Nevertheless, there was one big baby step she had to take first.

So on Friday, October 26, she got a specific phone number from Shirley, then spent all late afternoon trying to craft a perfect text message to its owner. Finally she settled on, _"Alison, it's Annie. Can I take you out to lunch tomorrow? Alone?"_

Annie spent the next minute wondering if Jeff might find that message – more so wondering than actual _worrying_. After a few moments thinking about that distinction, her phone buzzed with a text response.

It read, _"Where and when?_" This made Annie smile brighter than she expected, or hoped for, as she filled Alison in on the time and location.

Although she told Alison to meet her at 12:30 p.m. the next day at a café, Annie still arrived fashionably early at noon. It helped her get out any final anxiety over seeing her, and what she represented, after all this time away.

This was the next to final test of the new, less Jeff-focused Annie. And if it could survive this one, the _final _test would seem the tiniest bit less scary. Depending on what Alison told her about how Jeff was doing, of course. But Annie would have to ease her way into that subject.

"Annie?" Starting now.

Alison had arrived fashionably early as well, if only by 12 minutes. Annie quickly got up as she approached her table, then had no idea what to do next. How exactly was she supposed to greet Alison after two months of avoiding her? Not to mention the _other _reasons to feel awkward around her.

But as Annie thought this over, she soon noticed that Alison was fidgeting as well. Soon it dawned on her that she was as confused and uneasy about this as she was. A few months ago, the rotten part of Annie would have been satisfied to see her like that. Yet the dominant part of Annie – the _real _Annie, she hoped – asserted itself more in feeling sympathetic for her.

As hard as these last two months were for Annie, they had to have taken _some _toll on Alison as well. Becoming part of the infamous study group, taking over for Annie under these unique circumstances….and to say nothing of Jeff. Who knows if Alison was handling this as well as Annie had tried to do?

Annie went out of her way to make sure _she _didn't know, lest it derail _her _own goals. And she had no illusions that Britta, Shirley, Pierce, Troy and Abed successfully hid that they were excluding Alison from their time with Annie. It all might have done a real number on her – one that _Annie _created – and the fact that it was an unavoidable side effect wasn't enough. Especially if it really _wasn't _unavoidable.

But making things worse was avoidable now. And Annie came here to finally start making things right after all. So once the long, already awkward moment of self-reflection ended, she finally addressed Alison by gently saying, "I'm glad you came."

"That's good to hear. If you say that in an hour, it'll go right up to great," Alison informed in a half-joking, half all-too-truthful manner. Annie took what she could get and sat back down as Alison sat across her.

It took just a few moments of silence for Alison to speak up again. "I want to say something reassuring, but I'm not sure it's okay."

"Well, that already told me it's about Jeff," Annie predicted. "Go on, I can stand hearing about him and you. That's the point of this, really."

"Like I said, it is reassuring. He doesn't know I'm here, so don't worry about him spying on us," Alison reassured.

Annie then got brave enough to inch towards the bigger issues. "Did I have to worry about that before?" she had to know. "I guess I have you to thank for keeping him away….was it difficult?"

"Technically, it was a standard lockdown, really," Alison started. "There were a few rants here and there, and vows to find you and 'set you straight' in Greendale. Finally I had to lock him in his room and take away his phone at least four times."

"My God, you did that and _lived_?" Annie actually _joked_, which was either encouraging or disturbing.

"Yeah, it was touch and go for a while. But we fought over the phone enough that we almost broke it. That made him back off just enough every time," Alison recalled. "It got us through before we came back to Greendale, so thank God things got _that _crazy on the first day!" she reflected although Annie only had some idea of what she meant.

"Still, it took about a week before he got your notes and didn't try to send a text," Alison counted. "It took a week and a half before he stopped talking about you at least once a day. _Then_ I could let him go walk around on his own. But it took three weeks before he stopped glancing at you once a day in English and lunch."

"What about the fourth week?" Annie wondered, as Alison knew just what she was hinting it. "Debate week was not fun. Especially when he heard that Simmons guy was coming back," Alison noted.

"Well, that could just be about wanting to kick his chair in again. He loved doing that," Annie tried to excuse.

"If that was it, he hid it well. But after a few more lockdowns, I figured I had to give him _something_," Alison recounted.

"So you _did_ let him see me behind the bleachers, then," Annie guessed. "Was that enough for him?"

"He didn't say much when he got back. But I think….well, I'd _like _to think….that seeing you do so well on our own set him straight. And he's barely made a peep about the whole thing since – in an 'I'm proud of her and she'll be okay' way, I'm sure. Not a 'Forget her, she's not worth it anymore' kind of way," Alison vowed.

"Did he think that at the beginning?" Annie quietly asked. "What _did _he think of me back then? I mean, if you told him _why _I did this…." she stopped, not wanting to hang on his feelings too much either way.

"I'm not going to lie, he was angrier _at _you at first. And as much as I tried to make it clear, he still misinterpreted why you were doing this. He had some various theories of his own," Alison informed.

"And one of them was that I wanted this to break you up," Annie easily guessed. "Even though that's exactly what I'm trying _not _to do."

"It took the first day-and-a-half until he got the irony," Alison went on. "Then he spent the next day on a guilt trip, then he got angry at you _and _himself this time, and _then_ he told me he'd steer clear. I didn't believe he was happy about it, of course, so I still kept my eye on him. But I have to say….the fact he was dealing with all that, settling me into the group and _still _leading us through that insane first month? He really is quite a leader."

"That's one of the few things he really puts an effort into," Annie reflected _without _swooning. "But now he doesn't miss me as much anymore?"

"If he does, he's hiding it better. He's found other things and people to keep him busy on the surface, just like you have. How much he still thinks of you, I don't know for sure. But I _am _sure if you came back, he would barely be able to hide his relief."

Annie knew what she would normally ask herself – or even Alison – after hearing that. She'd want to know why Jeff was that emotional in the first place, and think that someone who _just _considers her a _friend _wouldn't react quite that way. She'd wonder just _how _relieved it would make him when she came back – and wonder what her comeback might make him think about doing.

All of this was perfect evidence for the theory that he wanted her, had always wanted her, was only with Alison to hide from her, couldn't deny it anymore now that she left, was getting ready to tell her so, and would leave Alison to be with Annie if she took Jeff back now.

If Annie still let herself subscribe to that theory.

Believing in that theory had cost Annie too much, and made her have to cost _herself _too much these last two months. As….appealing as these theories still were, and perhaps would always be….it was too great a risk to believe them again.

So she wouldn't, unless Jeff actually confirmed them with _words _instead of half-truths, and glares that were just as likely to mean nothing. Maybe she wouldn't even do that then, anyway. But now that he had Alison, he had even less of a reason to test her. Speaking of which.

"What about you and him? Are you two doing okay with all this?" Annie dared herself to ask. She got through hearing about Jeff okay, so now it was time for the really big test.

She was left in suspense as Alison paused for a few seconds before answering. "You were right, being in the group together is quite a big step. And Abed keeps reminding me how "new characters brought in for ratings or late-series shakeups" aren't received well."

"Did he tell you _exactly _what they did wrong in every episode?" Annie asked. "If he did, that means he's warning you how _not _to act like them! If he only lists general plot points, then he could go either way with your story arc. But if it's the first way, he's really trying to help you, in his Abed way."

"Wow….you know how to translate him like that?" Alison was amazed.

"Well, you get the hang of it, especially when you live with him and play together more after school. That helps too," Annie recounted.

"God, I have _so _many questions I can get answered now! You're my own personal Rosetta Abed!" Alison cheered.

Annie then spent the next several minutes translating Abed and Troy as best she could for Alison. Despite all the time they spent together in the summer, dealing with them during group adventures was another world for her, indeed. This made them segway into Alison's ordeals with the rest of the group, and her progress and pratfalls in dealing with them full time. Annie already had an idea of this year's group adventures from her friends' edited recaps, but having Jeff and Alison's parts filled in really did them more justice.

As they talked about how the group – not just Jeff—was functioning with Alison and without Annie, it made Annie feel lighter than she had imagined. Hearing about them functioning well without her, and with Jeff's new girlfriend at that, should have made her super jealous. Just because she was learning to stop feeling jealous about Jeff, it didn't mean she couldn't feel that way about her other friends.

But Annie had lost all reason to be jealous over this last month. Because she remembered that no matter how they were doing with Alison, they still loved Annie dearly. She knew by now how much they missed her in group and were relieved to see her after school again, and that they couldn't wait to see her back full time.

Just because they liked Alison anyway didn't mean they would stop caring so deeply about Annie. And now she'd confirmed that just because Jeff liked Alison more, it didn't mean he didn't miss Annie badly and didn't want her back in his life either. Regardless of _how _he wanted her back.

And Annie felt that way in return, regardless of however she might have wanted him back as well.

And because of that, she could feel _happy _that the woman who had Jeff was fitting in with everyone after all. "You do like it there, don't you?" Annie checked after they finished going through the group's early semester adventures.

"I do, and I'm shocked that I do. I….I'm not someone that bonds easily with a group of people. Especially ones as irresponsible as they are sometimes," Alison confessed. "I don't know how you got them to actually _study _in that study room! Obviously you're better at mothering people you _shouldn't _have to mother than I was."

Although Annie didn't know the exact details of Alison's past troubles, she knew enough to get what she was hinting at. "Like with…." Annie started, before remembering she really had no right to ask. Then again, Alison was the one who brought it up.

"My dad, yeah," she continued to bring up. "You had your dad abandon you and leave you with your controlling mother. My mom left me to deal with my _less_ than controlling dad. He never used his hands on me, don't worry! But he was so uncoordinated that he wouldn't have known what to do with them on some nights. All the time I should have spent relaxing and having fun after school, I used to keep him out of trouble. As impossible as _that _was. Between all that and our less than stellar finances, I wasn't able to handle _real _college on top of it. So I…..just stopped going."

"At least you _got_ to a real college first," Annie pointed out without seeming too envious.

"And I didn't have a pill breakdown, I know," Alison jumped ahead. "Compared to you, I know I had it easy. But I still had stuff like losing out on a real education, having to prop up a deadweight dad alone…..working low paying, rotten jobs because I dropped out of college….finally moving out only to have barely enough to find another roof. It's no Adderall freakout or getting cut off by your parents, but it did a number on me. So much that I would have topped your meltdown in spades if it kept going!"

"That's when you found therapy?" Annie asked like she didn't know.

"It took one or two DUIs to make me give it a try," Alison recalled. "But by then, talking to people, trusting them and actually being _cared for _was a foreign concept to me. Plus after I did my court-mandated therapy, I still couldn't afford regular shrinks. So I tried group therapy, with guys as screwed up and lost as me and my family….and I already knew too many of those people."

"But it worked! It took years to get me motivated enough to go back to school, but it worked. And I'm still there even now to keep that feeling going! Which is how I met Jeff, and how I met all of you, in the first place," Alison concluded.

"That's us, Greendale's longest running group therapy session," Annie quipped, hoping it wasn't inappropriate to joke.

"It's different with you all, though," Alison laid out. "In group, those people give me strength, but I'd never want to hang out with them. I've been around too many of those guys already. You guys aren't _that _bad, but you're just as nutty and irresponsible. And you're downright _toxic _to outsiders!"

"You never had classes with a guy named Todd last fall, right?" Annie asked out of nowhere.

"I don't think I'd remember that," Alison admitted. "I do remember that I've never known people like you. At least ones that I _like _being around. I needed to do a lot of growing up, recovery and self-analysis before I _could _be friends with people like that. Or anything more than that. I hated your type for most of my life, but now I'm old enough and smart enough to see more. And I like what I see."

"It hits you pretty hard when you realize that, doesn't it?" Annie shared. "Even when you feel like the only sane one there, and you want to kill them and just _let _them fail sometimes. But you love them too much to let _anything _bad happen to them. For someone who's never felt that way before….or had anyone feel that way about _her_….it's pretty noteworthy."

"I hated feeling that way about my dad for years. That's probably because all the caring and saving in the relationship was so one-sided. But it isn't here," Alison compared. "As deranged as they are, they care at the end of the day. Even in their own weird way about me, although I replaced you. Even in a much deeper way about you, although you're gone. I mean, they miss you so much that they only let me take your place because _you _told them to. And you had _no _reason to go that far for…..someone in my position."

"I, well, I had to do it, that's all," Annie shyly countered. "I needed someone there the group could trust."

"And even when you left them, you still made sure they were cared for. I never had anyone in my life I would do that for, let alone six people. I never _wanted _that, but you love it, don't you?" Alison wondered.

"Of course I do….I like caring about people. I like making sure my friends are okay. I like being there for them when they need someone," Annie trailed off. "Even when _I _can't be that someone…."

"Because no one made _you _feel that okay or needed before you met them. So now you'll do anything to care for them, so they'll never stop caring about you. Things like cut them off for a while so you're less tempted to ruin their love life," Alison 'subtly' inferred.

"Huh….you'd make a good therapist. Don't tell Britta," Annie tried to joke although she wasn't quite in the mood yet.

"But it's not like I want them to need me because of _my _issues," Annie cleared up. "I mean, take Jeff. He never wants it to look like he needs _anyone. _But on those times he _admits _he needs someone and can't just be a douche, he usually came to me. He trusted _me _more than anyone in the group, and maybe more than anyone _ever_. That meant so much to me, and _not _for selfish reasons. Not completely, I hope."

"And now he has me to go to first," Alison reminded. "That _would_ be a major adjustment for someone in your shoes to handle. Enough to require….drastic measures."

"Did they?" Annie proposed. "Even when things between us were super weird, he still came to me. Even when I was struggling with my….emotions, I came to him with things that had _nothing _to do with love! And he _still _helped me! For one reason or another, we didn't have people like that to go to before, but we do now! The whole group does now! _You_ do now!"

Alison seemed a little overwhelmed by that reassurance – a feeling Annie was still all too familiar with even now. She was a little hesitant to be overly reassuring, considering the unique nature of their relationship. Yet just thinking of Alison as a normal friend, or one that Annie wanted to be normal, made it a little simpler.

As such, she reached out like she would for any other friend and laid a gentle hand on her wrist, to compliment her smile and her closing argument. "Being loved and cared for like that, in _any _way, is just too damn special to throw away. For _anything. _I'm pretty sure I know that now, and you do too," she assured as Alison smiled a little bit and Annie took her hand off her.

Annie already knew all this somewhere deep inside. She knew all the other beloved things and people in her life weren't worth losing from being too focused on Jeff. She probably knew it before she even took her time off, or even before she ranted about Alison that night. But she needed to go through all of this – and to say it in front of her "replacement" – before she could remember it for good.

Yet she'd have no problem forgetting it now. No matter what she had to go through next.

Conveniently, lunch was over by the time this breakthrough came out. Therefore, it was the perfect way for Annie to wrap this session up.

"Well, I'll let you get on with your day now. I'm _really _glad you took time out of it to come here, so thank you. _So_ much," Annie told Alison after paying the check. "But can you do just one thing for me later?"

"I'll do what I can," Alison retorted, although Annie's smile gave her an idea of what she needed from her.

"Please tell Jeff I'll be back on Monday."


	6. Chapter 6

Annie didn't go into lunch with Alison knowing she'd come back to the group on Monday. But now that their meeting had inspired her, she spent the rest of the weekend in a cocoon of nerves. To her relief, 75 percent of them were happy nerves, while only 25 were panic induced.

That 25 percent caused her to just tell Britta, Shirley and Pierce via text that she was coming back. It also settled in more than once during bedtime on Saturday and Sunday night. After all, this was Annie's biggest final exam to date.

She would now put herself into the study room, where both Jeff and Alison were, and have to be on her very best behavior without a single slip up ever. It seemed so silly to worry about at all in these last few great weeks. Yet she knew it was different in practice.

And there was the little fact that Annie was seeing Jeff for the first time in two months, after she abandoned the group because of him. She could see him without wanting to kiss him, she knew that. But enduring him yelling at her and being mad at her and….being unable to forgive her was another matter.

Then again, since Annie did this to protect Jeff and Alison from her crazy side, she might say she didn't need to be forgiven. And then who knows how and when their argument could end. Both of the most likely outcomes – angry hurtful words or angry making out – were equally troubling to her.

But Annie had to laugh that off, and not just because it kept her from a heart attack. After two months of such great progress, and with the prospect of seeing _all _her friends at once in her favorite room again, the first day was not going to end that badly. And once she got past that, and the next day, and then the predictable Halloween madness, getting through the next seven months with no setbacks would look more manageable.

She knew she could handle it – if only because another round of isolation afterwards would destroy her. And there were other more meaningful, moral, less selfish reasons as well. It was just a matter of remembering them and who she _really _was at all times.

As such, she started to return to who she really was on Monday morning. She once again got up extra early, followed her old pre-school routine, and drove to her regular Greendale parking spot. Although it was near her friends' parking spot again, and only a hundred steps away from Jeff's, Annie was still breathing steadily when she got out of the car. She kept it up as she started walking her old route to campus again, yet she felt a little more nervous as she got inside.

Annie was sure to take a deep breath every few seconds, in lue of every .4 seconds, as she got closer to the study room. But in the meantime, her brain produced one last ugly fantasy over facing the people she left behind again.

However, her brain reminded her that she didn't leave them_ all_ behind. She lived with two of them, saw three of them more and more over the last month, and just saw one of the two most troubling ones for lunch. All Annie really needed to worry about was the other troubling one.

But in front of everyone else and his girlfriend, Jeff wouldn't risk doing anything to upset her. This morning would be filled with hugs and welcome backs from everyone else, and that should make Annie happy and fulfilled enough to go from there.

So Annie kept it into perspective as she finally neared the study room. Once she was in range, she saw that the door was closed and the blinds were down. On some level, she knew instantly what that meant. But she was so focused on just seeing everyone again right now, and getting any unpleasantness over with, that she focused her tunnel vision on getting inside.

As such, she was actually taken aback when she opened the closed, blinded door, entered the room that she could no longer see from the outside – and then heard a loud call of "Surprise!"

Annie's first reaction was shock when she heard that. But when she actually saw all her friends and realized what they screamed – and saw the "Welcome Back, Annie" banner hanging nearby – the next several reactions all but turned her into mush. Fortunately, she kept from babbling and tearing up _too _much as the group came over to her.

Shirley beat everyone else to get the first hug, then Annie sped things up by giving both Troy and Abed a big hug and a "You guys!" all at once. She then went to Britta and hugged her before remembering that this wasn't her thing, yet Britta still gave her a good embrace anyway. Pierce then wrapped his arms around both of them, for obviously disturbing reasons. But since Annie even missed that, she broke from Britta and hugged Pierce tightly anyway.

Annie knew that was probably the last hug for the morning, since there were two more people she hadn't greeted yet.

Alison came over first after Annie left Pierce. Although it was too awkward for many reasons for them to hug, she still gave Annie an encouraging smile. She returned it, finding herself happy to see Alison like she would any other friend. Albeit to a more subdued degree by comparison.

That was the easy part. When Alison nodded her head to the right, Annie turned there and prepared to face the music. No matter how soothing or ear piercing it was.

Annie took two steps over to Jeff, first noting that he hadn't gotten disfigured since she left. He looked the same, as even he couldn't get hotter every day. It probably helped that she wasn't analyzing his hotness as much.

She focused more on his face, which looked still as usual, yet Annie could detect flickers of uncertainty, doubt and ever so slight nerves. He could convincingly hide these emotions from everyone else, but rarely from Annie. The fact that this hadn't changed even now gave her some kind of relief. What kind it was, she didn't know yet.

Jeff reached his hand out, and Annie briefly thought he might pat her head with it, like he often did to brush past their problems. Yet he took her hand, then bent down to give it a quick little peck. Annie then saw him move his lips – like he was forming a "Mi" – but then he stopped himself.

If there was any chance that Jeff kissing her hand would do….things to Annie, that very brief moment stopped it. But not in a bad way.

He wasn't trying, accidentally or not, to make her melt for him by kissing her hand. To her, he was recreating their second study room session – the one that really started the long term journey of the fully united group – when he kissed that hand and called her "Milady" for the first time. But this time he stopped himself before using that old nickname, and instead went on to just say "Annie."

Saying her regular name instead of an enduring nickname could have been taken as a slight. Or it could have been taken as him being too scared, or just cautious, to call her that with Alison there. And yet Annie knew enough to see it as something else. Instead of using a charming nickname to charm her, or to deflect something unpleasant or real, Jeff used her real name out of a deeper respect. As if she was more of an equal – which was what she hoped she was after all this.

Annie knew this was a new, uncertain, less emotional stage of their friendship. Jeff obviously had to know as well after all this, as even _he _couldn't be that obliviousness _now_. At least on this comeback day, he was trying to behave like it, though whether it stuck would be another matter. But that was for when another matter arrived.

For this one, Annie just smiled and said "Jeff" instead of "Milord" right back – and then felt herself using her usual teasing Jeff smile. Already they were slipping back into old habits – albeit with new twists – with just two words. In spite of the huge things they still had to talk about and explain at some point.

However, the fact that even now, she and Jeff could _still_ be teasing, playful and yet genuine in ways that were uniquely _them_ – only without any lovey dovey feelings slushing deep inside her this time – was huge. It got even bigger when Jeff led her to the table, where her old chair on Jeff's left was slid out and waiting for her.

"Wait, wait, this is Alison's chair now," Annie remembered. "I can't ask her to move."

"It's not like I'll be going far away," Alison chimed in. This made Annie finally notice that there was a new chair in between Annie's old chair and Shirley's.

"You're going to sit _there?" _Annie realized as she pointed to the new chair. "But shouldn't you be sitting next to Jeff now?" This risked making things uncomfortable again, yet Annie gave herself credit for offering to sit further from Jeff.

"Let's just try it this way for now and see how it goes," Alison counter offered. She then went over and sat in this new middle chair, so Annie had to admit that closed the discussion. With that, the rest of the group headed to their seats, and once Shirley got past Annie and Alison to sit down, Annie took a breath and lowered into her old chair.

Once she settled back in, she closed her eyes and let the past memories of sitting in this chair flood her. When she was done being nostalgic, she opened her eyes again and took in how everyone was staring at her and smiling. Even Jeff and Alison.

Annie needed to say something before she started sobbing, so she got out, "Thank you so much….I'm so sorry I had to leave here. But I missed you all…." Annie stopped herself, since she saw everyone at some point just last week, except one person. So she corrected, "I missed being _here _with you _every day_."

Right then, Annie saw just how true that was. In fact, she realized she missed being in this room with the whole group as much – maybe more – than she missed Jeff. He was one person, whereas this entire group made up all her best friends. Her _only _friends in her whole life. Now that she let herself come back to them and was back where she belonged, everything else seemed trivial.

Annie preemptively wiped her eyes, deciding to segway back into her old role in this room. "Now I know I e-mailed you notes the whole time, but I wasn't here to help you go over them. If there's something you still don't get from Friday's notes, we can clear it up now and get it out of the way."

"Actually, there's one thing we should address before we do anything," Jeff spoke out, and Annie couldn't quite pretend that her blood wasn't chilled. She thought Jeff would wait to talk about her 'absence' until Alison and the others were gone. Yet perhaps taking it on now, and having her other friends as potential backup, would be the easiest way to go.

"Halloween's in two days. This means we're running out of time before this year's Greendale horror show. So we need to start figuring out just what horrors are coming for us this time." So much for the dramatic confrontation theory.

"Wait, Jeff, you're actually _planning ahead_ for Halloween?" Annie couldn't help but ask. "Don't you ignore these things until you 'reluctantly' become the big hero?" How much _had _Annie missed?

"Well Annie, this is our last year, and Abed and the 'Mad Men' incident made it clear that final years are the craziest and dumbest of all. It's Greendale's last chance to drive us to the nut house, and since I want to leave with my bachelor's _and _my head, I'm not taking any chances," Jeff assured. "So, should we prepare for the Dean putting a zombie virus in our punch, or Chang forming a vampire cult?"

"Zombie virus, it's gotta be zombie virus!" Troy insisted. "I mean, _how _in the name of God have we not done zombie virus yet?"

"God's got nothing to do with it, this isn't _His _holiday," Shirley reminded. "If the other side's going to strike, it'll be with raining_ long_ overdue frogs and locusts on us! Or at least a frog and locust escape from the science lab."

"Oh, we'll have that coming, but not because God commanded it!" Britta started, before the rest of her pro-frog and locust rant was drowned out. Maybe nothing really had changed.

Like for example, how the group kept predicting what this year's Halloween crisis would be, rather than doing any studying. Annie loved seeing this again at first, yet she soon became annoyed at how nothing was getting done – just like the old days. But at least this time she could share glares of bemusement and annoyance with Alison, since she was actually a serious student too.

So Annie decided to settle this herself before they wasted _too_ much more time. "Okay, okay! If we have to plan ahead for something, it'll probably be from slasher movies. I don't want it to be, but we're way overdue."

"Then you'll be relieved when it turns out to be an alien scare," Alison countered.

"What? How does _that _make sense? At least slashers are human….kind of," Annie reminded. "Troy or Pierce will get a slasher mask and a kitchen knife stuck on them, then we'll get riled up to think there's a real killer, then we'll act out dumb slasher clichés and both of us will have our shirts off somehow! I don't see how that hasn't happened by now!"

"Come on, there's only so much you can get from spoofing that! One good story, tops!" Alison laid out. "Aliens are far richer! You really can't see Chang in an alien suit, going off his school mandated meds and making Dean Pelton think we're being invaded? Troy and Pierce might get masks glued on them, or a knife, but not both at once! Maybe Leonard would, but you didn't nominate him."

Annie couldn't argue there, and was at least glad to see one other plausible theory than hers. Before, she might have argued further with Alison to avoid being proven wrong, or to beat her at _something_. Yet she didn't mind being shown up _that _much by her – and not just because she really didn't want the horror movie theory to be right.

Annie had thought so many times in the past that Alison was taking her place, whether it was on purpose or not. However, the group had shown her so many times lately – and Jeff even did it today – that no one could replace Annie and what she did for them. That no matter who else came into their lives, Annie would always have a place with them.

And Alison really wasn't trying to be a new Annie either, even with Jeff. Annie knew Alison wasn't trying to show her up, but to chime in with a valid theory. She was just learning to be in a group of friends that she'd never had before – which Annie knew wasn't easy. But it sounded like Alison was doing okay so far, and now that Annie could see it, maybe she could help her along too. It was certainly better than being jealous of her.

Plus her Halloween theory helped the group settle down and get in five minutes of token studying before class. That was a big point in Alison's favor right there.

Annie's relief continued when she went to English class _and _looked at and sat near her friends for the first time. Avoiding that made class….slightly less fun before, yet now it was perfect instead of mostly perfect. Thinking of an English class as just mostly perfect was one of the sadder side effects of her sabbatical.

But at least lunch was perfect again too, as she was finally back at the popular table. Since the seating arrangements were looser here, Annie let Alison sit next to Jeff and gave them their space. She only looked up a few times to see them talk, feeling neutral each time.

However, the big thing Annie needed to get through was a one-on-one talk with Jeff alone. She could wait to see him after school at his apartment, but the last time that happened…..well, best to take baby steps first.

So when she finally saw him alone at the lounge area couch, playing games on his phone, it seemed like the right time to make a move. No one they knew was around, yet it was enough of a public place to keep Annie or Jeff from making a scene.

Annie walked carefully to the couch as Jeff stayed focused on his phone. "Are you winning?" she asked quickly to get his attention and break the ice.

"I'm letting the phone think its winning for a while first. I thought I'd be merciful for at least one round," Jeff quipped, although there was a bit of his usual snark missing. Annie let herself notice for just a second before she sat next to him.

"Jeff, I don't know what you think of me right now. I kind of went out of my way not to know lately," Annie noted. "I don't know how Alison explained it to you, or if you even understand it now. But I need you to know that _none _of it was your fault. You didn't make me do this, I did….to get away from you. But it was for all the right reasons!" She tried to assure, before pausing to find better words.

"I wouldn't blame you if you thought I acted like a crazy school girl again. But I did this to kill that school girl once and for all! To make sure she never terrorized you again!" Annie grimaced a bit at using those better words, then saw that Jeff had as well. Now she probably made him feel guilty for killing her innocent romantic world view, or something like that.

"Jeff, I didn't do this to stop caring about you," she revived. "You're still the most important person in the world to me. I did this so I wouldn't want to make you _more _important to me! Which is….kind of twisted when you say it out loud like that," she couldn't help but note and slightly chuckle over. Even Jeff cracked a tiny smile, so Annie got more confident from there.

"I gave up the study group….to a point….so I'd be sure I'd never act out at you and Alison again. And that was the _second _time I left a family behind to fix myself! But I want _this _family back, and I hope you still _really _want me back in it. I'm not saying I'm sorry for doing this, because I did it to help you and her _and _me! But I'm sorry if you hated it anyway," Annie conceded.

"If you still don't trust me to keep my distance, or don't trust me at all anymore….I understand. I just wanted you to finally hear this stuff from _me_, in case I don't get another shot." Annie wanted to give Jeff several seconds, before leaving after he didn't answer.

Yet it took just a second and a half until he said, "I missed you." This made her breath catch a bit – more by shock than by any other feeling.

"I don't _miss_ people, Annie. I can take or leave being around most of them every day. But it was different with you. And not just because it'd have been nice if you explained those notes in person," Jeff added.

"It was all right there if you really studied it, Jeff! I guess that was the prob – no, wait, I can set you straight on that _later_," Annie reminded herself.

"Right…." Jeff tried to stall for a moment. "Annie, I don't know what I can and can't say to you. And you can't expect me not to be a _little _offended by all this. All I can safely say is….I'd usually _brag _about being awesome enough to make women that crazy. With you….I, well….hate making you feel anything but….important, in your own words. You're too important to me for me _not _to miss you, Annie. Even being with someone else doesn't change that."

Old Annie would have nitpicked Jeff deeper, or been suspicious that he was that open. Or she'd accuse him of holding back and not being entirely truthful. Or been deflated that he reminded her he was with someone else, even after saying Annie was important to him. But although "You're important to me" and "I miss you more than I've missed anyone" could be read on many different, deeper levels….new Annie understood them on another.

Just because Jeff didn't love her didn't mean she wasn't important to him. She knew that much all along, except for when she forgot it for a while during their rougher moments. But she understood how Jeff could not feel that way and still miss her deeply – because she felt the same way about being away from Jeff. Now that she could love him without being afraid that she'd _love _him again, she appreciated this, and having Jeff back in any way, all the more.

As such, Annie answered Jeff back with, "So, dropping the _being with her _bomb already, huh?" But she quickly backtracked from her lame joke and got serious. "It's all right, Jeff. I stepped back because I didn't want to stop you from loving her. I really, truly get why you do, and you're lucky to be with her. And I know she's more than lucky to have you and _all _of us now. Now that I won't forget it, I promise I'll _never_ leave you guys again. Well, not by choice."

Annie let Jeff take that in, wondering if she had put a proper, reassuring bow on this. In a flash, she came up with a more comical bit of closure. "So….resolved!" Annie cheered right as she reached over and patted Jeff on the head, since he was easier to reach on the couch. The head pat was one of Jeff's more childish methods of brushing her off, but if Jeff could subvert one of their running gags, she could do it too.

If that didn't say something about her new resolve, she didn't know how louder she could be. She was already laughing pretty hard at pulling that off, and from the sound of it, Jeff was too. After they calmed down, they took a breath and focused on each other again.

"Well, at least you came back at the right time," Jeff reflected. "From all our theories, we need all hands on deck for the Halloween stuff. The costumes, the parties, the zombie virus or alien Chang attack….just so I know, you didn't renounce Halloween on your break, right?"

"Crap crap crap, the costumes!" Annie yelled in place of an actual answer. "I was so busy I forgot about costumes! Even when we discussed Halloween this morning!" She got up in a panic and hoped that pacing around would give her quick last-minute costume ideas.

"Well, aside from panicking over costumes this time, so much for the new Annie," Jeff mocked.

"Jeff! You don't put_ any_ effort into costumes, so you're not one to judge!" Unfortunately, Annie was too preoccupied to be proud of mocking Jeff back. "I, I know we've still got a lot to talk about, but I've got to start…."

"Go on, Halloween needs you dressing up, anyway. Besides, I've been merciful enough to my phone, anyway," Jeff pointed out as he got ready to play his phone game again. Annie just nodded, leaving Jeff behind in a panic for far different reasons than she feared.

Yet after Annie borrowed Abed's laptop, she made a preliminary list of 25 costume ideas. However, she finally made herself put off narrowing it down until after school. By then, Annie found herself thinking about Jeff again, if only in hopes of saying good night before he went home.

She found him and Alison just in time before they left campus, then straightened herself out so she didn't look flustered – although the costume list really caused that today. Nevertheless, Annie stayed steady and stated, "I just wanted to thank you two for….holding down the fort while I was gone, and for welcoming me back. I'm sure that should earn you a nice night out. Not that you need _my _permission!"

Annie hoped that came across as a self-deprecating joke more than anything else. Yet the couple looked okay with it, so she took that as a relief. "Okay, so I'll be back tomorrow and we can do this all again, then."

Jeff nodded, then let her know, "Hey. I'm glad you're staying." Admittedly, not flashing back to when he said those words right before the Transfer kiss took extra effort. However, it didn't show on Annie's face and her stomach was only in a very tiny knot. As such, she easily responded, "I'm glad I am too. And I'm glad you're staying too, Alison."

"I kind of like it myself," Alison agreed. "So, we'll see you tomorrow, then," she confirmed, then once Annie nodded, she and Jeff nodded back and headed on their way.

Annie watched them go with relief, having now officially passed this final exam with flying colors. Of course, all of her effort would be for nothing if she didn't do this every single solitary day. However, with the way she and Jeff got back into form – and how she didn't read anything into it – she was finally feeling pretty good about her chances.

Before, she would have noted that it felt like she and Jeff didn't settle _everything,_ and that there were still some leftover issues left unaddressed. That Jeff may have been a little more open and relieved to see her than she would have expected. That it really shouldn't have taken _that _fast for them to look back to normal. And that while they were good on this one day, Annie still didn't know if one Jeff/Alison fight or one close Jeff/Annie adventure/subplot would throw her off later.

Still, there was no way to answer all that now, and this probably wasn't the day to do it. Yet this _had _to be the day that Annie chose either a fairy or wicked witch costume for Halloween. So she rushed to get at least _that _much settled for good.


	7. Chapter 7

As it turned out, Annie liked going out of character to portray a wicked witch for Halloween. Not that she got to enjoy it much, since an alien Chang did terrorize the school in the afternoon – before Britta got mistaken for a slasher at the actual Halloween party. But it left too little room for any more Jeff/Annie/Alison drama that opening week.

Annie returned perfectly to her normal school/study group schedule, as did everyone else. Having eight members now instead of seven didn't throw things off at all, especially since Alison already had her two month training period. Her and Jeff talked and hung out like normal, and Annie said hello and talked with Jeff whenever she got the chance, yet nothing really serious was brought up.

In their second week back, Annie started off sitting next to Jeff at lunch while Alison took the seat across from her. Since the lunch seating charts were fluid and nothing had gone wrong yet, Annie just rolled with it and breezed through. Alison got herself next to Jeff on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, however, but Annie had too much actual school work to think about it then.

The only real challenge left was to endure a side-by-side adventure Jeff while staying on her best behavior. But this week actually gave her a side adventure with Pierce instead – which was rare but probably more difficult in its own way. Yet Annie had that ordeal taken care of and scrubbed out of her brain by Friday morning, nonetheless.

After the hysteria of Halloween, Annie figured there wouldn't be anything huge again for a few weeks. That was probably when she'd get paired with Jeff – but she knew even before Alison arrived that she could do friendship adventures with him. Until she had to prove it again, there wasn't much to really think about.

Yet with Troy and Abed out on location that Friday night, Annie had the apartment to herself and was ready to give her brain the night off. It only got one or two of those a month, and since this was an early vacation day, Annie knew this would be her last chance to tune out for a while.

But that didn't mean she couldn't do some light textbook re-reading to start off. Doing it on Abed's recliner, where he watched more mind-numbing stuff every day, seemed deliciously subversive.

Before Annie could make for the recliner, she had to make for the door after hearing several knocks. She sighed, figuring Abed forgot some imaginary weapon in the Dreamatorium again. Yet when she opened the door, she didn't see Abed.

"Alison?" Annie asked, although she clearly knew it was her. "Um, come in. Are you looking for Jeff or something?" Alison just strolled in and closed the door behind her.

"Troy and Abed aren't here, right?" she asked for some reason.

"No, they're shooting their Kickpuncher/Cougar Town crossover, remember?"Annie answered, remembering their brainstorming for crossover ideas this morning – more vividly than she cared to. At least they didn't go with their Emma/The Walking Dead idea.

"Good," Alison replied, then Annie waited two seconds for a follow-up.

And got it with a slap to the face.

The sound of the slap just rang in Annie's head for a second, before the pain finally registered. Yet even as she covered her cheek, she didn't make a sound – her entire voice box seemed paralyzed. But after seeing Alison's furious face – and realizing she had _no _idea what the hell was going on – Annie finally coughed out a "What?"

"I needed to do that just once." That answer hardly cleared things up at all.

"Do what?" Annie asked, only capable of adding one extra word.

"Shut up. I need to be angry with you just once. I need it before you go little Ms. perfect on me!" Alison stated with growing fury as she was advancing towards Annie.

"Where did you, what the hell?" Annie panicked, barely any more coherent than Alison. All she could do well was back up towards the kitchen.

"Just shut up and let me hate you! I have every right! Your sweet, innocent act is a lie!" Alison shrieked, as Annie thought she might have to grab a kitchen knife with her like this. She knew she had a big temper, yet this was nothing like when she defended real psychiatry against Britta. This was nothing like anything she could imagine, and she didn't even know what was happening. "Why am I lying?" Annie desperately asked to try and get one clear answer out of her.

"BECAUSE I DUMPED JEFF!"

That was far too clear _and _confusing all at once.

"You did….you did…?" Annie almost asked "You did what?" but she'd said 'what' once too often already. She needed to use a lot more words now, yet the only one coming to mind was, "Why?" And immediately she knew she could have done better.

"Don't you dare play naïve with me! Maybe it works on him, but not me! I know! I know I'm not the most important woman in the world to him, and I _never _was! I know it for a fact now! So congratulations, you got what you wanted!" Alison spat.

"Where did you…." Annie started and stopped. "_What_ the hell do you think you know?" she finally said with a bit more strength.

"I know he wasn't as happy with me as he was when you were around. I now know for _certain _that he's been better these last two weeks because of you! Even when I called him out on it, he wouldn't admit it! You think I was going to stick around after that? So again, congratulations, you split us up just like you wanted all along! Your 'oh, I'm so good and decent and I don't want to bang Jeff anymore' pretend act paid off _perfectly_!" Alison sarcastically congratulated.

And with those offensive insinuations, Annie had now found a few new words.

"I'm sorry? You're telling me I left the study group, left _him_….so I could break you up? When you _know _that's the one thing I _didn't _want to do?" Annie reminded her. "When I gave up being with my _family _so I _wouldn't _steal him? When _I let _you in my family and get _closer _to him when I was gone?"

As confused and lost as Annie still was, being angry at Alison's awful words was nice and clear to focus on, so she ran with it. "If _you're _the one who dumped _him_, then don't blame _me! _I did nothing but support you after that first day! And I could have done and told you _a lot _of things if I wanted you to dump him! But I _let _you have my friends! I _let _you have Jeff! I did _everything _to believe you were good enough for him and them, but maybe-"

And then six months of personal growth and rehab really paid off.

If they hadn't, Annie would have torn Alison apart, told her the real truth about her and Jeff – if she hadn't figured it out already – and felt joy in her heart over having a shot at Jeff again.

But Annie did none of that. She felt none of that either. Instead, she made herself take a few deep breaths, step away from Alison, and sit in Troy's recliner to try to kill her remaining anger with television.

Since there were no educational channels, this probably wouldn't calm her down that much. Yet flipping through reruns that Troy and Abed discussed a hundred times while Annie was trying to study, was at least _something _different to think about. Anything other than what Alison was telling her – and still _hadn't _told her.

Annie heard her sitting down in Abed's recliner, but still wasn't up to looking at her. She flipped through the channels faster, although it wasn't an effective distraction anymore. Especially when she heard Alison say, "_That's _why I had to be mad at you right away. Before I knew better. Now that I do, I'm so sorry, Annie….God, I really am."

The first part was kind of infuriating, but the second, third and fourth parts made Annie mute the TV and look over at Alison – whose face was far more human now. Maybe too much so, given the watery eyes and the shaky voice.

"I have every right to be mad, jealous and resentful of you. And I had to get that out before I remembered I _can't_ be. Because you're right. You could have made life Hell for me, but you tortured yourself so you could accept me. You even let me join them, be closer to him, and find connections with people that I never had before. I know you didn't do it for me, but….the sick joke is that you might have gone out of your way for me, and cared about my happiness, more than anyone I've ever met. Even Jeff…."

Annie both felt bad for Alison, and felt bad for feeling bad for Alison after her attack minutes ago. But all of a sudden, that deranged Alison had been replaced by her sadder, sympathetic side – a transformation Annie knew of all too well.

"But you helped get me that much, then you helped take it away without even trying to!" Alison reverted back to lamenting. "I've been hating you for that for the last hour! And then I've hated _myself _even more for it, because….I get it! I really, truly understand why Jeff loves you! More than he could ever love me!"

There was way too much for Annie to address after the first review of that speech. So she settled on going over the last thing – the most important, most incorrect thing. "Jeff doesn't love me," Annie informed her quietly. "It was all in my head…"

"So he told you that too, then?" Alison said with a bitter chuckle. "I can see how annoying that was for you."

That was all of the cryptic hints Annie could take about _whatever _happened with the ex-couple. "Alison….I need you to tell me what the hell happened tonight. _Please_. Maybe I don't deserve that much from you anymore, but pretend for a little while."

"It wasn't just tonight," Alison finally started, before sighing and filling in more. "Like I said at lunch, Jeff took a while to get back to normal when you left. But although he stopped talking about you, I knew he was still thinking about you. In the two months you were gone….Jeff wasn't the Jeff I knew from the spring and summer. He only acted like he was."

Annie couldn't even get out a "What? or a "Huh?" or even an "Acting?" to inject. So Alison continued with, "He _acted_ the same as ever, and no one from the group noticed anything. I think he knows how to actually fool them by now. But he couldn't fool me. I knew there wasn't the same spark in him that there was while you were here. We both know he pretends not to care about things, but I could tell he actually, _really _didn't care a lot these last two months. Because you weren't there to make him care, and I couldn't do any better. How could I?"

"Because you're his _girlfriend_?" Annie finally proposed. "He was just getting used to a new routine, you know how he hates change! None of that's proof about anything!"

"I told myself that at first too. Then I thought about the summer. You remember how he avoided too much contact with me during group outings? He's not a PDA person, I know! But he only started kissing me and touching me around you guys after our paintball game. When he knew we were getting along and you liked me. He only got closer to me in public _after_ he knew you didn't hate me!" Alison theorized. "Even then, you had more influence on him than I did. In fact, all of his behavior since May was influenced much more by you than me! And _you _weren't even trying!"

"I wasn't!" Annie repeated. "And that still doesn't prove how he feels about….us!"

"That was _my _next mantra. And it did work for a while. I put it aside and actually enjoyed being with him and the group. Some part of me thought I should enjoy it while I had the chance," Alison theorized. "And I was happy…._we _were happy. And then you told me you were coming back, so I had to resume my research. When I did, I knew for sure I was second place to him."

"Just from seeing things?" Annie checked. "Did he actually _say _anything? Wait, never mind, dumbest question I ever asked."

"Touche," Alison complemented. "But I didn't need him to. I saw it when you came back. With you there, he came alive more than he ever did while you were gone. I saw him sharing googly eyed looks with you at the study room far more than he did with me. And far more than he ever did with me while I was in that chair! I was next to both of you and I kept a tally in my head, and it was _not _a close call!

"Wait, is _that _why you let me sit in my old chair?" Annie voiced. "You were spying on our googly eyes?"

"Half of it was to welcome you back and show I wasn't trying to replace you!" Alison insisted. "The other half….was that other thing."

"But that could have been because I was at his left! You were sitting farther away, even though you're – _were _– his girlfriend!" Annie responded.

"That's why I double checked in the lunch room," Alison notified. "And at lunch, he paid far more attention when you were sitting next to him than when I was. I tested it _very _thoroughly this week to be sure! Oh, and let's not forget the head patting I saw in the longue area on the first day!"

"You saw that?" Annie gasped. "No, no, that wasn't out of love or anything! I was poking fun at one of our inside jokes!"

"And you have inside jokes too! Even if I had a 'Milord/Milady' bit of my own, I'm sure he'd think that was a cheap rip off! Leaving aside how it would be!" Alison added to talk herself down again.

"Alison, I'm sure it was just because it was my first week back," Annie tried to reassure. "Once he's used to me being around again, he'll focus on you. Like he's supposed to."

"That's why I stuck around for the _second _week. I thought one week of this was all he needed, but it stayed the same all this week too," Alison concluded. "That was more than enough for me to know. No matter what he _says _we mean to him, and even if he _really_ believes he's telling the truth, his eyes don't lie. They tell me I'll never mean as much to him as you do, then and now. I mean, you didn't see how his body language and attitude were so different with you near him?" she inquired. "Did you _really_ not notice?"

"I made sure I _didn't _notice because there's nothing _to_ notice!" Annie asserted. "You got paranoid and your eyes lied to you, they had to!"

"Just like you told yourself your eyes lied to you, when they saw something that 'wasn't there,'" Alison looked back. "But I know they weren't lying now. I told him when I broke up with him."

And there was the other big elephant in the room. "You told him _that_?" Annie took in. "What _else _did you tell him?"

"Everything I had to. I used my notes, math and common sense to tell him what he was doing! I thought maybe if he admitted some things, we might have a chance, but he kept shutting down. That's how I knew it was over. And then I just kept pressuring him, citing my stats and my notes, and throwing his denial right in his face until I just had to go," Alison recapped.

Now Annie was into full on panic mode for the first time since Alison's initial outrage. "You pushed him on all of that? Do….do you realize what you did? You made him retreat into his feelings bubble! You can't push him on personal stuff like that and expect him to _admit _anything! Especially if you call him out like _that_! I know what I'm talking about!"

The more Annie went on, the more she realized how bad this really was – and was about to get. "Even if you're right about him, he'll _never _admit it now! He'll just close off like always when he's cornered like that, and he won't come out anytime soon! He'll act like he doesn't care more than ever, and it could take months before _anything _real comes out! And we only _have_ months left in Greendale! He might never tell me anything heartfelt again until graduation! Or _ever_!"

"Yeah….in some subconscious way….and a couple of conscious ways…. I think I knew that," Alison admitted.

"You knew that was the wrong way and you did it anyway?" Annie double-checked. "Well, I wasn't thinking about _helping _him at the time!" Alison reminded.

"Okay, look, maybe it's not too late. If he didn't confirm anything, there's still wiggle room. Can't you just…._try _to make it work with him again and believe him? And me? You could be wrong about this whole thing! It took me a while to see I was wrong, but I got through it and you can too!" Annie pleaded.

"You're _really _going to keep telling yourself you were wrong? If you think you believe that, then you're as delusional as he is," Alison informed. "But I can't live in that dream world, Annie. I can't pretend he feels more for me than he does for you. And I can't stick by while he's lying about what he feels for _both_ of us, whether he knows it or not. You did it for over two years and you're still doing it, but I'm not you, Annie. In too many ways, I'm not you…..the most of which is I'm not as strong as you. Not in that way."

"And now _I _have to be? Again?" Annie groaned. "I don't _have _to be….I shouldn't….this isn't fair!" she noted with nothing better to say.

"I wouldn't talk about _fair _in front of me," Alison reverted back to being angry. "You're coming out of this with Jeff, and all your friends back all to yourself! I have to leave him, _and _leave all of you so I don't get even more bitter and punch someone! Probably him or you! By the time I feel better, you and him will be together and rubbing it in, then we'll just graduate anyway! So what's the point?"

"We're not together! I mean, we're not going to _be _together!"Annie corrected. "And if there was even a slight chance, you just killed it! I mean, even if I _wanted _it, you killed it! I mean…."

Clearly Annie didn't have another theory – or a good one, anyway. But she couldn't cry over it in front of Alison. She couldn't let her brag about leaving her like this – or feel manipulated into feeling sorry for her, in spite of everything. But she couldn't…..she didn't know _what _she could or couldn't do anymore. Or what she wanted, or what she could let herself want.

That was no longer supposed to be a problem.

"I'm too happy to see you like this," Alison confessed. "And I'm too _sad _to see you like this too. I can't keep going back and forth between the two….not this strongly. I have to get out while I can, no matter how much I'm leaving behind."

"But I _can't _get out," Annie pointed out. "I tried, I couldn't do it, and it didn't mean _anything _now…."

"I want to say it serves you right. I want to say if you never left, this wouldn't have happened and you know it. I want to believe you knew Jeff would miss you so much he'd obsess over _you _for a change, and you wanted it that way. But I _know _you didn't at _all_! And yet a big part of me doesn't and there's no reasoning with her! So the only way to shut her up and stop her slapping spree is to go away. Now that I'm not needed to cover up _anything_," Alison got out before getting up from the recliner.

"Alison!" Annie screamed out before she had a chance to escape. Once Alison stopped at the front door, Annie realized she really had nothing. But she probably wouldn't get another chance to say anything to her, because of….of them.

All there was to whisper was, "I, I never wanted _this_," before Annie's eyes watered up too bad – and before she flashed back any more to her last visit at Jeff's apartment. "I really wanted….I really wanted to be a better member of Team….Jalison?" It took a lot of effort not to laugh at that mash-up, although it barely worked.

"I know. I wish I didn't, but I know," Alison admitted. "And I really, _really _wish I could have been on Team Jannie." Alison didn't even try not to laugh, although it turned bitter at the end. "But relationships are just too complicated."

Both women flashed right back to Jeff, which made Alison frown again and open the door. Yet when she stepped outside and took one more look at Annie, her frown was already melting and had devolved into a tearful quiver. Specifically once she saw the now less red spot on Annie's cheek that she had slapped.

Annie took in the regret and shame on Alison's face – and if it was that awful on Alison, Annie could only imagine how she looked after yelling at Jeff's this May. Yet she snapped out of it when Alison returned towards her and quietly stated, "Do you….need to pay me back for slapping you? Go on. Do it if you want to, before I change my mind."

Alison presented her face for Annie to actually slap – and it was very tempting. After what she told him, what she did to Jeff, how she made Annie doubt everything about her and Jeff all over again – and that slap to boot – perhaps slapping her back would give her something to build on.

But that something to go on would be built on rage, irrational anger and overwrought emotions. The exact emotions that would only make this mess worse for Annie right now. And they couldn't afford to get any worse.

And she didn't want to be any _more_ furious at Alison. Not when she took a stand, vowed not to settle for being second place to anyone in Jeff's heart, and found the strength to cut the cord for good. Her slap at Annie didn't negate _all _100 percent of those admirable, _enviable_ actions. And it wasn't just admirable because Jeff was free now – at least Annie hoped and prayed it wasn't.

So Annie went for something between rage and peace, and gave Alison a relatively light, quick slap. She then grabbed her own wrist to make absolutely sure she wasn't tempted for more. "There. That's all I can let myself do. It might not be all I _want _to do, but it's all I want to live with," Annie explained.

"Like I said….I'm certainly not as strong as you," Alison reflected one last time, before finally letting herself leave the apartment and leave Annie all alone again.

Although Annie did feel all alone, she knew it wasn't really that way – and that was actually a bad thing here. She was still surrounded by Alison's words, her confessions, Jeff, more Jeff and those old Jeff questions that were supposed to freaking _die _already. Yet there was no hiding that Alison brought them back to life, halfway because her bitter side wanted to hurt her. Well, that half of her could rejoice now.

It was all for nothing. Everything Annie put herself through these last six months, and everything she tried to fix and preserve, all meant nothing. It meant nothing the second Alison dumped Jeff anyway. Or it meant nothing well before that, if Alison really had seen….something in Jeff. Something Annie trained herself never to see again – and that would soon be all for nothing too.

She was right back where she started, and even worse off for having tried and failed to escape all this. She was worse off because of the collateral damage that was Alison as well. Nothing Annie did – whether it was trying to cure herself of Jeff, have a regular friendship with him, or even just to make a new friend – none of it was worth anything. That _combined _with her brand new Jeff uncertainty was just too crushing.

Before she was fully crushed, however, she heard her phone ring. Yet she was thoroughly incapable of dealing with anyone right now. Maybe saying so before hanging up would take _some _edge off. So before she saw who was calling, Annie got out her cell phone, answered it and called out, "What is it?" hoping to get a quick answer and then tell the caller to try again later.

Yet there was no answer. And this gave Annie time to actually read the caller ID. And when she did, her voice was paralyzed once again.

"I was happy, you know," Jeff's unmistakably unhappy voice said over the phone. "I was happy before Greendale, before you, before all of it! Then I was happy with her, and you had to ruin that too!"

Annie was nearly drained, yet was still almost ready to cry crap on that and lay into him. Lay into him for letting Alison go, for not loving Alison enough….for not being…..so many other things with Annie. But as Jeff went on, Annie just realized she had to let him keep going.

"Isn't it bad enough you put things in _my _head? You're, you're a _ruiner! _You're worse than a Britta, and at least _she _stopped nagging me to pieces after I did her! Will you give me my life back_ now?_" Jeff demanded.

Somehow, someway, Annie still knew enough not to take any of it seriously. "Did you do it? Did you get all your bitter, crazy thoughts out of your system?" she asked, knowing full well it wasn't necessary to add on, "Like I did with you back in May." It was too obvious for even Jeff to ignore.

The way he sighed out "Yep…." seemed to confirm that. Yet that was all Annie could handle right about now.

"I don't think either of us can say much more right now, Jeff. Not tonight, anyway. Besides, you need the weekend to make up a good story for why Alison left." Annie was genuinely trying to help Jeff avoid the worst from the group on Monday. She just hoped it came across that way.

"I'll see you there on Monday, Jeff," Annie assured to try and wrap this up peacefully. As she hung up, she thought she heard Jeff take a breath before cutting off the call. She couldn't be sure – but since that applied to everything else in her life right now, just a half hour after it looked solid again, it made sense.

Annie finally did give her brain a vacation that night after all. But it was more of a forced vacation.

Crying into her bed over her failed sabbatical, the loss of her friend, and the loss of anything resembling normal with Jeff was hard enough without _thinking _even more about them too.


	8. Chapter 8

Annie only got a few breaks in the next two days. The first was that Troy and Abed easily believed she stayed in her room all weekend because of studying. In addition, neither Jeff nor Alison called to make things harder for her – and since no one else called, the news of their breakup hadn't hit the group yet as well.

But other than that, it was not a pleasant weekend to speak of. And Monday stood to be even worse once only seven people arrived in the study room. Worse yet, everyone would expect a big reaction from Annie – especially after all she put herself and the group through so she wouldn't break them up. How was she supposed to hide that technically, she caused it anyway? To say nothing of how Jeff would hide it?

And the little problem of facing Jeff wasn't fun either.

All Annie could do was control her public reaction first, and make sure it didn't boil over into something worse. So she spent all Sunday preparing for this, then arrived to school on Monday morning running through her game plan.

She must have concentrated pretty hard, since she didn't snap out of it until Shirley yelled at Jeff right next to her. By the time Annie caught up, she saw that Shirley was askmanding for answers on why Jeff dumped her fellow believer. Abed was listing the failed new TV characters who got written out for no reason to fix a show's mistakes. Then Britta tried her hand at asking why Jeff and Alison broke up – wondering if it was something Alison's "real psychiatry" couldn't solve.

Annie couldn't look at Jeff yet, but she heard him talk about how he and Alison got into an argument, and he retreated and cut her off when things got real, as usual. Objectively, that sounded like enough of an explanation, since everyone knew he always did that. For Annie, she just made sure she didn't ask him what – and who – he backed away from in this argument. But her last six months of personal rehab, and this last weekend of planning for this, kept her still and quiet.

"Wait, so Annie dumped us for nothing?" Pierce finally spoke out. Annie thought that Troy would be the one to mindlessly point that out first. But it made little difference, as this let her start her prepared response anyway.

"Maybe I did, Tr- Pierce – and I'm sure I'll yell at Jeff about it later. But I'm not going to do it here," Annie spoke in a slightly obvious rehearsed tone. "He's obviously guilty enough without us jumping all over him. We can do it in private if we have to, but I don't think we should go through it in here. So let's drop it and get back to studying."

Annie _really _wanted to get real, honest answers from Jeff for the first time ever instead of defending him. But asking for answers in public, when he would clearly never give them to her, never worked before and made her look worse. Besides, she wasn't sure she was even up for cornering him in private anyway. Yet if the group kept talking about this on and on, who knows how she or Jeff would snap?

"Annie, I don't know if we can just drop it," Shirley had to insist. "Alison was one of our last hopes for salvation, even if she didn't toe the line sometimes. If Jeffrey drove her away, we've got to make him come to his senses! Or she can't help you eat at the cool Heaven table with us!"

"Shirley, I already know this is tragic. I mean, I lost a friend because Jeff screwed up," Annie stopped herself before going into more upsetting places. "But I don't want to relieve that and have it rubbed in all day, and I'm sure Jeff doesn't either. We're both upset enough, so maybe we should deal with this in our own _private _way."

"You're just saying that because-" Britta started to say before Annie jumped in.

"Britta, drop it!" Annie warned, squeezing her hands together below the table to keep from getting any angrier – and more revealing. "The next person who brings this up and makes this harder to deal with isn't getting my notes today! Or any e-mail notes either, okay?"

Fortunately, that sent enough of a chill through everyone to make them quiet. Annie breathed a small sigh of relief, then made herself turn to Jeff to give him a courtesy nod of assurance. Jeff just stayed still, looking….like something.

Annie had finally mastered the art of reading nothing into Jeff during their big moments. Yet according to Alison, she did it so well that she didn't notice how Jeff was _really_ looking at her – and had been doing it far more than with his girlfriend. Now Annie didn't know how to look at Jeff or what to look for, so she buried herself back into her far less cryptic books.

She did the same thing in English class so she wouldn't look at Alison, who was still in the same class as everyone. Annie also didn't check to see if Jeff or her other friends went to her for more details. And she supposed that the others wouldn't just stop talking to Alison because they thought _Jeff _dumped _her_.

But if they kept talking to Alison, they didn't say in front of Annie. If they got more details about Jeff and Alison's breakup from any of them, they didn't bring it up in group meetings. Annie didn't hear a thing about the matter from then on in, and Jeff didn't bring it up or act any different during their adventures.

Yet that was the only time Annie got to study him. Over the next three weeks, she and Jeff didn't share any one-on-one time, and went by the numbers in talking to each other amongst the group. They each kept their emotions subdued in those moments – assuming Jeff had emotions to subdue – so to the group, nothing was wrong between them.

However, the situation was both killing and relieving Annie inside. She still had no idea what she could ask or say to Jeff about so many things, or how safe it was for them to bring certain things up. But the fact that Jeff didn't come to her to explain anything, or apologize for his outburst on the phone, or apologize for however he drove away Alison…..it may have been for the best, but it still hurt.

But since Annie wasn't coming to Jeff either, she didn't know if she even _could_ be offended. She didn't know about so many things, which was both rare and incredibly awful. She didn't know what to think, what to study, what to focus on or how to even feel. Although she put on her happy face for the group and Jeff in public, she was decidedly less happy in private. And she had no idea what to do about it, or if she even could do anything.

She did know she hadn't melted down publicly or privately about this, that she and Jeff didn't talk and make this worse, that the group had stayed quiet like she wanted, and Alison had steered clear as well. Other than that, Annie knew nothing – and that and her inability to change it was doing a number on her.

And the worse that felt, the more she'd probably explode when it was too much. And then she'd probably lose everything she worked so hard to keep anyway. Including Jeff. _Whatever _he was.

On the Saturday morning before Thanksgiving, Annie tried to take a break and get at least one day of peace. She was making her cereal and enduring Troy and Abed's Saturday morning "Cougarton Abbey" series rewatch before she heard a knock. Annie frowned in curiosity, not expecting anyone to visit here on a Saturday morning – and Abed was giving his film crew the weekend off.

But it wasn't the film crew standing at the door when Annie opened it. Just one giant man.

"Good, you're up," Jeff started. "How long until you're dressed?"

"What?" Annie asked in her confusion, as it didn't register that Jeff was seeing her in her pajamas – thankfully.

"We're going to spend the day shopping," Jeff further confused her. "Shirley needs a few things for the group's Thanksgiving dinner. So we might as well get them now, before we stumble into a spoof of Die Hard on Thanksgiving Day."

"Actually, we'd be likely to spoof Die Hard 2. But thank you for sparing us from that, Jeff," Abed noted from his recliner. Yet Annie ignored him and tried to press on as best she could.

"Jeff, you're _really _here to take me Thanksgiving _shopping_? Why would you do that? Why would you _not _want to play Die Hard? And…." At that, Annie stumbled as she tried to review what she could or couldn't ask without going sideways. It was hard enough to figure that out when Jeff _wasn't _here. And now that he was and was asking for them to go out all alone….

"Annie, I don't want to argue." This made Annie flare up for a second before she realized how he sounded. He wasn't saying this out of anger, nor was he saying it as an order. "I don't want to argue and I didn't come here to argue. I really didn't."

Annie loathed that she could catch the sincerity in Jeff's plea, since now it might make her want to notice other things. But it was either take that risk or shut him out and make things so much worse. And she was sick of feeling worse every day. If this was Jeff's way of saying he was sick of it too….

"All right, Jeff, I won't argue. Just give me a minute, okay?" Annie carefully asked. Once Jeff nodded, she went off to eat a little cereal, get dressed and run through speeches for whatever game changing talks were coming.

Annie didn't expect them to talk right away, so she wasn't thrown off when Jeff drove her to the store in silence. She was a bit taken aback when there were many other shoppers there to pick up Thanksgiving supplies early. And then it got weird when the store manager announced there was just one turkey left – and the next supply would come in on Tuesday when there'd be a much bigger rush.

The only way to avoid that madness was a winner take all battle royale in this store. And before Jeff or Annie or any of the other 14 customers could be offended and leave, the doors were locked, a closed sign was hung and the windows were draped.

Yet this was better than waiting until the last minute to find turkey they likely couldn't get, which they'd all do otherwise. But at least there were much smaller mobs of psychopaths to fight off here. Before Annie could protest and demand that Jeff do the same, the other customers started hurling food all around. However, Jeff actually covered her and got stains on his precious suit while getting them to safety.

Before Annie knew it, she and Jeff were working together to navigate the store, look for the prize turkey, and survive this deranged, un-filmed reality TV-like battle to the moral death. Using everything shy of a bow and arrow, the two survived the traps and showdowns with the turkey-crazed customers. Once Annie had been targeted, Jeff had actually put in an effort – yet was shocked when Annie got through her battles without much help from Jeff.

It was a vintage Jeff/Annie Greendale adventure outside of Greendale. If Annie didn't know better, she'd have wondered if Jeff set this up as some elaborate stunt to bond with her again. If anyone could convince a store to shut down for an afternoon over a crazy, messy, satirical fight for turkey, it'd be Jeff.

Yet when Jeff finally found the turkey, it didn't seem like a rehearsed moment. And neither did the Winger speech he used when he talked the beaten contestants out of their bloodlust for him, and trained it back onto the manager.

God, it really had been_ three_ months since Annie heard a Winger speech. In her weaker moments, she really missed hearing them once every week or three.

Finally Jeff and Annie made their escape, as the Winger-swayed mob took their vengeance on this insane capitol of supermarket tyranny. Once Annie wondered if they went too far – only out of tradition if nothing else – she rejoiced over having gotten the turkey and excelling with Jeff as her partner again.

But after they rejoiced together, they saw that this whole battle had only taken 30 minutes. They didn't even spend 8-14 minutes talking about other things in between, so this was a truly action packed ordeal. Of course, they were no closer to actually talking through their real issues. Yet at least this was a hell of an icebreaker.

It also made them hungry, so Jeff next drove them to lunch. Once they made sure there'd be no battle royale for bacon and eggs at the restaurant they found, they sat down. Fortunately, thanks to their last big adventure, they had something to talk about other than their relationship.

Going over it all and praising each other's survival skills took up the first half of their lunch. But once that died down, they had to think of other ways to dance around their issues. And yet Annie wasn't consciously trying to dance around them – she was just enjoying her first easy conversation with Jeff in over half a year. However, since they had the turkey, she figured that they would drop it off at Shirley's and be done for the day.

Yet Jeff revealed that he wanted to get other Thanksgiving food, and stuff for the dinner table, while they were still out. If they did that, then he figured he wouldn't have to do any other holiday tasks for the next year or five. At least that was his explanation out loud. But he admitted that since Annie was the more experienced planner, she might know the best stuff to get.

Annie was more of a school and wedding planner, yet she did know enough about good Thanksgivings. It was the last holiday of the year where her parents' religions didn't clash, along with her parents in general. So it was often the last completely peaceful day for her in some of her teen years. Once she finished stating that, she caught a glimpse of Jeff looking sorry and sympathetic before he hid it – another blast from the distant past.

But Annie figured that since Shirley was hosting Thanksgiving, she already had her own stuff ready. Yet Jeff insisted it wouldn't hurt to have backup stuff around, once the first two acts of the dinner went horribly wrong. Using Abed speak put Jeff's argument over the top, as Annie then went full steam ahead into planner mode.

Although Jeff drove her around, Annie completely directed him on where to go. They found a few sane supermarkets to get canned food, and Annie also found a few places to get new tablecloths, forks, pans and a couple of centerpieces. She even had them go to a toy store to find a few toys for Shirley's kids. Hopefully, this would keep them busy enough to stay out of the kitchen while the adults were cooking.

After Annie was satisfied that they had everything – and that Annie paid for enough to keep Jeff's bank account intact – she was ready to take everything to Shirley's. But Jeff dropped his next bombshell by stating that Shirley and her family were out for the weekend. As such, they would need to put all this stuff in Jeff's apartment until he could deliver it.

Annie agreed before she let _all _of her nerves show on her face. Yet since they both knew this would be her first trip to the apartment since….that night in May….it wasn't like she was hiding anything. Especially since Jeff probably set this whole thing up for her to go there at the end. Was he just trying to help her erase that night, or do something else?

Since she was back to the dark old days of not knowing what the hell Jeff wanted from her, Annie briefly wanted to go home. Yet she was now dealing with a Jeff who had just had a serious girlfriend, been told some harsh things about his feelings for Annie, and was actually doing well in therapy. Maybe this Jeff would be different – and if he wasn't, this Annie was different enough to deal with it better.

With that, Annie stayed calm on the outside as she headed back to Jeff's apartment. Fortunately, they had to figure out where to put all their stuff, so that took up several opening minutes. But after narrowly fitting everything in, and having a healthy debate or two on how to do that, the beginnings of an awkward silence were felt.

Then Annie realized she had to be the one to break it. Jeff had taken command in setting up this little day out, which was his first big step. Annie still didn't know why he had done this, but she could shoot down some theories as her first step.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Annie started. When Jeff was properly taken back, Annie continued with, "I mean, you didn't do anything wrong since May. Not to me." Unfortunately, this reminded them both of how he did do her wrong before then, and how he did more wrong to Alison after that. But Annie made herself get to her original point anyway.

"If you're feeling guilty over my last visit here, you don't have to. You don't even have to be upset over that phone call! You were mad because you lost your girlfriend, and it was a total shock to you….I assume. How could you be in your right mind then?"Annie rhetorically asked.

"_None _of us did anything wrong since May. You just found love, and I just had to leave because I had to at the time. We weren't wrong to do any of that, but we both feel rotten about it anyway," Annie realized. "Really, the only mistake when it comes to _us_ was when I yelled at you six months ago. You yelled at me a few weeks ago because you lost someone, but I yelled even though I _didn't_ lose you! Just an idea of you I should have lost a lot earlier. _That's _the only thing worth apologizing for in this whole mess."

"But I never accepted your apology," Jeff finally answered. "You said you were sorry, and I said 'are you'?" Annie took a while to recall that part, yet it came to her pretty quickly.

"You apologized right away that night, and I didn't even believe you meant it," Jeff recalled. "I did when you left, but it's not like I had the guts to say it to you. I mean…..you know me," he said a little shakily, which inspired Annie's next topic.

"Do I? I don't think I have all year. Although a lot of that was my fault too," Annie admitted. "But for one reason or another, we haven't known each other or been close for months. Not even in the summer or when I came back, even after we 'resolved' stuff."

"Well, what do you think _this _is, then?" Jeff countered, waving at the areas where they put away Thanksgiving stuff. "Do you really think I'd spend the day _shopping,_ for _food_, for _any _other reason than to do that? I mean, none of this is good for my hair or my wardrobe, although those psycho customers begged to differ. But I got it anyway so we could do _something_!"

"I….I didn't ask you to do that, Jeff," was all Annie could say.

"Well, why didn't you? You told the group that you'd yell at me in private about Alison later. So why didn't you?" Jeff somehow asked.

"You, you _wanted _me to yell at you?" Annie got out.

"I don't know! No matter what _she_ said to me or probably said to you, I don't know! I don't know anything, happy now?"

Of course Annie wasn't happy, and she could tell Jeff wasn't happy either as he sat on his couch. She was more confused than anything else, since they were both really rambling more than anything else. But from the end of that last ramble, it sounded like Jeff was confused too. Maybe even more than she was.

Of course he was.

For all of Annie's confusion and struggle to understand all of this, she failed to see that Jeff might be that way too. She just assumed – or tried not to – that he was fully aware of any feelings he had for her, and that's why they ruined things with Alison. But what if he was oblivious? He really was so much of the time, or tried to pretend he was.

Yet if he really didn't know he was being more affectionate towards Annie than Alison….and it really shocked him that Alison dumped him for it….and he really did want Annie to talk to him while being too confused and uneasy to make the first move….just like she was….?

Oh, craphole.

On that note, Annie sighed and put a hand on Jeff's arm, noting how his back stiffened up in surprise. "Jeff, I'm here now," she offered. "If there's anything you want to say, I promise I'll listen. I won't overreact one way or the other either. I'd just like to help you feel better, if I still can."

"Annie, I don't like….sharing with people," Jeff started ominously. "Even when I do, I usually don't like it. There's only three scenarios in my life when I've felt differently. When I've talked to Alison, when I've been in group therapy, and when I've talked to you. But now Alison's gone, and I still haven't found a new group that she's not in. That only leaves you and look where we are now. Like you said, it's no one's fault. We just both feel lousy about it anyway."

"Yeah….wait a minute," Annie trailed off as some things dawned on her. "You started talking to me long before Alison and group therapy. So the first thing you liked opening up to was me?"

"Well, that explains all my rookie mistakes, doesn't it?" Jeff tried to joke, but they both knew it wasn't the best way to explain it.

"Jeff, how do you expect me to read into something like that?"Annie wanted to know.

"I don't know. I'm not saying it to be evasive, I just don't know," Jeff assured. "I don't know if….what Alison said to me that night is really true, either. And I _know _she must have told you what that was."

"Screamed it at first, actually," Annie chimed in, not even bothering to deny it.

"I know I should know this stuff by now, but….with all our old issues and now all our new ones….I'm too mixed up. And I'm sure you are too," Jeff noted. "I'm tired of both of us feeling like that, and I was even before I met Alison," he left hanging. "I _want _to figure this out for good, I do. But I can't do it without your help."

Post-therapy Jeff was more open, that much was true. Even after these last few rotten weeks. Yet Annie still needed to hear more. "What are you trying to ask me, Jeff?" she carefully inquired.

"I haven't asked anything yet, I'm still explaining. You're pulling all A's in English, you should know the difference." It seemed Jeff was once again deflating something serious with a joke – but Annie did appreciate the chance to laugh right now. And yet it didn't mark the end of this heart-to-heart after all.

"I _want _to figure….us out. But that's not going to be possible if we can't even hang out together. You're right, we haven't done that at all for over six months. So we're going to have to change that. I mean, before we were anything else, we were friends. Kind of close to being…."

Jeff trailed off a bit, then seemed to try and will himself to continue. However, Annie already knew what he was going to say. "Being best friends," she filled in.

"Right. If we can't even be that anymore, how are we going to sort out the rest?" Jeff asked. "I want to be who we were – the _good_ parts of who we were – before we start sorting out what we will be. But it means nothing if we aren't friends again. Especially the kind of friends we usually are."

"Do you want to be more than that, Jeff? At some point?" Annie had to be absolutely certain.

"Do _you_ still want it?" Jeff asked. And that actually threw Annie off, which Jeff likely counted on. After all, she spent months trying _not _to want it anymore. "Exactly," he pointed out. "And even if we were sure we wanted it now, we probably owe ourselves better than to jump right in."

"Not to mention Alison," Annie slipped out. Although they might never see her again after the semester, she didn't deserve to see all her theories come true right in her face. Especially when they didn't know for sure if they were true.

"Right, so let's forget all that other stuff for now. Not because you're running away or I'm running away or I'm in denial. I just…." Jeff seemed to steel himself before he made himself say this next part. "I want to be your best friend again. I miss being at least _that _much, and I miss ignoring your advice when we both know I'll take it at the end anyway," he quipped. "And I hate that you've been back for three weeks and I _still _miss you. I miss us, really. Okay, that one was too much even for group therapy me."

"Maybe, but it's not bad, though," Annie tried to say evenly. "For what it's worth, I never actually admitted I missed you. Not some fantasy version of you, or something I wanted to….like just to feel liked. I missed _you_, and I missed the real _us_. Okay, that was too much even for old rehab Annie too."

After they shared a good long laugh, Annie got less sentimental and more hopeful. "Look at that. Even with all this other crap, we've been having fun. We had a whole crazy adventure together, we did things you were supposedly too manly to do, and we were more open with ourselves than ever. Even _now, _we can do that! That's just…. _us_!" Annie cheered before smiling right at Jeff, which made him smile on cue. "Thank you for wanting that back, Jeff."

On that note, Annie reached over and gave him a hug. Not a by-the-numbers 'resolved' hug or a regular old friend hug – but a real Annie hug, the likes of which she hadn't given Jeff in a long time. And this time, there were no butterflies or fantasies or girlish thoughts running through her head – not any that she couldn't handle.

She was just showing gratitude and love for a friend. A once and future best friend and maybe….someone she could consider to be something else_ if _she was ready. And she even kept that perspective when Jeff hugged her back as well.

"I _am _really sorry I yelled at you, though," Jeff confessed.

"I know," Annie informed as she broke from Jeff to set him straight. "But you spent months trying to make sense out of your feelings. Then you got blindsided and they jumbled up all over again from some shocking news. Your good side didn't know what to do, so the bad one took over in the chaos. And it made you too guilty to face it until now," Annie finished. "I understand what that's like. I wish I didn't, but I do. So just stop feeling sorry for yourself before you leave us and hide out at the Gap, okay?"

"Well, now that _that's_ out…" Jeff quipped, which actually made Annie relieved. But there was no sarcasm in Jeff's relieved eyes, which reassured Annie and made her hug him again.

"So I take it this means you might stay for dinner?" Jeff broke the silent hugging with. "I think there's still _some _food left here that isn't Shirley's." He was kind of right, as he did still have food of his own – just barely enough dinner food for him and Annie. As it turned out, asking her to stay for dinner wasn't part of his original plan. It just came out of him during their hug. Interesting.

Once Jeff managed to make their dinner, he finally got down to real business. He asked her something he had been dying to ask for months but never got the chance to – what it was like to crush Simmons like a little douche bug. Her bragging and his awe took up the entire dinner and an extra half hour.

By then, Annie saw little point in leaving now, so she stayed to flip through TV and movie channels with Jeff. They even saw a few shows that Troy and Abed had gotten Annie to watch during her sabbatical – some of which Annie could even explain to Jeff. The others were too illogical for Annie to explain with a straight face, yet her attempts were more entertaining to Jeff than the shows themselves.

Soon it was late enough for Annie to get going, although Jeff pointed out that the weekend wasn't over yet. As such, it wasn't awkward, sentimental or anything else weird when Annie left, since she came back after lunch the next day. After all, Jeff was going to give Shirley her Thanksgiving stuff when she came back that night, and he needed help guarding it until then.

While they 'guarded it' Jeff and Annie got to discussing the other ordeals and adventures they were on during Annie's absence. Annie was relieved to finally hear Jeff's perspective on the Mad Men debacle, while Jeff tried desperately not to mock her for her visits to Pierce's mansion. He even brought up his group adventures with Alison once or twice without feeling too awkward.

Sometime in mid-afternoon, Annie brought up Jeff's revelation that he hadn't been to therapy since the breakup. She tried to make him see that he shouldn't give up on it and he could always find a new group. Plus, Alison had been in therapy for years despite being better already. So, compared to that, leaving now would make Jeff look like a quitter.

Jeff insisted that therapy made him less affected by those attacks on his manhood. This both made Annie's case and showed how affected it _did _make him. Yet since this was one of those things where Jeff would ignore Annie's advice and then take it anyway, they ultimately dropped the issue.

After a few more talks and parts of a few movies, Annie helped Jeff load up Shirley's new stuff. They drove in separate cars and wound up getting there minutes after the Bennetts returned. Shirley was so excited and thankful to get her turkey early that she didn't even ask about Annie being with Jeff. So it was one final victory for the weekend before Annie took off for home.

These last two days were meant to get her friendship with Jeff back to normal – but this still wasn't really normal. When they were friends before, they never spent the weekend together, came as close to revealing feelings as they did, or did this much that wasn't school related. Although Jeff and Annie were now both experts in denial and avoidance behavior, even they couldn't ignore that. It was bringing it up that was another matter they hadn't faced yet. But that was okay.

None of them wanted to address the deeper stuff yet, but it wasn't because they were cowards. Not this time. As much as one or both of them might have wanted more, even after all this – they missed what they _were_ more. They missed the teasing and the banter, and being surprised that they were the first people they turned to in a crisis. They missed trusting each other in ways that transcended any romantic feelings, and being there for one another in spite of all their other problems together.

They missed being Jeff and Annie.

And whatever else Jeff and Annie were, they didn't need romance and drama to care about each other – in ways they didn't care, or didn't show that they cared, for anyone else. Whatever else they were meant nothing if they didn't have that. But if they were that again, Annie finally felt like it would be enough to make the rest fall into place. Whenever it did or _however _it did.

For the first time since the middle of May 2012, they were starting to get that back. And maybe for the first time since well before May 2012, that was enough to an extent. To what _greater_ extent was a question for some other day.

However, this time there was more certainty that such a day would actually come. At least _sometime_ in the future.


	9. Chapter 9

When Annie returned to the study group, it was supposed to help put everything back to normal. When Alison left the study group, it seemed to be another "back to normal" sign. Yet those big events didn't put the world of the study group back in order, but the next two-plus months did.

It happened gradually after Thanksgiving break – and after the group stumbled onto a Die Hard 2 scenario anyway. After that, nothing out of the ordinary happened by their standards. But there was no more drama about love lives, and barely any references/callbacks to the Jeff/Annie/Alison ordeal. And not just because the group didn't want to make Annie stop giving them notes.

When it came to Jeff and Annie, they behaved normally – and even started behaving like normal when they were together. Although they shared more one-on-one moments at Greendale and even started having a few side adventures, it wasn't the awkward, destructive disaster it might have been in mid-November. In fact, they acted just as they always did before May 2012, in that they clashed – not quite as bad as before – put that aside to ultimately work together, learned a few things and traded a few secret googly eyes in between.

They were right back to formula as if nothing had ever happened. And the group dynamic was right back to formula as if nothing had ever happened. It was like Annie never left and Alison was never introduced, like so many of Abed's shows which only pretended to shake things up for a while. But in the end, everyone ultimately knew that these "changes" couldn't shake up the basic formula for long.

At least on the surface they didn't.

The Jeff/Annie formula at Greendale had returned to status quo again. Yet outside of Greendale, things were….evolving. Since Greendale adventures didn't always give them enough time to rebuild their friendship, they made more of an effort to hang out after school. Annie visited Jeff's apartment for dinner every once in a while – especially when Troy and Abed's games made it impossible to make dinner at home. But Jeff did keep them slightly in check when he made periodic visits to the Trobed apartment himself.

Annie saved up to get Jeff a particularly snappy suit for Christmas, while Jeff actually went out of his way for a Christmas gift _and _Hanukah present in return. They made sure not to stand near any mistletoes together and limited themselves to a hug on New Year's, yet the awkwardness wasn't that overwhelming.

In fact, by the time they started their final semester at Greendale, the awkwardness and unresolved issues weren't on their minds. Not because they were oblivious or running away – not _entirely _– but because they liked having fun together again too much. It made it too distracting to really think about how they were spending more time together, and how they could be mistaken for a couple. And how time was running out to settle if they were.

On the surface, everything was better and more normal than ever. Underneath, they knew on some conscious level that they were forming a bubble, which couldn't stay intact forever. However, because it really was a solid bubble where they openly meant a lot to each other again, they didn't want to disturb it.

Being happy with what they had – especially after they hadn't had it for most of 2012 – kept them from stressing out about it. And soon they thought less about it and less about the uglier parts of their past and their uncertain future as well.

However, it got a little harder to ignore as Valentine's Day approached.

And it was downright impossible for Jeff three days before February 14. Especially when Jeff didn't hide his surprise over seeing Alison in the halls fast enough.

Alison made sure not to attend English 102 with the study group, and went back to classes that weren't near them at all. Save for Jeff and Annie, the group did try to stay in touch with her after the breakup, yet soon got too caught up in their holiday adventures. Eventually she was forgotten, although Jeff's memories – particularly the last few ugly ones – were all too vivid after he caught Alison's eye in the hall.

"Jeff…." Alison announced with nothing better to say. "Fancy seeing you again _now_."

"Well, better now than on Thursday, right?" Jeff poorly tried to quip. This wasn't happening on Valentine's Day on Thursday, yet that was the only comfort here. One would think after their last meeting, anything would look much better.

Then again, Jeff was insistent back then that it was all Alison's fault. She was the one who saw things that weren't there about him and Annie, she insisted she was No. 2 to him, and she accused him of ruining the best period of her life by never really loving her. But three months later, it was easier to see that….at least 2 ½ of those three things might have had some merit.

And as Alison walked away awkwardly, Jeff heard a voice telling him to call her back. Normally that part sounded a lot like Annie, yet he heard more of himself than Annie this time. The voice was still a weird Jeff-Annie hybrid, and at the least, it would probably be weirder and more annoying if he didn't listen.

So he cut it off by calling out "Alison!" then actually wondered what he'd say and do next. When Alison turned and came back, only one thing came to mind – but he did wish he had a better idea.

Nevertheless, Jeff put his arms aside and leaned back, stating "Take your shot."

"What shot, exactly?" Alison checked.

"You said a lot of things to me when we broke up….but I guess you really want to _hurt _me," Jeff predicted. "I don't blame you, or at least I stopped trying to after New Year's. But now I get it. I got into a serious relationship with you, even though I had unresolved feelings for someone else. I made you feel like you were a consolation prize for me, and I was too oblivious to see it. I gave you the chance to be with a real group of friends, and my idiocy ruined it for you. So for that-"

Before he got through the last fourth of his improvised Winger speech, Alison took her shot and socked him right in the eye.

Jeff nearly went down both from the punch, and from hopping around afterwards and covering his face. "Ow! I wasn't done yet!" he cried. "The fact I _offered _to let you ruin my perfect face was supposed to be enough! And it was supposed to be a _slap _anyway!"

"Maybe you should shorten your Winger speeches , then," Alison jabbed as she rubbed her fist.

"Okay, _that's _a low blow," Jeff complained, before seeing he used the wrong choice of words. But although he covered his groin with his free hand, just in case, Alison didn't take that shot after all. After he groaned more from the punch and how his eye probably looked, Alison offered, "Come on, you big baby. Let's try and fix your moneymaker before it goes _completely _broke."

So Alison went back to being the bigger person – figuratively – by getting an ice pack for Jeff's eye and for her hand. She patted his eye and endured Jeff's flinching, yet he settled down a bit before long. Of course he was sure not to look at anything resembling a mirror. But he did focus on Alison with his good eye.

"You make a good…." he started before he had second thoughts about finishing. "What? A good ice pack? The recipe's not that hard, Jeff," Alison reminded.

"No, just something I like saying to….someone else," Jeff finished before he incriminated himself further. Still, he knew he'd already given away who he was thinking about.

"How is she?" Alison asked with genuine curiosity, without needing to get more specific. "She's not bad," Jeff let himself answer. "You didn't _quite _drive her to therapy. But I think she's finally herself again anyway."

"Well, if anything good came out of this. Other than you and her, of course," Alison conceded. However, Jeff bristled at her implications. "What? No, no, we're not….we're not like _that_! We're friends again, but we're not that."

Jeff figured that would reassure Alison, but it did the precise opposite. "Are you _kidding _me?" she groaned. "_Still_? I point out how you feel to you _and _her, and you're _still _dancing around each other? I thought you'd get it straight by New Year's, at least!"

"Hold on, you're _upset _that we're not….that?" Jeff theorized. "Do you need to be right that much?"

"You're still denying I was even right?" Alison seethed. "God, if Annie poured her heart out and you turned her down _again_…."

"I'm not! And she didn't!" Jeff yelled right before he knew what he said. Yet when he did, he saw no way out of it. "I'm not….denying….that feelings stuff. We just haven't gotten into it yet. She isn't doing it either, so don't just blame me!"

"You expect _her _to make the first move, even now? How lazy are you?" Alison complained, yet made herself take a few breaths before going on. "No, no. I stayed away from you, her and the others so I _wouldn't _fight like this. The punch was great, but I'd better go before it stops being worth it."

As Jeff realized this was likely his last chance to see Alison, he grabbed her wrist with his free hand. He then came up with a few words before she could use a slap this time. "I….I _am _sorry the punch wasn't worth it….that I wasn't worth it. You were right about _some_ things, okay? But I _didn't _go out with you because I couldn't be with her. I really wanted to be with just you then. You can believe it or not, but I _did_ love you."

Alison stayed still, so Jeff felt safe enough to let go of her wrist. He waited for her to yell or punch him again, but he only received a calm, "And there it is in a nutshell, isn't it?"

"I'm going to need more than that. Whether I _want _it is something else," Jeff predicted.

"We were together and knew each other for nine months. I dumped you, pointed out you loved another woman, and I just punched your precious face. But you _still _admitted freely that you _were _in love with me. Meanwhile, you've known Annie for four years, shared more with her than you ever did with me, and she influences you more than anyone you've ever met. Yet you _still _can't admit to her in any way that you're _currently_ in lovewith her. And have been long before you ever met me," Alison noted.

Jeff had no answer right away, so he just excused, "We're rebuilding our friendship….things are finally good. I'll just ruin it again if I do anything else."

"Is that how you kept away from her before you met me? Look how well _that _turned out. If you just want to do that again…." Alison sighed before going on. "Part of me irrationally hates Annie for coming between us. And even _she_ knows Annie deserves _so much _better than that. If you still can't make yourself give that to her, even now, then you really _are _pathetic."

"Well, what can I do?" It took Jeff a while to realize how he sounded when he asked that. He wasn't being angry, or frustrated or sarcastic – he really sounded emotional. Like he really didn't know what to do and wanted very badly to have _someone _tell him. Even his ex-girlfriend, as sad and pathetic and unfair to her as that really was.

But Alison did stick around to answer, "I'm not the kind of person who has all the answers, Jeff. I mean, I still use group therapy as a crutch. But I do that because after all these years, it keeps working for me. All the lessons and tactics, how it helps me open up more than I ever have….it still helps me all the time. So maybe that's something to think about."

Jeff did think about it after Alison left. He resumed thinking about it after he managed to cover up how he hurt his eye. And it kept running through his head until it cleared up on Valentine's Day.

As for Valentine's night, Annie finished getting ready at home with some trepidation. Although Jeff didn't actually ask her to Greendale's annual dance as his date, he offered to escort her there. Troy and Abed were already there, preparing for some epic crazy Troy and Abed stunt. So Annie was all alone, touching up her hair and light blue dress and waiting for Jeff to pick her up.

Besides that, she didn't know what she expected or wanted Jeff to do. She wasn't ignorant of the pratfalls they could face on Valentine's Day – or how she had no idea if she could or should try to have deeper feelings for him again. Well, not again, since her past feelings weren't as strong or meaningful as the feelings she had now. Whatever they were.

Rebuilding their friendship over the last three months had been her first real ray of sunshine in months. If she did love him now, she knew it was built on something much better than schoolgirl fantasies and crushes. But the minute Annie figured out if she loved Jeff, she'd have to wonder if he loved her – and then a few dozen other soul-crushing questions would torture her again. She _just _got used to not thinking about those things again –so she once more put off thinking about them.

She did it when Jeff came to pick her up, and even when Jeff was caught looking up and down her outfit. She kept it up when he escorted her into his Lexus – but it got a little harder when she noticed they weren't driving towards Greendale anymore. "Jeff, I think you missed a turn somewhere," Annie pointed out.

"I would have if I was going to Greendale. But I have to make a stop first," Jeff informed.

"Why didn't you go there _before _you picked me up?" Annie wondered. "Did you put something off until the last minute again?"

"Does not telling you Alison punched me in the eye on Monday count?" Jeff asked.

"Oh. Kind of," Annie let out, trying not to give away that she already figured that out – as if Jeff's cover story was really believable.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's a real stunner now," Jeff retorted, as if he couldn't tell that Annie already knew. "Anyway, since she might be at the party tonight, I'll need to get extra ready. Like going to group therapy ready."

"Your group's meeting tonight?" Annie was surprised to hear.

"Are a bunch of lonely single people meeting on Valentine's Day? I wouldn't bet my life savings against it." Jeff left that hanging for a while before he made himself elaborate. "Annie, I have to do this. Otherwise you guys will yell at me for ruining our last Greendale Valentine's party. And I'd rather not spend a whole Friday getting yelled at."

"Well, Fridays are already bad enough," Annie admitted, even though no other student shared that opinion.

"Right, so I figured I'd have a quick session, get fixed up and head right for the party. But it'll probably go faster if you're there with me," Jeff offered.

"You really want me to see you in therapy?" Annie wowed at, since that was a pretty big step for him. "Okay….I guess it's not like I can stop you while you're driving."

"Yeah, driving under Disney face influence _would _get me a huge ticket," Jeff somehow joked under the circumstances. But it kept Annie from using a Disney face, sad face or worried face as they made their way to Jeff's group therapy building.

Perhaps Annie should have used a suspicious face instead. Otherwise it wouldn't have confused her as much when they got inside, and they saw a circle of empty chairs instead of therapy patients. "Are we early or something?" Annie wondered.

"Technically, we're 75 minutes early," Jeff counted. "But I told them we should be done by then. Hopefully."

"Done what?" Annie asked with growing uncertainty. "Why are we in an empty group therapy room, Jeff?"

"Because this is your Valentine's present," Jeff said awkwardly. "Damnit, I shouldn't have led off with that. Hold on, I can explain better first."

"Yeah, that would be nice," Annie said with a growing frown and a growing knot in her stomach.

"Annie, you were right back in May. Only about a _few _things, mind you, but a few _big _things, regardless!" Jeff started. "I've been making a lot of progress with myself, but it means _nothing _if I can't fix things with you. How can I be better if I keep putting off resolving things….._really _resolving things….with the person who's made me change the most? Abed was right, or he would be if I actually talked to him about this. It's bad storytelling!"

Annie's frown disappeared, but her knot was soon spreading through her whole body. "Jeff…." she searched for a follow-up question, but one wasn't coming.

"Look, the only times I've ever been honest with myself, and other people, have been when I'm with you and when I'm in therapy. So I figured I should combine those two things. With you in therapy with me, maybe I'll have it in me to answer your questions. At least that's the plan," Jeff stated before frowning again. "Wait, I skipped an explanation again."

"Then don't skip it now," Annie insisted with more nerves in her voice than she wanted.

"All right, ask me anything," Jeff asked. "Ask me _everything._ Ask me everything you ever wanted to ask me the last four years! Maybe now I won't avoid them this time and I'll actually answer them, and _then _we'll finally know what we really are. Because even I can't put off finding out anymore, and I think you're tired of pretending you can too. So let me try to be honest with you for the first time ever….and _that's _my Valentine's gift to you."

Annie first focused on breathing again, then some oxygen got back into her brain too. She then started to get into the habit of asking questions – first with, "If you're better answering me in group therapy, shouldn't you be doing that with a _group _here?"

"I said I've changed, I didn't say I was a full blown hippie," Jeff declared. "I just got comfortable enough to try and do this with _you_, that's enough of a baby step. My theory is that just being in the room will be enough to help me."

"And what about me, Jeff?" Annie reminded. "I went through so much to _stop _thinking of you that way! Granted, maybe I didn't succeed entirely. But even if you're finally completely honest with me….I, I don't know if I'd just jump into your arms after that. Even if you got the right answers. Maybe it _shouldn't _matter at all if you get it right! Maybe….."

Annie willed herself not to break down. But she'd stopped herself so much over the last nine months that she was bound to slip up eventually. A tear or two did slip out, yet she was able to contain the rest. Finally she stated, "I'm so _tired _of this, Jeff…."

"You're confused. So am I. But I don't want to be anymore, and I don't want you to be either. So let me answer some things, while I still have the guts for it, and maybe we'll both get some clarity," Jeff offered.

"I don't know if _I _have the guts for it anymore," Annie admitted.

"Yeah, you do. You're a grown up now, and you were_ long_ before last year too. Nothing you did in one bad moment last May changes that. Even grown-ups are entitled to lash out and screw up once in a while. I mean, look at me," Jeff pointed out.

"I'm not 100% sure I can make myself answer _everything_. But I know you'll ask the right questions and help me if I trip up. Like you always help me," Jeff reminded her before sitting down in one of the empty chairs. "It'll be okay eventually, because good things usually happen when I trust you. And when it comes to this emotional stuff….there's no one I've ever trusted more."

In the old days, Annie would be spontaneously melting at Jeff finally saying stuff like this. But although she was melting, without a doubt…..it was manageable now. After all these months of steeling herself and refining her desires for Jeff, she really could handle this.

She could handle this much sweet talk from Jeff and keep a somewhat level head. And she could handle asking him every single question she'd never gotten to ask, or have answered, in the last four years as well. And now Jeff was in a mature enough position where he could answer them all as well. For maybe the first time ever, their timing was _finally _just right.

Annie turned to the chairs and finally saw that one of them had a notepad and a pen on it. Jeff really had prepared in advance for this. This made her smile and break the ice enough for her to focus. "If I get to ask you _everything_….then it'll take a few minutes to get ready," she warned Jeff as she took her tools and sat down across from him.

Now that she was in business mode, Annie could run through all her past, present and future Jeff questions in her head. She actually wrote them out in full at first – but they were so wordy and she had so many left, she had to just write short summaries to save time. But she kept Jeff in her sights while writing, to make sure he wouldn't get away. He did look a little uneasy when she wrote her fourth full page of questions, yet he only budged slightly.

Ultimately, Annie stopped at just about six full pages, which was barely more than enough. She put down her pen and reviewed the list to see which ones she should lead off with. After a few reviews, Annie had a solid order worked out, then looked up at Jeff to see if he was ready.

He looked as ready as he could possibly be – even if it wasn't that much. So Annie took a breath and prepared to group therapy him….in a room without a group.


	10. Chapter 10

"Okay. Let's do the big question first, then the other ones will look easier," Annie figured. "Jeff, please ignore that I'm your temporary therapist and answer this for me," she said to try and get a last minute joke in. When Jeff cracked a small smile, Annie took it as a just good enough sign and went on. "Do you have romantic feelings for me?"

Annie kept her eyes on her notepad, knowing it would take Jeff a long time to answer. Yet after just three seconds, she heard Jeff state, "Yes I do." What's more, his voice barely even shook.

Now Annie had no choice but to look at him – and to bite her lip to avoid looking too won over.

Her new self kept her steady, since she still had a lot of things she needed to know, and she had to be calm and collected enough to ask them. So Annie kept eye contact with Jeff this time and followed up with, "For how long?"

"That's trickier to explain," Jeff answered. _That _was trickier to explain, Annie almost asked? But Jeff continued with, "These….things have been going back and forth for a while."

"Okay, let's delve into that," Annie let out, figuring that sounding like a real therapist once in a while would calm them _both _down. "Continue. Don't worry, you're in a safe place."

"Ironic," Jeff teased, then got serious again. "When I first met you, I felt you'd be the easiest mark to get notes and answers from. When we faced off over Troy and football, I felt….something different. Knowing that we were more alike than I ever expected, at that early stage, got you on my radar. Then when I went to your Halloween party, I was more aware that you could make me do things I've never done for anyone. It made you stand out more than anyone I'd ever met, even that early on. That's how I first became fond of you, although there's no way I could accept it then."

"And then the other feelings started in debate," Annie reflected. "But we both just had sexual tension then. I guess that's not when the really romantic feelings started."

"No, but I still knew you were….special. In a way that even Britta wasn't back then. I didn't keep pursing Britta to run away from you, before you ask. But when we became better friends, and when I came to you about Pierce's stepdaughter….and when I tried to save you from Chang even after I screamed at you..." Jeff paused to think over. "I wasn't head over heels for you back then, and I don't think you were _that _crazy over me at the time either. But I knew you had an impact and an influence on me that no one else ever had. Even then."

"Even then…." Annie repeated, before getting ready for the next tough series of questions. "So that takes us to the transfer kiss. Did you ignore me on purpose that summer, or were you running away from the whole Britta/Slater/me mess in general? Was it just you avoiding something until the last minute like normal? Or just to hide from me?"

"A bit of both," Jeff admitted. Annie waited for him to elaborate, but then figured she'd have to ask another question first. "Were you afraid the whole time if you faced me that summer, I'd be the schoolgirl nightmare I turned out to be?"

"Half the time, yes," Jeff conceded. "The other half, I was more afraid you'd be like this. All determined and resourceful and ready to find out what we both really wanted. You're really powerful when you're like that, and it's barely enough for me to handle when I'm ready for it. Truthfully, I was relieved when you were a schoolgirl nightmare instead. And a little bit disappointed."

"Because you expected better from me? Or because part of you wanted to address things as an adult?" Annie inquired.

"Really, it was 99 percent the first thing. I wasn't ready to handle addressing things, and I guess you weren't either. We both acted like the worst parts of ourselves back then. And we really work when one of us can save the other from going overboard. Usually it's you, but when it's both of us going crazy…." Jeff trailed off.

"I get it. And I'm really sorry I was too nuts to keep you from going crazy," Annie stated. "But you're right. You weren't ready, and you would have just denied me even if I was stable. That would have been even worse for me and I probably would have acted out anyway. Then who knows…." Annie paused to regroup this time. "I'm just really glad we're _both_ getting better now."

"Me too. Even during this so far," Jeff tried to lighten up.

"Okay, back to treatment," Annie announced, ignoring how weak that therapy joke was. "So if you had any feelings for me then, you lost them on that first day. Or at least you ignored them better. When did they come back?"

"In lockdown with you and that pen," Jeff revealed right away. "So when we started stripping, then," Annie predicted with a tiny smirk.

"No, it was when you smiled at me after I made up the ghost story," Jeff noted. "Just to bring it back to the original question, this isn't when I had _romantic _feelings for you. I still hadn't gotten that far yet. But when you smiled and looked at me like you were proud of me….for the first time in months….it reminded me of how much I like making you proud of me. And how I never wanted anyone else to look at me like that before. Then the conspiracy stuff happened, and then we sang a verse with "I love you" in it in Abed's head. I think that was the closest I came back then to actually falling for you."

"And then Rich happened," Annie jumped ahead. "Is that why you acted out so much? Because you really were jealous? Did you think you were getting ready to be with me until then? If you were that close, then why didn't you answer my question in the bathroom?"

"I was jealous, but I was mad too. Mad that you could actually _like _that...well, come on, you've got to know how psycho he is by now!" Jeff insisted. Annie just shook her head, so Jeff went on with, "See, you _still _can't see it! The fact you had that much poor judgment about him, well, it….it reminded me that you have even worse judgment about me. So I figured by keeping him out and making you pissed at me, it'd wise you up twice over. And along the way, any progress I made about what I felt went out the window."

"Abed told me you ran out in the rain to Rich, when you found out he turned me down," Annie recalled. "Did you think even once about going after me instead of him?"

"No. But once or twice I thought I wanted Rich to make me better for _you_. Not just to exploit his power," Jeff assured. "I wasn't in a good place to think about that more, though. So by the time we had real moments together in the student elections…..the old feelings did resurface, but I could control them and excuse them more. At that point I was just relieved we were friends again."

Jeff and Annie both paused, since they knew where they were coming towards next. And what Jeff started earlier that year that Annie forgot to address. "Did you start sleeping with Britta all year to forget about things with me?" Annie started carefully.

"I didn't sleep with her every time _we_ had a fight or adventure, if that's what you mean. That only happened once or twice. Most of the time I just needed to get off, and I was too lazy to find someone I didn't know," Jeff said bluntly. "Plus finding women I didn't know wasn't….as enticing anymore by then."

Annie chose to believe she had something to do with that. But just to make sure Britta didn't have more to do with it, she double checked, "So you were never in love with Britta?"

"Nope. We're not Greendale parents, we're just Greendale siblings who've barely looked after you guys after _our_ deadbeat parents left. And as perverted as I am, sisters are kind of off limits," Jeff reassured. This helped Annie laugh, until she couldn't put off mentioning the other big thing from this part of the timeline.

"Why did you _really _deny the Annie of it All?" Annie asked right away to rip the band-aid off. "I mean, why did you deny it the second I brought it up? Was it because you didn't want the group to yell at you? Or was it to hide your feelings, to just not talk about it in public, to deny everything….or was it just because you were mad at me for how I brought it up?"

"All of it," Jeff replied. "Maybe being mad at your tactics came first, by a split second. But all those other ones blended together. You saw how that threw me off more than usual."

"Yeah…." Annie admitted. "I should have apologized for the way I brought it up, though. And for not reading into the right things. You did know there were far more _real _moments between us I should have brought up, right?"

"Did I ever," Jeff groaned. "I was just relieved you didn't bring all that up. So when I had a window of opportunity after all, I ran with it. A bit too much, as it turned out," he looked back before gazing right at Annie. "I never said I was sorry, did I? Because I have been for about two years."

"I never said sorry, either," Annie pointed out. "I would have then, but I was too mad at you at the time. Then the Pierce and paintball stuff happened, and by then it was just easier to forget about it. Like we always do."

"I didn't forget about it," Jeff confessed. "I think I thought about you more in that summer than the last one. And it wasn't because we actually saw each other that summer. There were one or two or seven moments where I wanted to go over and say I was sorry to you. In private, of course. Still, it didn't matter because I couldn't make myself do it. Of course."

"Why did you want to apologize?" Annie pressed. "Was it for how you denied everything? For sleeping with Britta? For not feeling that way about me? Or for feeling that way about me?"

"All right, then….now I can finally answer the original question," Jeff laid out. Annie then filled in the rest. "You had real romantic feelings for me that summer? Why then?"

"Because hurting you like I did all year did too much to me," Jeff started. "And I don't feel guilty about hurting people – not _that _long, anyway. So you can imagine how feeling like that for a whole year was weird to me. When the Annie of it All stuff kept eating away at me all summer, it just boiled over. And when I felt even worse because I couldn't apologize, even I couldn't ignore why. That's when I started having the dream,"

"What dream?" Annie let out, not even bothering to make a therapy joke about interpreting dreams.

"It started as a happy musical fantasy for a world without Pierce. But somehow, without planning it out, the song had the lyric 'And we're going to sleep together!'" Jeff sang poorly on purpose. "And….you and me were singing it. That's when I realized for all my denials, and how wrong I thought my feelings were…..the fact was I wanted to sleep with you. Age and the group be damned, I wanted it."

"But that's just wanting to sleep with me. Not about any deeper feelings," Annie interpreted.

"It is when it took me two years to _accept_ it. Usually it takes me a _day_, or a night, to realize I want to sleep with someone," Jeff semi-bragged. "But that's with women I only want to hook up with and be done with! When I realized I wanted to sleep with you, though….thinking of doing that and then dumping you made me sick. Not sick enough to make me really sick, because that's impossible with this body, but you get the point!"

"Not completely, but continue," Annie insisted quietly.

"I didn't admit to myself that I wanted to sleep with you….because I didn't want to think of you like all the other women I slept with. I didn't want you to be someone I used up for a night, or used up when I was bored. I'd hurt you way too much and cared about you too much by then to _ever _do that to you! If I accepted that I wanted to have sex with you _anyway_, then I'd have to accept that that couldn't be it! That I couldn't sleep with you without having a real relationship afterwards! And that part of me didn't mind that," Jeff stated quietly.

"I knew by then I was attracted to you and you were one of my best friends. But _that's_ the first time I let myself realize I had….deeper romantic feelings for you somewhere."

"You got all that from a song about a dead Pierce?" was all Annie could squeak out.

"He wasn't dead – not in every version, anyway," Jeff corrected. "But yeah. I even had that daydream the first day of school. Maybe deep down, I wanted to start trying to have it all with you then. Apologize, sleep with you, have the relationship – I mean, eventually, not all at once. But if there was a chance for all of it at once, I might not have turned it down."

"So you were falling more for me while I was losing my crush on you. Or at least I thought I was," Annie summed up.

"Then naturally, Pierce came back, I got driven to therapy, and you acted like a not-hot school girl in Model UN. After that, we were back to saying we were creepy. That's when I realized any….window of opportunity I had at that time was gone. They don't open very wide for me as it is, you know. And then we couldn't even be partners for biology, I wouldn't even help you move, werewolf you tore me to shreds on Halloween, and you stopped being sexy in your Glee routine," Jeff counted off as Annie squirmed in embarrassment.

"So by Christmas, it was easier to forget I had those deeper feelings again. And then when Seacrest Hulk appeared, I finally took fixing _myself_ more seriously. And I ignored all the other things I needed to fix," Jeff wrapped up.

"And then Alison came along. And because you lost that window with me, it was easier for you to fall for her," Annie realized. "So you really weren't thinking about me when you got together with her."

"No," Jeff sighed. "I was too impressed that I had a real connection with someone new. She really did make me feel like I wasn't going through this alone. So much so that I forgot you already made me feel that way. But I was so busy getting better and having someone like her helping me, I….forgot easier than I should have."

"Forgot?" Annie asked skeptically.

"Annie, you do get I'm a self-absorbed jackass by _now_, right?" Jeff reminded her. "I just got caught up in myself for different reasons this time! I was sick and tired of not feeling any better, and I didn't realize you and the group was close to being enough! So when something and someone new worked for me, I got too excited to think about anyone but me….and Alison! It's what I do no matter what!" He paused and reflected, "Still doesn't mean I can't admit my mistakes when it's almost too late. Like always."

"Okay then," Annie decided to drop it and go to another angle. "When did you start thinking about how I might react to her? If you did think about it at all?"

"I didn't think about how _anyone_ might react. It wasn't their business, I didn't want anyone knowing I was in group therapy, and Alison started as just a friend. When we became more, I didn't deliberately hide it because of you. I was keeping it a secret from _everyone _until I knew what I had with her," Jeff laid out.

"But you had to know it'd have an extra impact on me," Annie reminded.

"Of course, I just didn't think about it too much. It wasn't to be a jerk or to shut you out! I was too caught up in being with her and getting better! Granted, I was oblivious, but this isn't news to you. I'd ask 'Have you met me?' but I don't want to pay Chang residuals," Jeff recalled.

"All right, that's enough for me to believe you," Annie slightly giggled. "What about after I yelled at you?"

"That was probably straight up denial again," Jeff admitted. "Maybe I _was _influenced more by what you thought of us than anything else. I just thought I didn't want to be dragged into a cat fight or something! How was I supposed to notice I wasn't worried about anyone else hating us? You know how slow I am on that stuff! But then you two got along, and I got well adjusted again!"

"Until I took my leave of absence," Annie finished. "And we both know Alison had her own theories about….that time."

"She was wrong, but she was right too," Jeff admitted. "I was thinking about you a lot, she was right there. She _was _wrongto think I was falling for you then. I _never _had a romantic thought about you….that I was _aware _of….while me and Alison were together! When I let myself be a one woman man, I _stay _a one woman man until I'm a zero woman man! Not that I was a zero woman man much back then! Is what I really didn't need to brag about for once," he tried to cover up.

"I get the picture, Jeff. At least on that last part," Annie assured. "But with all those thoughts about me for three years….you _really _didn't think you still liked me? I know we didn't start off too great that fall, but it couldn't have turned you off me for good!"

"It didn't! I just forgot for a while! I got too caught up in my progress to think about it!" Jeff pressed. "All I was focused on when fall started was missing you, being Alison's boyfriend, leading the group and protecting my hair! Okay, maybe I should have seen it when I didn't fix it right away after the Mad Men thing! But _no one _was thinking right on that day, you know that!"

Annie did get enough of an idea, so she let that one slide as Jeff went on. "Then you came back, and I just figured I was happy to see you. Sure, I could have thought how I wouldn't be that happy if someone else came back….even Alison. But you were there and Alison was there and we were that much closer to leaving Greendale. Why would I want to pop that bubble?"

"Because you didn't see what you were doing. Because you didn't notice how much more attention you paid to me. Then you didn't see how it would look to Alison until she dumped you," Annie recounted. "But that's okay, I didn't see it either. And I worked so hard to kill the part of me that _would _have noticed."

"You worked hard to do that, and I just drowned my part out with other good stuff. But no matter what we did, we just kept getting drawn to each other. Even when we didn't want to or stopped asking why it was happening," Jeff listed.

"And look where it ended up," Annie noticed, not even bothering to guess if it was a good or bad place. But then again, Jeff just admitted how strongly he felt for her, at long last – even during those times when she thought he didn't care.

And yet she _still _didn't know where they could or should go from there. So she searched through whatever questions she hadn't asked yet, hoping one of them would give them _some _closure.

"Ask me how I feel now," Jeff proposed.

Annie figured she needed a few more questions to get to that one. But if he was asking to speed ahead."Okay, how do you feel now, Jeff? Go on, you're among…..friends," she hesitated at the end of her latest therapy impression.

"Am I? You and I both know we're not just friends. Friends don't think all those things and do everything we've done, together _or _apart. I could ignore that a lot better before. But then you left, you were hurt so much by how you felt about me, I missed you, and I hurt _another _innocent person I cared about. Then when we became friends again, I wasted _more _time ignoring everything, because I was too relieved we were talking again! But we don't have much more time to waste, Annie!" Jeff pressed on.

"We're leaving here in a few months, and we both wasted a whole _year _on this mess. Not to mention the _three_ years we wasted before that. I could have realized then how I felt, told you I wanted more and then you, me and Alison wouldn't have been hurt at all!" Jeff predicted.

"I'm tired of hurting myself, and the few people I have in my heart, while I put this off. And I'm tired of trying to figure this stuff out alone. When the only person I really trust to help me is right there," he exclaimed while pointing to Annie.

"Annie, I know I want to be with you. That much has finally gotten through my thick, luxurious head. I should probably know that I'm in love with you….I just can't say for sure yet. Knowing me, I could just be in love for the sake of being in love, or to get over Alison, or to finally cross you off my bucket list or something," he conceded.

"I don't trust myself enough to know I want to be with you for the right reasons. But I can't figure it out by myself anymore. And I don't want to get so caught up in myself that I forget about you again. I did that long before I ever met Alison, but that _has _to be the last of it. Like I said, I only really figure out things, and myself, when I'm with you. So why don't we finally start figuring this out _together_?"

Oh God, now Jeff was asking _Annie _the questions. Or rather, the biggest singular question of all.

And while Jeff actually answered all those tough questions he ran away from before, Annie was just frozen. From the question itself, from what Jeff told her, from the realization that their entire relationship – or whatever they had – was entirely in _her _hands now.

From the impact of how everything she did since May 2012, and everything she made herself become – and made herself suppress – was meant to get her to this moment. This decision. The decision that she wouldn't hesitate to scream "Yes!" to years ago.

But it would have been for the wrong reasons, and she wouldn't have been equipped to handle the consequences. Now she was…..and still she couldn't say anything. But she did feel the tears falling down her cheeks.

She wasn't sobbing like a hysterical school girl, or even making any noise. Yet she was breaking down over the strain of tonight, the last few months, the last year and really the last four years in general. One last crying spree for old time's sake, to mark how for all she knew in her big brain, she knew nothing at all.

Not even her and Jeff, after all this time.

Because she finally heard everything she ever wanted to hear from him and more – and she _still_ didn't know how to feel.

The fact that she couldn't just run up, embrace him, and be with him without a second thought even now….it had to say something. Either that she outgrew him, or she didn't want to be with him after all, or that they were to damaged to take a shot now, or something that reflected badly on her. Or that she was too strong to waste her time on Jeff anymore. In spite of how Jeff was worth wasting time on so much more than he used to be.

So of course he rubbed that in by going over and hugging her as she tried to stop crying. He didn't hesitate or ask what was going on, or even act offended that his offer was met with tears. He just came over to try and help her without a second thought. As he did for few other people except Annie. As Annie did for so many people, including Jeff.

Even when Jeff made her upset for some reason or another, she dropped everything to help him when he needed it anyway. They were alike that way. They made exceptions for each other even when things between them weren't so great. They put aside their own embarrassment to come to each other, because they knew the other would understand what they were going through.

Like not knowing how they felt about the other, for instance…..

And then in a flash, it all clicked for Annie. It all clicked in a way that nothing else had in the last nine months.

"Jeff….I'm no different than you," she muffled against his chest, before pulling back to speak clearer.

"I'm no different from you, Jeff!" she repeated. "We can be so sweet, smart and loyal to people we love! But we can be so crazy and vengeful and angry and greedy too! We're the same, so that's why we understand each other like no one else! And that's why we've been going through the exact same stuff here!" she set up.

"We both cared about each other deeply, we both expressed it the wrong way, and we both needed massive rebuilding projects to make ourselves better! I did it by leaving you to stop my crazy side, you did it by finding Alison and being a better person in therapy! Now we're _both _capable of really fixing ourselves when we have to! But we're much better at it when we're helping each other, and we haven't been doing that!" Annie realized.

"It's not like we've been capable of that lately," Jeff nitpicked.

"But we are _now_, so there's no more excuses! We fixed ourselves, but we're still confused because we couldn't get _each other_ through this, like with everything else! That's why we couldn't sort the rest of it out! You're absolutely right about that!" Annie calmed herself, before admitting something out loud that she hadn't tried to admit to herself in nine months.

"Jeff, I feel the same way about you that you do about me. No matter how much I tried to hide from it or ignore it, I didn't really try to kill how I felt about you….how I _always _felt about you. Just like you couldn't kill how you felt about me. I just killed the bad way I expressed those feelings, and you killed the part of you that hid yours! But we still had them anyway," Annie highlighted.

"We went through so much crap, and hurt each other and Alison too, because we weren't able to do it together. Now we _both _know we care about each other so much, even now. We're just not whole enough to know if it's as real as we want it to be. But like you said, we can't try to find out alone anymore. We _are_ more capable of being fine by ourselves, and that's great! But it's not as great as being great together." Annie admitted.

"I don't _want_ to do this myself anymore, Jeff. I want to be with you and find out if I can love you the right way, like you want to find out. I want to be the one that helps you do the right thing and stops you from going too far, and I want you to do the same for me again. We haven't done that in so long, but it's what makes us so special together. And I missed that more than anything! If being together means we can get that back, then if you're ready….I'm ready to try and be too."

Jeff had no vocal answer. And Annie had already talked so much that she needed to rest her voice too. Yet their eyes told each other the whole story – just as they always did before. Just as they did whenever their mouths and stupid brains said something else entirely. No matter what they hid from each other and themselves, they could never make their eyes hide the truth.

And the truth was that Jeff was ready – and Annie was ready to try and be too. Once their eyes told each other that truth, this time the rest of them finally believed it too. Despite having so many words for each other during this therapy session, they had no words for that – nor did they want to find them.

Instead, they wanted to use action. And there was one action they had gone too long without doing. At least with each other.

Their first kiss was just to break the ice. The second one got them reacquainted with their lip movements and kissing tactics again. The third one had them savoring the new lessons they had learned since last time. And then the fourth, fifth, sixth and the next dozen or so kisses after that went by in a blur.

After the next half dozen, however, they both stopped at the same time. And once Annie realized why, she smiled wider than she might have had in almost a year.

The old Annie would have gotten carried away with this heated make out session, wanted more and acted like a child in assuming what it meant. But the new Annie was satisfied with doing just that much. She was more in control, less focused on the romantic fantasy, and more focused on beginning this new stage with Jeff in a healthy, mature way.

She wanted to keep kissing him a lot along the way, of course. Yet doing it just now for the first time in years was enough on its own. The rest would come later, and Annie was willing to be patient and more in control of her expectations in the meantime. The butterflies were alive and well in her stomach, yet she could manage them better than she ever could have then.

She needed to get distance from Jeff, find herself, grow up more, and then realize just now that she didn't have to sort through her feelings alone, to get to this point. And the payoff made it worth it.

And Annie could sense how big this was for Jeff as well.

The old Jeff would have pushed her away and denied he really wanted this by now. Even if old Jeff did want to go further, he wouldn't have stopped himself the way that the new Jeff did. New Jeff was showing her that he _did _want this, and that he was so relieved he finally got to kiss her again – and that it was enough for him.

He clearly wanted a healthier start to their new stage as well. As much as he wanted her sexually, he knew there were other things they still had to work on – and now he was willing to put in the work. And he was willing to trust her to set him straight even if he wasn't ready. Yet he already took a big step on his own, and it didn't look like he regretted it one bit.

He really wasn't going anywhere. And Annie didn't want him to.

They could just stay here, away from the world and their friends and Greendale.

Wait, weren't those last two things expecting them for something?

"Crap, crap, crap, the dance!"Annie finally remembered. "We still have to go to the dance! But what are we supposed to do there after…..all _this_? Oh God, we can't act like a couple if Alison's really there! Or did you make that up for your plan to get me here?"

"I don't know if she'll be there. Probably not safe to take chances anyway. Too many things have gone right tonight, so there's no sense provoking bad luck. Let's just go there and act normal….and we'll do the couple stuff when we go out for post-Valentine's Day dinner tomorrow night. If, um, you're free for that," Jeff stumbled at the last minute. "I know you have a strict studying schedule on Friday nights."

"Right, but I can just cram everything in on Sunday. More than I usually do, I mean," Annie assured. "So _this _is a date before our first real date, then."

"I guess that can describe all our past adventures now," Jeff admitted. "What's one more unofficial date for old time's sake?" Annie had no way to answer that except for a smile – her old Jeff smile, only with new promise and hope blending into it for the first time.

There were still so many words of thanks, relief, apology and even love that they could have said to cap this off. There was still so much they wanted to say and finally felt brave enough to. But knowing that they could say it later, take it the right way, and handle it the right way with each other's help was enough.

Really, the only fitting thing Jeff wanted to say, and did, was, "Milady?" as he offered Annie the chance to link arms with him. Like they did at the end of their very first solo adventure – the one where Jeff first realized there was something more to this girl. And now this woman had proven him right too much to keep stalling any longer.

So she linked her arm with his and said the only fitting thing she could. "Milord," Annie sincerely teased, as if the last messy year that led up to this never happened. It did and there was still some nonsense to clear up from it – but that could come later.

They were _both_ well adjusted enough to put it aside, have fun tonight – and tomorrow, apparently – and trust in one another not to run from the messier stuff later. Was that love? Deep down they had an idea, yet there was still work ahead to get that far.

But they were finally Jeff and Annie again. _All_ of Jeff and Annie, together. No more issues they couldn't defeat, no more uncertain emotions, no more emotions expressed the wrong way. No more guilt over their feelings, no more fears about what they felt and how they felt it, no more problems they wanted to hide from each other – at least no more big problems. And no more running away when all they really wanted was to find aid, a kind word and comfort in each other.

There was none of that now, or at least there wouldn't be if they had their way –and they usually did. It was just….._them_.

With that, they probably wouldn't even break a light sweat.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for enduring this most difficult ride and for your feedback – even the confused, frustrated feedback. This wasn't easy for me to write, finish or to even justify sometimes, just as the first several chapters weren't that easy for you to read. Yet you survived the intense angst, the new girlfriend and the characterization of Annie, to get a more relieving ending that was hopefully EARNNNEEED! [Abed Halloween voice] But now it'll be back to smaller work that isn't almost 50,000 words long, and doesn't emotionally torture my few readers.**

When Jeff and Annie became closer friends again the previous fall, it didn't alter the group dynamic. They just got back to their normal pattern of banter, side adventures and the occasional googly eyes. As it turned out, the same status quo stayed intact after they got together on Valentine's night as well. They were just more aware of the googly eyes this time, and made sure they didn't do _too _many more of them.

The two kept their hands off each other at the dance, then managed to do the same for_ most _of their first official date the next night. Although they could have easily spent the night and the weekend getting….grabby….they worked out some relationship ground rules first. Chief among them was that they wouldn't tell the group about them now, since they had enough to worry about and finally get right without their prying.

At nearly this time last year, Jeff was keeping his new relationship with Alison secret for the exact same reason. Annie nearly bristled at being put in the exact same place, yet she had to admit it was better to keep this between them. At least while they were settling into this new, all-important step of their relationship.

This new step looked the same as the old one on the surface. They still hung out more after school, did the same things and continued to just enjoy each other's company. But this time, they just added kissing to the mix and officially called some of their outings "dates." And this time they weren't in a bubble about everything else.

Now that they had defined their relationship as an actual relationship, it put more of a burden on them. Now they had to talk through their remaining doubts and fears, and be more open about everything else. Jeff had been making huge breakthroughs on that for a year, but it only better balanced out how he could still be pretty insensitive.

And after Annie tried to contain her wilder emotions – positive and negative – for so long, it took a while to let herself be fully open to Jeff as well. Plus after years of Jeff letting her down, Annie couldn't _quite _let go of the notion that the other shoe would drop eventually.

So with all that under the surface, there were a few fights along the way. Sometimes Jeff didn't want to take things so slow or open up as much on a given night, or sometimes Annie got worried about his commitment to her. She also laid into him a few times for his lack of school work and studying, since these were their last several weeks at Greendale and she wanted to end things right. Of course, not wanting to leave at all and worrying about the post-Greendale future had a role in that.

Since Jeff still claimed – at least in public – that he was happy to leave Greendale soon, he wasn't the most ideal person to help Annie. As such, there was at least one fight that lasted for a day or two and made them a little grouchy in the study room. Fortunately, they were such temperamental people that the group barely noticed, at least when it didn't affect them. Before it could, their fights were usually resolved through the latest Greendale adventure, or their own stubbornness melting away.

They really were capable of fixing themselves and realizing their own mistakes, in a way they couldn't last year. Yet the process did work faster and have less collateral damage when they worked through it together. And as annoying as that could be, Jeff and Annie willed themselves through it – to make the other happy again, and to avoid the big mistakes that derailed them for so long.

Jeff even let Annie come to some of his full group therapy sessions – to check out "the competition" in the healing Jeff race, he said. But as much as being in that group, and the Greendale group, made Jeff feel better – he knew Annie had left them in the dust in that area long ago. Now that she was his girlfriend, she was just lapping the field a few more times.

Still, as the month of May began, even they couldn't completely find comfort in each other. The last days at Greendale were coming, and Jeff's glee over it was getting more and more forced – even to people other than Annie. As for Annie, she was now glad she tried to make the group fail classes to stay together three years ago. Otherwise, she'd wonder if doing it again could actually work.

However, Annie's misery over leaving was tempered by one big development. It had nothing to do with Jeff or her future prospects or her friends – it was just a small matter of being named valedictorian. And since her overwhelming debate victory was still the stuff of legends, Dean Pelton was insistent that she give a big closing speech. He even took time out of begging Jeff to give a speech/stay in Greendale forever to try and sell her. Granted, she didn't need selling, but it was flattering.

So in between final exams, trying to write a speech and savoring her final days in Greendale, Annie's priorities were pretty full. She had no time to worry about where things would go from here with Jeff, whether they could be an open couple yet, and if Jeff being a lawyer again someday would lure him back into douchebag temptation. After she got through her current heartbreaking problems, she could deal with that future stuff and it'd look much easier by comparison.

Yet through all that, she forgot to consider that Greendale would have one more "finale" crisis for the big day. And it was so deranged and gigantic that it'd take a three-part trilogy to fit it all on TV.

It had everything from all their old enemies, nods to every genre in existence, situations from some of Abed's most obscure favorite movies, surprise revelations – though not about Jeff and Annie – and callbacks to all their past adventures. And of course, a giant tanker of paint exploded and rained paint down on everyone, for some unexplainable reason.

In between all that, the total times Jeff saved Annie from danger, and vice versa, ended even at three apiece. As the dust and paint floods settled, Jeff unofficially broke the tie by wiping as much paint as he could off Annie's face and hair. It was a lost cause to try and get the rest of it off her – at least outside the apartment.

Annie took note at how Jeff's face and hair was drenched with paint, yet he hadn't done anything to get that off. She was by his side all day, so she knew she didn't even complain about it – he was just focused on her being semi-presentable. Once she confirmed her lips didn't have paint on them anymore, she bit her bottom lip to contain her growing smile at being that important to him.

"You make a good nurse," Annie teased as a cover for why she was smiling. "Well, Greendale needs its valedictorian to be _kind of_ nice to look at," Jeff replied. "Call it my very last favor to this place."

"Well, combined with your last Winger speech, your last 'reluctant' leadership role and your last hug from the Dean, you've done your share of last favors already," Annie listed. Jeff just stayed quiet as he did his last check up of Annie's mostly clean face.

"Why doesn't that make me happier?" Jeff asked with a heavy sigh. "This is the very last time I'll ever do this nonsense again. And this last bit nearly took you out before your big speech, so I should be _extra _happy I'm not coming back here!" Yet Jeff still paused and asked, "So how come I didn't sneak away from you so I could celebrate?"

Annie studied Jeff and his words, then smiled a knowing smirk. "You know why, Jeff. You just asked me because I'm….an emotional person. You figured by asking me, I'd tell you you'll miss this place and you love it more than almost anything, so you wouldn't have to. But you know you know that already. So what's the point of me saying something true you already know?"

"You….you really…." Jeff groaned or at least tried to. But he didn't finish saying she really sucked – not this time. "Four years here have done….things to you, Annie," Jeff deflected.

"Aw, you know you l – consider me your girlfriend anyway." Annie stopped herself from saying "love" so quickly that she figured Jeff wouldn't notice. "I do. I really really do," Jeff said in a way that made Annie think he _might _have noticed. And might have just said it back in his own way.

Annie chose to believe he didn't say it outright because this wasn't the right time. Or maybe he had it planned for later today when they told the group about them. Or maybe he was waiting for _her _to say it first…..

And she wanted to. At that moment, it didn't matter if she said it first or last – she wanted to say it. She was _ready _to say it.

Annie's past definitions of love were of overly romanticized girly stuff, or clingy, dangerous feelings that made her ashamed after she acted them out. Now that she had Jeff anyway, she didn't want to say to herself or him that she was in love, unless she felt it the right way.

But she wasn't romanticizing this moment or Jeff. Nor was she feeling possessive or clingy of Jeff. What she felt….was perfect. She knew how imperfect it really was, and she didn't care.

She felt more fluttery than she let herself feel in a long time – yet she knew it wasn't from a naïve or childish place. She knew she could just be reading into things –yet she knew there was a real, genuine chance she wasn't, and that Jeff wouldn't crush her even if she was. She felt like Jeff was really _hers_ – yet now she both knew it and knew it was for the right reasons. Not because she had a crush or feelings she couldn't control, or was using him just to feel loved. It was because she _was _loved.

And she wanted nothing more than to make Jeff feel that way too. And she could do it because she truly, without a doubt, loved him in the best way possible now.

This spawned a train of thought that was kind of off topic, but it soon tied in perfectly. "Excuse me, Jeff. I still have one more Edison speech to touch up." She headed off, hoping the copy of her original speech had been saved from Professor Garity's drama nerd army by now.

Fortunately, she had memorized the speech enough by now to recall most of it by memory. She recalled the rest of it early in the graduation ceremony, then worked on crafting her new ending during the rest of it. Of course she stopped racking her brain when she came up to accept her diploma and when her friends did, but that was common courtesy.

Nevertheless, by the time it was her turn to close things out, Annie was ready to go. Still, compared to her new ending, the rest of her words seemed generic by comparison. But her textbook research on valedictorian speeches helped her hit the important notes. Like praising the value of education, talking about her humble beginnings, and being the generation that will change the world.

And when the words got too dry and boring for her audience, she used a few Winger-speech techniques to make them stay awake. As such, Annie still had their attention by the time she got to the end.

Then she took a breath and got ready for the final act of her Greendale tenure.

"We've all had our fun mocking Greendale the last four years. And there is a lot to make fun of. The fact that we're drenched in paint on graduation day speaks for itself. And I'm sure it makes it easier to believe that Greendale is stupid, crazy, shallow, bad for you and doesn't deserve to be loved. But I love Greendale anyway. Even if it took me a long time to get it right."

"Anyone who knows me knows that I love school. I love it quite unreasonably at times. I love it even when it might be less than I deserve. I love it even when the cost of loving it hurts me, and I obsess over it in a way that makes me look….unbalanced is the nice word for it. Besides, no matter how great its shiny exterior of A's and perfect scores and material success is….it can't always love you back the way you love it. You can blame it all you want, but eventually you have to know there's something wrong with you too. At least if you expect more than it might be capable of giving sometimes."

"But as hard as it is to love Greendale, I found out something these last four years. I found out I _am_ capable of loving the hard way. I could never accept Greendale's many, many, _many _flaws four years ago, and I wanted to leave as quickly as possible! I never thought it had anything to really offer me back then, and if I did, it turned out to be all the wrong things. But when I gave it a chance, stuck by it and got to know what Greendale was really all about….it saved my life."

"I know not all of you can see how Greendale can save someone, or make people so much better than they ever imagined. But it can. It made me grow up, even if it was the hardest thing I ever did. It tested my integrity and character, but it made me realize how strong they really are….or can be if I really want them to be. It made me rethink everything I ever knew about myself, the world around me and how to really value life. And what I learned would have shocked and appalled me four years ago! But now, I want to spend as long as I can living the way Greendale taught me. And that's what Greendale _really _is."

"It isn't the crazy, rotten things everyone believes it is….even me at first. And it isn't the romanticized kind of school I worshipped all my life. It's something so much better, even if Greendale makes it hard to see sometimes. But it couldn't hide it from me forever."

"It gives out so much love that no one else thinks it's capable of giving. It drives you crazy, but it gives you a real sense of family and unconditional support you've never had anywhere else. It lets you be the very best and very worst of yourself on any given day, but it gives you everything you need to let the very best finally win. And I'm so proud of myself that it won in me, in a way it never would have without Greendale."

"_That's _how I'll always look at Greendale for the rest of my life, and why I'll never listen to anyone telling me different. Not because I don't know better, or I'm not grown up yet, or I'm ignoring reality. But it's because I _did_ see it. As horrible as it was sometimes, I saw it completely for what it was, and I _still_ found it in me to love it more and more every day. I might be ashamed of how it made me act sometimes, and be more careful with expressing it now. But it doesn't change how I feel and how _grateful _ I am for it."

"Greendale helped me become a full human being, and not just when it made us wear Human Being masks. For that, I don't care what anyone else says about it. No matter what others believe about Greendale, or what it itself might believe, _I_ love it. I love it completely and openly with all my heart….and no matter how the rest of my life goes, I will _never _forget how it made me a better person for knowing it. Everything and everyone I love, and everything and everyone I will love someday….I owe it all to Greendale."

"And deep down I hope you all know you do too. And if we take that knowledge and love with us after today, we will never be unloved, or childish, or the worst parts of ourselves ever again. Not without Greendale and everything it _really _stands for to save us, just as we will always do the same for it. And _that_, not paintball or pop culture or low attendance numbers, is what these last four years and the rest of our lives should mean to all of us. At least it will to me."

"That's why I'm leaving here happier than I've ever been, even if it's my last day as a student! But it's not my last day as a loved, happy, whole, adult human being by a long shot. That's because of Greendale, and that's why I'm _so _proud to be here now, and to share that with all of you. So let's go out and share that with the _world_ now, and know that no matter what we become….we are first and foremost the Greendale Class of 2013. E pluribus anus and all!"

Annie figured saying that disgusting motto at the end counted as character growth. It did test her when the students chanted "E pluribus anus" afterwards, however. But they did stop when Annie threw her hat up and the others did the same as well – and their cheers did drown out Dean Pelton's blubbering for a precious few seconds.

Yet Annie kept from blubbering, as she was too busy hoping it came across the way she wanted. She made it so it could work as a declaration of love to Jeff _and _a love letter to Greendale at the same time. She wasn't so blatant that people other than Jeff, her closest friends….and Alison….would see it as a coded love confession to Jeff.

This way, he wouldn't be singled out or embarrassed any more than he would naturally be. But she did know how to declare her love in public without humiliating the both of them now. That much she hoped he understood, at least.

She kept her focus on the audience and didn't glance at Jeff enough to give herself away. She really did feel all of these feelings about Greendale as well – and was obsessed with school and often loved it too much too – so it was the perfect way to kill two birds. So if Jeff hated it and thought she was childish for giving him such a public coded love message, at least Annie could make an intellectual defense.

First, after the crowd parted and she had enough room, she went off stage to face the rest of the group. At the least, they all seemed to love it – and Annie caught Britta wiping her eye when she thought she wasn't looking. If that was _her _reaction….

Once Shirley finished hugging Annie, Jeff finally entered her view. Annie studied him for any signs of discomfort, annoyance or even awe, but he just stayed blank.

Before Annie suspected the worst from that, Jeff breathlessly closed the gap and kissed her. Once it sunk in about three seconds later, Annie managed to join in. It took another 10 seconds to remember that they had an audience for this, however.

"Yeah, so….we've been doing _that _since Valentine's Day," Jeff confessed ahead of schedule when they broke apart. "And it's too late to say me loving Annie would ruin the group dynamic, at least in Greendale. So….."

Although Jeff didn't have his best way with words there, at least one word was perfect enough. Then again, the action spoke louder than that word anyway.

It certainly made the group quiet, as half seemed unsurprised – with _Britta _joining Abed and Troy in the unsurprised category. Pierce actually seemed to be holding back whatever stupid jokes he had, and Shirley had a cross between her judgmental face and her happy, gooey face on. "Well….at least we got something to gossip about at the steakhouse," Shirley finally let out.

This was all that anyone said about it, as Jeff and Annie linked arms and led the group towards Morty's Steakhouse. Although Jeff had reserved a private table for himself for this very day four years ago, he had traded it in to reserve a table for seven at the last minute.

And when they got there, they all instinctively made sure to sit in the exact same spot they did at the study table. Their _old _study table now.

None of them had changed their clothes, although they were still drenched in paint – but coming in here like that felt like a fitting final tribute to Greendale. At least that's how Jeff sold it when he Winger-speeched management into not enforcing their dress code.

About 30 seconds after sitting at her seat and seeing everyone else in theirs – and another minute after Jeff took her hand underneath the table – Annie announced that she had to go to the bathroom. Which she did – but it also served as a good cover to go into the nearest stall and cry.

Thesewere happy tears, though. The happiest tears she'd ever cried, considering all that happened today and all that happened since May 2012, and since September 2009. Even the horrible moments were worth happy crying over now.

Still, there was no sense carrying on in front of the group and anyone else nearby trying to eat in peace. Grownup Annie could contain her tears until she found a private place to cry, after all. Leaving aside how this might disturb everyone else just trying to use the bathroom.

Nevertheless, Annie washed her hands, checked that there was no more paint on her skin, and headed out to find her boyfriend and best friends again. Yet just as she came out, she noticed someone else at the other end of the steakhouse.

Sitting by herself, near a window, was Alison Jacobs. She actually changed into clean clothes, but it was still clearly her.

Annie went up behind her, as she was looking at pictures she took of the ceremony on her cell phone. Soon she got to a few pictures of Jeff, Annie and the study group – and Annie could swear she heard Alison chuckle pleasantly.

"Alison?" Annie called out quietly to get her attention. And it worked as she turned around and widened her eyes a bit at seeing her – then let a little smile come out.

Exactly 12 months ago, Annie all but tore Alison's picture to shreds after hearing about her – and how she had Jeff – for the first time.

But Annie could now admit – if only to herself so far – that the warm, happy, _complete_ smile she had for Alison today might never have been forged without her interference to kick it off.

Still, she _would _go down the next time she tried to slap Annie or punch Jeff's eye. Yet in that unlikely event, at least Annie's beloved boyfriend would be there to high five her afterwards.

**THE END**


End file.
